A Better Van Halen 3

[DFVH5150]

Time to get ostracized...

I know, most Van Halen fans dislike or hate it, but…if they did the following things, I bet any money it would have done MUCH better. Obviously not as big as they were with Dave or Sammy, but they could have done it right and reinvented themselves in a way where the third era could have lasted and been successful. By doing the following things, a lot of the fans who liked it a little would like it a lot more, and some of the fans who hated it wouldn’t mind it. And I’m fuckin’ serious.

Lighting never strikes the same place twice, but somehow it did with Sammy. So, with all-due respect Edward, don’t think you can mess with the formula that made you as huge as you are on your third attempt. Or at least, not mess with it THAT much!

So here are the obvious ways on how to do it:

1. Don’t minimize Mike’s background vocals which are one of the biggest and most recognizable parts of their sound.
2. Let Gary be Gary more. You can Hagarize his voice to an extent, but do it sparingly.
3. Don’t have 3-4 nontraditional VH/experimental-type songs. One is enough in this situation. Two tops.
4. No Mike Post. It sounds like shit. Stick with Ballard for God’s sake. Plus, more bass of course.

And here are the more detailed ways. I give you…the right way to do Van Halen 3:

1. NEWORLD

Nice gentle intro with a clever title that is the calm before the storm and it’s really cool how the first single’s melody is picked acoustically by Eddie. But, no Mike Post so Eddie plays the piano and right before it ends it kicks in with some heavier guitar. That’s all.

2. WE CAN MAKE IT RIGHT

I wouldn’t touch it except the title. A great Van Halen song but the title has been used before twice by that Nilsson guy and The Crue and both were popular. Not to mention Motley’s wasn’t even 10 years old yet at the time. The above title is a lot more memorable and stands out more, which would’ve helped them on the charts. They were inspired by “We Can Work It Out,” so this is the next best title.

3. ONE I WANT

I wouldn’t touch it except more Mikey background vox and speed up the tempo just a little bit like when they did it live. Another great song.

4. FROM AFAR

Solid album track and wouldn’t touch. Not as good as the above songs, but again, just an album track and it holds it own, as is.

5. DIRTY WATER DOG

Another really good tune but it needs improvement, and that improvement is heavier guitar and more Mike vox in the chorus. That guitar part after the drum intro is one of the highlights of the album and it could’ve been a great cut if just rocked more as the album’s sole song about sex.

6. ONCE

Here is the song that needs the most work. This could’ve been a hit and “Dreams”-esque while still keeping the Peter Gabriel vibe he wanted. Simple—just have it kick in during the chorus! Like Gary’s post-VH band Tribe Of Judah did when they played it live. Doesn’t have to be every chorus. Maybe just the refrain chorus after the solo the whole band comes in heavy. It does build with each chorus already, but it needs to build more heavily. And sorry Wolf, but shorten it. You don’t need two songs that long on the album. I really think this could’ve been one of Van Halen’s best songs if it were done right. And it wouldn't have ended up being so un-Van Halen-like as I mentioned above.

7. FIRE IN THE HOLE

Everyone’s favorite (or “the one they hate the least”) but could be improved. At first I didn’t think they broke any new ground with this song but over time I realized it’s unique enough. I think that ending riff everyone loves could’ve been incorporated more. Also, nix that intro. Completely copies of Extreme’s “Warheads.” Be original. Maybe a bomb dropping with that whistling sound getting closer then the band kicks in at the “boom” part. Or throw that cool ending part at the beginning somehow, too, perhaps.

8. SHINE THE LIGHT ON A SHADOW

Gary’s mom’s name “Josephina” is a nice name and all, but the title should’ve been more broad and I think the above title from Gary’s clever lyric should’ve been it. Okay enough song to be an album track, so keep it the acoustic experimental track it is. I’d have the “la da das” at the end more prominent though. They sounded nice live.

9. YEAR TO THE DAY

This is another non-traditional VH song that definitely has its strengths with Ed’s solo and Gary’s beautiful voice, but it’s too bland and needs Mike’s vocals more than any other song on the album. That would have turned this "meh" VH song into reaching it's potential as a solid one and would've sounded more traditional Halen. And keep this as the long song.

10. THAT’S WHY I LOVE YA

I always thought “Josephina” was ripping off the much-better “Take Me Back,” YTTD was ripping off the much-better “Feelin’,” and this was ripping of CSLY. Really catchy riff Eddie has here and I definitely think Gary beats Mitch on this one because he lets it breathe as others have said where you can actually hear said riff. And this is the song that needs Gary’s regular voice the most. That “and I’m fed up!” part especially makes me cringe. Also important, the chorus is too dull…HOWEVER, that refrain chorus at the end is fantastic. The chorus they have now should be the bridge, and the aforementioned refrain chorus should be the main chorus. And “Ya” is more unique than “You.” With all that, could’ve been somewhat of a hit single in 1998.

11. ?

“Ballot or the Bullet” is a pretty cool title, but Gary already did the politics thing mixed with sex in DWD. VH does not need to have two political songs on an album. That, and Gary definitely dropped the ball on this one melody-wise. This is one of Ed’s better all-time riffs that was completely wasted on such a boring song. Redo all the vocals—lyrics and melody—don’t touch the music. This could’ve been a really good VH heavy rocker. And I could be wrong, but I don’t think the “Primary” sitar solo is strong enough to be its own EVH instrumental track along with “Eruption,” “Spanish Fly,” “Cathedral,” “316,” etc. I’d shorten it drastically and just have it as the song’s brief intro.

12. HOW MANY SAY I

What can I say about HMSI. The most loathed Van Halen song in history by a landslide, and I totally understand. Now truly risking being ostracized from the VH online community, I will still say that I think the overall idea/theme/melody of the song is pretty damn good. And I think having ONE Van Halen song in their catalog with Eddie singing is a cool thing. They just went about it the wrong way. As someone else mentioned here recently, make it a 2-minute novelty or something. Or, like some guy did a handful of years ago on YouTube—speed it up. Like it starts out the way it does, and at the second verse the band kicks in and it speeds up like a rocker with Gary singing lead. Maybe there’s a breakdown and Ed sings again possibly. It really is a good catchy chorus in the worldly “Right Now” vein and I'd hate to see that theme wasted. But, the heavily-shortened-2-minute novelty was probably the best way to go. It would’ve been accepted more that way being a novelty and not taken as seriously as another nontraditional song on the album.

And have some of that cool red circus-type decor and some of those better photos from the tin version in the album art.

The singles:

We Can Make It Right
One I Want
That's Why I Love Ya
Fire in the Hole
Once

I should’ve been the fuckin’ producer….

[Little Dreamer]

Some of the lyrics, beyond just the title, weren't good. They were really bad, actually. And from Afar, has a terrible guitar riff and a terrible melody. EVH just can't write long songs. That's just not his bag - Alex Lifeson can, but not Ed.
And A Year To The Day - I mean wtf's the song even about?!?! This song is just plodding along with no groove.
Without You - wtf is this verse melody.
Ted Templeman just wouldn't have approved these songs, he'd have told Ed "you can do better, come back next week with better songs."

[DFVH5150]

*For the non-diehards reading, "We Can Make It Right" is "Without You" obviously (forgot to actually mention that), and I'd also like to mention I meant heavy guitar, big drums, and pounding bass in "Once" when I say "heavier."

[Darkness]

Since we're changing song titles, according to old articles on VHND One I Want was originally "Candyman" and YTTD was "365". I like both of those more as well.

[Ian Sane]

A better VH III would have been a whole new album with Dave following the 2 tracks on Best Of Vol. 1.

[Bad to the Bone]

newworld-have Alex play the piano part.

[Dave's Dreidel]

Dude...get a hobby.

[Jedi McFly]

I agree with you that VH3 could’ve improved greatly with the right producer. You’ve got some really great ideas. I do think it’d need to be pushed a little further in a few areas. Simple example: Without You needs to trim the fat, it’s too long.

[jimmy812]

I applaud you...I think...for spending this much time and thought on VHIII. And, for some reason, I was curious enough to waste my time and thought on it as well.

Drop Neworld.
I agree with Jedi..trim the fat from Without You...but don't fade out so soon on that jam at the end.
I dig From Afar, but that solo is too weird. Fix that. And I can't stand Al's drums during that weird part of the solo. Don't care for that drawl during the song.
I don't mind Once, but I agree it should've been more lively--never heard Tribe of Judah's version, but it sounds like that should've been the way to go.
And, yes, Ballot needs to redone lyrically. Music is great on that tune. And I agree they should drop Primary and use a very shortened part for the intro to Ballot.
And, HMSI...come on, this should have been sealed off in the vault somewhere. Or, hey, here's an idea, maybe have the singer sing it.

[KS 5150]

A better VH III would have been a whole new album with Dave following the 2 tracks on Best Of Vol. 1.

This +1000%

[rchop84]

Dude...get a hobby.

It's like your sig thats idk how many years old

[Dave's Dreidel]

It's like your sig thats idk how many years old

Yep, never doubt Emperor Brett.

[Destructo2]

To each their own, but when you find anything positive about HMSI, you lost me completely. And ruined almost all other points that trash could have been saved.

Not attacking you. Just my opinion. I really hate HMSI. Gives me a visceral reaction. That just can’t have been Eddie anywhere near sober or sane writing, recording and putting it on the album.

[pickslide]

To each their own, but when you find anything positive about HMSI, you lost me completely. And ruined almost all other points that trash could have been saved.

Not attacking you. Just my opinion. I really hate HMSI. Gives me a visceral reaction. That just can’t have been Eddie anywhere near sober or sane writing, recording and putting it on the album.

The piano playing is great. But it's a garbage song. Yet another incomplete idea on III.

TK

[JUNGLE DRUMMER]

I applaud you...I think...for spending this much time and thought on VHIII. And, for some reason, I was curious enough to waste my time and thought on it as well.

Drop Neworld.
I agree with Jedi..trim the fat from Without You...but don't fade out so soon on that jam at the end.
I dig From Afar, but that solo is too weird. Fix that. And I can't stand Al's drums during that weird part of the solo. Don't care for that drawl during the song.
I don't mind Once, but I agree it should've been more lively--never heard Tribe of Judah's version, but it sounds like that should've been the way to go.
And, yes, Ballot needs to redone lyrically. Music is great on that tune. And I agree they should drop Primary and use a very shortened part for the intro to Ballot.
And, HMSI...come on, this should have been sealed off in the vault somewhere. Or, hey, here's an idea, maybe have the singer sing it.

IMO, From Afar sounds like one of the tunes Ed alledgedly played the drums on. That whole bit with the hi hat is just too rudimentary and clunky to be Alex, unless he is just playing that way to appease Ed.

If Ed was trying for a Peter Gabriel vibe on Once, as he claimed, then Al shouldve played a tribal motif on the toms, a la Red Rain or In Your Eyes, instead of the garbage fake sounding programmed shit that ended up on that track as drums.