How to Get Closer to Your Dad for Father's Day

[voivod]

Like many people's relationship with their father, mine has never been very close. Yet, if he died today I would be very sorry I didn't ask him more questions. That's why I am glad to have met Stuart Gustafson, who co-wrote the new book, Questions to Bring You Closer to Dad. I met him at the National Publicity Summit in New York in March. After looking at his book, I telephoned my father last week. We talked happily for an hour, or more, about his time in the U.S. Marines and what it was like for him to visit his childhood home, and we engaged in small talk, which turns out to be the glue that holds the important stuff together...

I always knew my dad was a Detroit Tigers fan but I thought he would surely be swept up in the hometown fever rising in Milwaukee with the Brewers winning so many games this spring. He wasn't. He sighed and said, "I'm just a Tigers fan."

This lack of apparent emotion or enthusiasm has colored my view of him for many years, but when we talk about things that interest him, his voice becomes more animated.

Ninety-five percent of adults still have questions they would like to ask their fathers. The book, Questions to Bring You Closer to Dad, is a valuable guide into the unknown territory that lies within our own families and it can help you get those questions answered before it's too late.


Do you know the #1 question people want to ask their Dad? They want to know if their father is proud of them — not a simple thing to ask! Stuart's book, co-written with Atlanta television personality, Robyn Freedman Spizman, provides an easy way to break the ice and get the answers you want.

For instance, to tackle the question about having pride in a son or daughter, ask the question this way: "What is one thing I have done that has made you proud of me?"

This Sunday is Father's Day. Stuart suggests we try the following questions, over the phone or in person. He even suggests fathers give the book to their sons. He told me, "It can be helpful both ways to open the doors of communication."

* Can you share any of the earliest memories of your birthdays?
* What accomplishment in your life are you the proudest of?
* What traditions did you share with your family?
* How did you first meet Mom? What were your first thoughts? Was it love at first?

The rewards of taking the steps to bring yourself and your dad together, if even for only a few minutes, are warm and lasting.

The book's premise is that it is never too late to get to know your father, even if he is a "man of few words." It shows you not only what questions to ask, but how to ask them.

Twelve types of dads are defined in the book. Learn your dad's type, and get suggestions specific to that type:

Ways to begin conversations, and things he would like to discuss
Things you can do together
How to develop "Dad radar"
His pet peeves, and how to avoid them

If your father is no longer alive, the book provides a special way to bring Dad's most special attributes and memories to light. You can use the book to question your family and other people who knew him to obtain the answers. "All you have to do is make the time."

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/content/view/2130/29/

[Kimmie5150]

* Can you share any of the earliest memories of your birthdays?
* What accomplishment in your life are you the proudest of?
* What traditions did you share with your family?
* How did you first meet Mom? What were your first thoughts? Was it love at first?

Well, I have a very close relationship with my dear daddy. I can answer all of those questions easily.

1. On his 6th birthday his parents bought him a pony.
2. His proudest accomplishments are being a father, marrying my mother, being a grandfather, and getting his contractor's license.
3. All major holidays, eating together every Sunday, children and grandchildren's birthdays, TN VOL FOOTBALL GAMES!!
4. He met my mom cruising around town. He thought she was beautiful. It was for him.

I love my dad very much and my heart will always belong to him.

[Bullwinkle]

Well, I'd have to start with a shovel.

[te5150]

I've a good relationship with my dad, thankfully, but this is another good reminder how much our fathers' approval means. I think that's especially true for sons.

It's also a good reminder that my little guys (for now) think I'm the most important man in the world. Act accordingly, dads.

[csm5150]

My father and I have a good relationship, however he's not the most open person in the world. He doesn't share his feelings/thoughts w/anyone-which is good and not good. I believe he is proud of me, but it would be nice to hear, you know? And I don't want it soliticited either. Call me weird

[loveevhsince79]

I adore my dad and am so very thankful he and my mom hooked up since he is actually my stepdad. I absolutely know what he is proudest of when it comes to me. Almost everything! I did screw up badly once and I've never been more hurt and ashamed than to hear him say he was disappointed in me. He always gives me the strength and courage to tackle anything. His best advice is often just listening to me vent and then helping me figure what I want to do. He is truly a blessing in my life.

[jimmy812]

Well, I'd have to start with a shovel.

I was going to say "funny post" but I'm not sure how you meant it, and I don't think that would be appropriate.

wow, 'mixed feelings' are weird...

[jimmy]

Well, I'd have to start with a shovel.

....

[Stiil_A_Fan]

My dad was killed in an accident right before I was scheduled to go to Marine Corp Recruit Depot. Before the accident he told me how proud he was of me for what I was doing, and he could not wait to see me with a crew cut. That was the one thing that gave me the strength to make it. On graduation day though he was not their, I could feel his spirit watching me walk off of that parade deck.

Things change; I am a father now of two every time I see them I make a point to tell them that I love them. Also try to say how proud I am to be their dad, but not often enough.

My dad been gone for 20 years now and I have come to deal with it, the only regret I have now is that, my kids never met their Grandpa.

[Gypsy King]

My dad and I are very close, even though my parents live in Oklahoma (1000 or so miles away from me). I talk to him every week.

We used to not be so close. Our relationship became closer after a serious car accident of mine in 1989. I wasn't supposed to survive, but did. Ever since then, my whole family has been very close.

[Bullwinkle]

I was going to say "funny post" but I'm not sure how you meant it, and I don't think that would be appropriate.

wow, 'mixed feelings' are weird...

It's okay. My dad would have thought it was funny.
He died sixteen years ago on June 26th and he was a great guy. I was in my early 20's when he died, and I hadn't gotten married or had kids yet and there are many, many times I miss having him around for advice and support.
(cue sad music...)
So, I'll pass this along to all of you guys who still have a dad. hang around with him and get all the advice you can. Even if you think he's a jerk or you fight with him a lot, he's still a man who's lived longer than you and has, most likely, been through whatever situation you're in right now. And he will appreciate the chance to help.

[jimmy812]

It's okay. My dad would have thought it was funny.
He died sixteen years ago on June 26th and he was a great guy. I was in my early 20's when he died, and I hadn't gotten married or had kids yet and there are many, many times I miss having him around for advice and support.
(cue sad music...)
So, I'll pass this along to all of you guys who still have a dad. hang around with him and get all the advice you can. Even if you think he's a jerk or you fight with him a lot, he's still a man who's lived longer than you and has, most likely, been through whatever situation you're in right now. And he will appreciate the chance to help.

Excellent post!!

[Nostalgia Act]

My dad passed in 1991.We weren't close because he was never around, or he was beating the crap out of my mother when he was.

I'm a father with three kid's

I strive everyday to make them proud that i am their father. I tell them everyday that i am proud of them and that i love them.

My hope is that when i am long gone,the legacy i leave with them is that i was a good father/man and that i was their hero.

It's a work in progress.

[Bullwinkle]

Q: What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?




A: Telling your dad that you're gay.

[vanzefflin]

Well, I have a very close relationship with my dear daddy. I can answer all of those questions easily.

1. On his 6th birthday his parents bought him a pony.
2. His proudest accomplishments are being a father, marrying my mother, being a grandfather, and getting his contractor's license.
3. All major holidays, eating together every Sunday, children and grandchildren's birthdays, TN VOL FOOTBALL GAMES!!
4. He met my mom cruising around town. He thought she was beautiful. It was for him.

5. Gets pissed every time he has to break the coke bottle that his retarded, thread de-railing, 3rd of the month check gettin', no workin', man-lovin, hairy assed,fat, gorilla lookin', aliasing troll son has vapor-locked in his ass.