Honest Advice

[willy4pres]

Check it out, I hope this doesn't sound stupid but I need someone to talk some sense into me.

I just agreed to play another season of softball. I promised my wife that I was done because of my leg and bad shoulder. I hurt my shoulder playing a few years ago and it has never gotten better. I got an MRI done but they didn't find anything, it pops in and out but nothing shows up on the MRI. I can get the ball from first to third but that's about it, it doesn't have a lot of zip on it at all, at least not like it used to. In softball I traditionally play the outfield but I'm getting older (34 is old in A & B league) and we have young guys to play the outfield, I have switched to first base the last couple of seasons (my old baseball position) and that works out great (not many throwing opportunities).

I play because I don't know how not to. I can't play good defense because of my screwed up leg and bad shoulder. I have played baseball/softball every year of my life since I turned five, not playing feels really wrong. I always said to myself I wouldn't be one of those guys that hangs around to long, but I thought that wouldn't happen until my 40's. I don't play in a beer league, it's competitive and it's played to win, if you don't perform you’re asked to leave (politely). The team I play with is decent but it's not what I'm used to, it's a real sign that I'm hanging on to something I can't do anymore (at least not like I would like to). I can't hold my son in my left arm for more then a minute and I can't imagine showing him how to throw a curve if he want's me to (hopefully he's a smart kid and doesn't like sports ). It's over and it's time to find something else to do (I started playing Golf but I like playing something I'm good at ). I love hitting and the thought of me crushing a softball makes me salivate but continuing on will make it hard for me to play with the little boy when he's old enough.

My wife want's me to coach little league since I used to do that in North Carolina and on the Marine base here but it's hard to get established, I don't speak Spanish well enough to communicate with a lot of the kids. Were moving to Idaho next year so I can do it up there (and I doubt they have much of a softball scene either, so that's good).

Anyway, this post is to long and the subject is border line gay so I'm going to rap it up.

I'm sure most here had to stop doing something they loved so any words of advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[C5150]

Check it out, I hope this doesn't sound stupid but I need someone to talk some sense into me.

I just agreed to play another season of softball. I promised my wife that I was done because of my leg and bad shoulder. I hurt my shoulder playing a few years ago and it has never gotten better. I got an MRI done but they didn't find anything, it pops in and out but nothing shows up on the MRI. I can get the ball from first to third but that's about it, it doesn't have a lot of zip on it at all, at least not like it used to. In softball I traditionally play the outfield but I'm getting older (34 is old in A & B league) and we have young guys to play the outfield, I have switched to first base the last couple of seasons (my old baseball position) and that works out great (not many throwing opportunities).

I play because I don't know how not to. I can't play good defense because of my screwed up leg and bad shoulder. I have played baseball/softball every year of my life since I turned five, not playing feels really wrong. I always said to myself I wouldn't be one of those guys that hangs around to long, but I thought that wouldn't happen until my 40's. I don't play in a beer league, it's competitive and it's played to win, if you don't perform you’re asked to leave (politely). The team I play with is decent but it's not what I'm used to, it's a real sign that I'm hanging on to something I can't do anymore (at least not like I would like to). I can't hold my son in my left arm for more then a minute and I can't imagine showing him how to throw a curve if he want's me to (hopefully he's a smart kid and doesn't like sports ). It's over and it's time to find something else to do (I started playing Golf but I like playing something I'm good at ). I love hitting and the thought of me crushing a softball makes me salivate but continuing on will make it hard for me to play with the little boy when he's old enough.

My wife want's me to coach little league since I used to do that in North Carolina and on the Marine base here but it's hard to get established, I don't speak Spanish well enough to communicate with a lot of the kids. Were moving to Idaho next year so I can do it up there (and I doubt they have much of a softball scene either, so that's good).

Anyway, this post is to long and the subject is border line gay so I'm going to rap it up.

I'm sure most here had to stop doing something they loved so any words of advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

I've played in A & B leagues with guys that were between 50 & 60! They were either A pitcher or catcher, mostly pitchers! They would not have played if they were not good enough! I say keep going if you can play 1st , and still pick the ball out of the dirt!

[willy4pres]

I've played in A & B leagues with guys that were between 50 & 60! They were either A pitcher or catcher, mostly pitchers! They would not have played if they were not good enough! I say keep going if you can play 1st , and still pick the ball out of the dirt!

You have A & B guys in their 50's and 60's!?!? Holy crap! We have C & D guys that old but sure as hell not A or B (especially A!).

I'm 34 and one of the oldest playing. We have one guy in his mid 40's that can still play outstanding ball but it doesn't get any higher then that (age). Yuma eats sleeps and drinks softball, other then soccer there isn't another sport played here (maybe some Basketball on the base). I played in a largely Mexican baseball league down in San Luis, we had some older dudes playing there but not on the same team. I guess Mexicans can play ball forever.

The coach keeps bugging me about playing, maybe he will ask me to pitch, ill definitely quit then. A guy has to have some dignity!

[te5150]

Just my opinion, willy, but you're wrapping part of your identity with the sport. My guess is, in some way, you define yourself partially as a softball player.

That's fine. Lots of people do that. I did the same with another sport. It was part of who I was.

When I HAD to quit, it took some time for me to get over it. But the best piece of advice anyone gave me was this: you are the only one who believes you are a softball player.

In other words, your wife doesn't see you as a softball player. Your son doesn't see you as a softball player. It's unimportant to them. If you never picked up a glove again, they wouldn't care. It would not affect - at all- how they see you.

Only you define yourself as a softball player. And now, you have the great opportunity to define yourself in some other way. Have fun choosing what that might be.

[Double Down]

Just my opinion, willy, but you're wrapping part of your identity with the sport. My guess is, in some way, you define yourself partially as a softball player.

In other words, your wife doesn't see you as a softball player. Your son doesn't see you as a softball player. It's unimportant to them. If you never picked up a glove again, they wouldn't care. It would not affect - at all- how they see you.

Only you define yourself as a softball player. And now, you have the great opportunity to define yourself in some other way. Have fun choosing what that might be.

Very well said. That's excellent advice/insight.

[Stiil_A_Fan]

Hey willy

You can be what ever you want but from now on, the most important thing you are is Dad.

[joey-tromollo]

Dude..I played Ice hockey for 15 years..I skated 5 , 6 days a week at one point,.I worked at an ice arena for 6 years.When my first child was born I had to give it up .It was a decision at the time I didn't think I could do ..I miss playing but life goes on ..I quit cold turkey 12 years ago and havent played since..Now I focus on my recording and guitar playing ,and my 2 kids.
I realized it wasnt worth getting hurt for real..And I had some real close calls.
Anyway just my oppinion....:joe

[TheresOnlyOneWay]

I quit about 3 years ago. I have the same problem with my non-throwing shoulder. If I reach back the wrong way the fucker pops out. It's painful but I can pop it right back in and it never really delayed a game. I had a compound fracture of my tibia and fibula around '96 from playing softball. I finally just told myself it's not worth it. To tell you the truth, I don't miss it and I too have played since I was 5. Funny, I was 34 at the time I quit too.

[willy4pres]

te5150, that was an excellent post and completely true. I almost feel guilty that you used it in my thread.

You guys know what your talking about. To be honest I don't really miss it right now (I haven't played for the past 2 seasons, but in this town thats only 6 months). I'm the only person that cares about playing the sport, my family and friends could care less (I'm not really "friends" with the people I play with, in fact none of them are friends with each other).

If I keep doing this I won't be able to do much of anything with my left arm. I'm just not one of those guys that can continue doing things I did when I was 12, whats the big deal?

I think some of this has to do with me burning another bridge in softball. I used to act like a complete lunatic when I was playing, I said some really horrible things to people I have been friends with for years. I don't get asked to play ball anymore, this team I'm playing on is it for me, if I quit this it will piss off the coach and he won't come back and ask me again. But again, who really cares, it's not like I'm on his Christmas card list.

It's stupid that something as silly as this requires so much thought (and so much advice) on my part. My wife hates it when I play, she's as far away from sports as you can imagine. I play tournaments and at the end (after 10 games in 2-3 days) wonder why I do this to myself. I don't even care how the games turn out anymore, as long as I hit one out I'm happy (thats not exactly the definition of a good team player).

[jimmy812]

Wily, I wouldn't say it's a "borderline gay" subject (although I thought about starting a softball thread in the Sports section but never did....)

Like you I've played baseball and softball since I was about 5 years old. I'm 36 now and the last couple of seasons I've started to realize that my playing isn't what it once was (naturally). Although sometimes the occasional flashes of youth shine through. I play shortstop and I know it's a demanding position. I play in a B league and my team is competitive, but we are out for a good time as well. In other words, it's a competitive beer league. My core group of friends have played together since '91. Most of the guys have families now and so priorities have obviously shifted. Softball isn't my life but I do love to play. And I plan on playing into my 40's (of course I'll have to give up SS at some point). Last fall I didn't finish fall league due to a "twinge" in my knee. It turned out to be nothing....yet.
Maybe you could go into a less competitive league. Just a suggestion. Plus you have your health to worry about.
More importantly, te5150 said it best that softball is unimportant to your wife and son; "it doesn't affect how they see you."
I know that something like this is tough to give up, but I also know that someday I will give it up.

[marty]

Take ayear off get yourself fit and if you feel like playing next year go for it.

[muffdiver]

Yeah....maybe take a break.


Try playing some hockey or rugby.....I'll help ya with the rules then tell your wife your trying something new......

[vistadelrey]

I stopped playing basketball cuz i couldn't compete as well at age 37. I had played it all my life and now i'm done. big deal. I play squash now and I'm a young guy out there. i wasn't as good as some of the older guys with good racquet skills but I got past the learning curve. now i run just as much as basketball and I don't have to hear all the whiney bitches out on the court. I don't have to find nine others to play with. squash is killer. I never knew till I made the leap from bball to squash. just do it. learn something else dude. It's so much more fun doing something new rather than doing the same ole same ole. grow. expand your horizons. take up golf, squash, coaching, mountain bikes or whatever...just try something new. it's waiting for you.

[steve mcqueen]

Join the American League and DH.......

[Rebel67]

Yeah, you should just take a break or quit......FUCK THAT!
Hello People...it's called passion. If you love something, then it's like breathing. You have to do it, or a part of you dies. My suggestion is if you still love it and can function, then listen to NO ONE ELSE. You do what you love for you. If your wife or friends don't support you, then they can sit home while you enjoy the sunshine and smell of fresh cut grass. It's your life man. You are as young as you feel. I have been playing guitar for 28 years and if anyone tells me I'm too old for this or should grow up, I tell them to SUCK IT. Watch ROCKY BALBOA and check out CHUCK BERRY. The man is in his 80's and still tours and plays standing up. FUCK this too old shit. BLAZE ON!!