I'm an Alcoholic and I need advice.

[againstthewind]

I can admit it. To myself at least, and now to you folks. But I can't get my drinking under control. I drink everyday. I drink a lot. I still maintain my job quite well, I still have a good relationship with my wife, but I know I am slowly killing myself, and it is geting quite old. I tried a private counselor a few years back, but to no avail, I went once to an AA meeting, and my opinon was, I don't belong here....I am not at this level yet. (yeah right) This thread is pointed mostly at those who have gone through it. I want...hell really need some insight from you folks, if you would do me that favour. I need to know, did AA really make that much of a diff for you?? I think about going back a lot, but, the doubt remains in my mind that it is still all up to me. Nobody else is going to make me stop, so how will AA help?? I know as an alcoholic, that this may be an excuse, and maybe that is the truth, just another way to get out of quitting, or not going to AA. However, I am truly interested in how it may have helped some of you out, and if you would share I would be very grateful, even if you want to do it in a PM.

The whole Idea of one day at a time (sheesh not a Val reference) blows me away. I know that is the attitude of AA, but every time I try to quit, I get a day or two under my belt, then comes the failure, and that makes it so much harder to try again the next time cuz' I figure I will just fuck it all up again. I write this because I know from history there are quite a few recovering Addicts here, and I truly honor and respect your opinion. I wouldn't wish this lifestyle on anyone.

Thanks, Randy

[OLO]

Sent you a PM.

[WinterlessIceness]

I can say a lot regarding the alcohol and how to stay away from it, but it would be just my perspective and since it's too subjective, I'm not sure if it would be of any help. But in brief it would be, I have too many hobbies, and so much stuff I'm interested in doing which drinking wouldn't let me enjoy fully. I like to drink on occasions, same with my friend I'm in a band with - we both like the taste of the alcohol and that dizzy feeling you get, but it won't be until some late hours and after we'd be finished with working on our material that we'd allow ourselves to open a few cans or a bottle, get properly wasted but knowing that we've done something to deserve it. Getting hammered on my own - I have 3 different drinks in my rooms now and I'm not even tempted to get down to any of them, despite me having extremely tense last 2 days (including 800 bucks over due gas bill, warning from the landlord, and getting in a fight with a drunk housemate, then everything sorting out later today and me breaking down right in the middle of my bedroom).

At the end of the day what I know is, I'd be much better with my pencil, or a brush having a clear mind and I'd get more excited with drawing, painting, writing, editing or doing anything else than alcohol would possibly make me.

If you'd have a hobby you'd be passionate about you wouldn't need an alcohol at all. My two cents.

[OLO]

I can say a lot regarding the alcohol and how to stay away from it, but it would be just my perspective and since it's too subjective, I'm not sure if it would be of any help. But in brief it would be, I have too many hobbies, and so much stuff I'm interested in doing which drinking wouldn't let me enjoy fully. I like to drink on occasions, same with my friend I'm in a band with - we both like the taste of the alcohol and that dizzy feeling you get, but it won't be until some late hours and after we'd be finished with working on our material that we'd allow ourselves to open a few cans or a bottle, get properly wasted but knowing that we've done something to deserve it. Getting hammered on my own - I have 3 different drinks in my rooms now and I'm not even tempted to get down to any of them, despite me having extremely tense last 2 days (including 800 bucks over due gas bill, warning from the landlord, and getting in a fight with a drunk housemate, then everything sorting out later today and me breaking down right in the middle of my bedroom).

At the end of the day what I know is, I'd be much better with my pencil, or a brush having a clear mind and I'd get more excited with drawing, painting, writing, editing or doing anything else than alcohol would possibly make me.

If you'd have a hobby you'd be passionate about you wouldn't need an alcohol at all. My two cents.

You do NOT understand the situation in the LEAST BIT!!

[Van Squalen]

The main strength of AA is surrounding yourself with people who know precisely what you're going through. As a Christian yourself, you may find AA's tenet of ceding to a higher power helpful as well.

Rehab does help.

AA does help.

In the end, it will be you and only you who makes the final difference. Accept that it will be a lifetime struggle. You will always think on occasion about having a drink, long after you're sober. There's no band-aid for the disease. It can be genetic or behavioral in origin, or both.

First step - admitting the problem exists, which you have done. Kudos. Now you have to determine what structure most appeals to you in terms of assistance, which like it or not, you will need.

Talk to someone...not your wife, not your best friend, a professional substance abuse counselor, an objective sponsor, a fellow AA associate who's willing to talk to you about how you're feeling right now.

The cycle of recurring failure can be broken. One day will turn to two, two to four, four to a week, a week to a month...and so on. Sounds like a slow, excruciating process, doesn't it? Especially while you're physically and mentally detoxing. It is. Try to be prepared for the mood swings and irritability as best you can....and what helps most, is DAILY meetings with others who know the deal backwards and forwards. Don't be afraid to express yourself in front of a room of strangers, tantrums and breakdowns included, 'cause they're not really strangers in spirit.

Alcoholism is a bitch, Randy. You can beat it. Have faith in your ability to overcome adversity, even if it means missteps along the way. We're all only human.

[OLO]

The main strength of AA is surrounding yourself with people who know precisely what you're going through. As a Christian yourself, you may find AA's tenet of ceding to a higher power helpful as well.

Rehab does help.

AA does help.

In the end, it will be you and only you who makes the final difference. Accept that it will be a lifetime struggle. You will always think on occasion about having a drink, long after you're sober. There's no band-aid for the disease. It can be genetic or behavioral in origin, or both.

First step - admitting the problem exists, which you have done. Kudos. Now you have to determine what structure most appeals to you in terms of assistance, which like it or not, you will need.

Talk to someone...not your wife, not your best friend, a professional substance abuse counselor, an objective sponsor, a fellow AA associate who's willing to talk to you about how you're feeling right now.

The cycle of recurring failure can be broken. One day will turn to two, two to four, four to a week, a week to a month...and so on. Sounds like a slow, excruciating process, doesn't it? Especially while you're physically and mentally detoxing. It is. Try to be prepared for the mood swings and irritability as best you can....and what helps most, is DAILY meetings with others who know the deal backwards and forwards. Don't be afraid to express yourself in front of a room of strangers, tantrums and breakdowns included, 'cause they're not really strangers in spirit.

Alcoholism is a bitch, Randy. You can beat it. Have faith in your ability to overcome adversity, even if it means missteps along the way. We're all only human.

Great post!!!!

[fast98dodge]

You do NOT understand the situation in the LEAST BIT!!

Amen to that even though Mish is trying to help...

Randy, each person is different and unique but the disease is the same in the way that it progresses... However you need to not drink is up to you and whatever way you find to best do that, do it!!!

As for me, I found AA to be very beneficial because those people have gone through what I am going through and have gone through... When I think of AA, I think of H.O.P.E., Hearing Other People's Experiences... I don't feel so alone in my battle and it's also good to build friendships and relationships with other Alcoholics because they understand you and you them and also you can take part in clean and sober activities with them. I hear people who have quit drinking say all the time how they still go to bars and drink pop or water and they are fine. That's like a sex addict going into a whorehouse to just "look"... Temptation, especially in the early days of sobriety, can enable you to slip quicker.

One last thing, you mentioned "one day at a time"... That works for me because thinking about being sober 10 years from now or whatever freaks me out... If I only have to worry about today, there is less stress and pressure...

Good luck and if ya need to talk, feel free to pm me anytime...

[WinterlessIceness]

You do NOT understand the situation in the LEAST BIT!!

I PMed you in reply

[OLO]

Some great advice has been given here.

I stayed away from bars for years after I quit drinking. I actually stayed away from 99% of my buddys for a year. Those that understood were there for me when I came around.

I also stayed away from non alchoholic beer and wine for a year.

One day at a time is the only way to go. I know that I am sober today!! I have no idea what may come tommorow BUT right now I am sober.

[fast98dodge]

Another amen to that, OLO...

Today is the only day that matters...

[Blount5150]

Great thread. I don't really know where I fit into this. I used to be able to drink a few beers then stop. A few years ago I got to the point where I wouldn't eat anything until I was really, really drunk. I got to the point to where if I had one, I'd have everything, then go get more. After I turned 31, I couldn't shake the hangovers anymore. So, I quit drinking every night. Mostly to try to figure out if I did have a problem or not. It wasn't always easy, I found myself wanting to drink a beer, but not really wanting a beer. Sometimes now I can have a couple of beers and stop. Sometimes I just don't like the drunk feeling anymore. I've been drunk and wished that I wasn't. I decided not to drink during the week anymore. But at least once every two weeks I'll have one mid week and it hits me just right or I drink pretty fast and go on an 18 beer binge and pay for it the next morning. Odd thing, the weekends are my designated drinking times and I find myself not really drinking that much. I don't hate my job, so I don't know if that explains why I would rather get drunk during the week. Sometimes I can just see someone on TV having a cold draft and it triggers something in my brain, then I have a few. I don't feel like I drink to deal with problems either, I just enjoy the taste of good beer, but I always take it too far. I never touch the hard stuff either. On a trivial note, I often found it odd how Sam and Mike can promote their drinking and not have much of a problem with it, on the other hand, Ed doesn't really promote it and look at him...

I know I didn't give any answers, but maybe I touched on something that you deal with too...

[FORD]

I'm not going to say much here, because I can't claim to be an expert on addiction, as I've been fortunate enough not to go down that road.

I will say that admitting to yourself and then others that you DO have a problem is the important first step. Where AA comes in is to have the support group of those who do understand where you're at, because they are there, or have been there themselves.

It's been my observation from the addicts (recovering or otherwise) that I have known that they are often self medicating for a pain that's not physical, if that makes sense. Since I don't know you, I can't presume to know if this is true in your case, or what the source of that pain might be. Only you have the answer to that, or the ability to find that answer if you aren't sure.

The one day at a time rule makes perfect sense, not just for recovering addicts, but for all of us. Because while we dream and plan and prepare for a future, the reality is that none of us knows what the fuck is going to happen tomorrow, especially the way things are in this world right now. But enough about that or I'm gonna need a drink!

The last thing I would add is that everyone I know who has been successful in their recovery has done so by walking a spiritual path of one type or another, which is presumably why AA stresses the "higher power" thing. Don't want to seem like I'm evangelizing here, but it's something to consider.

[Brett]

If you'd have a hobby you'd be passionate about you wouldn't need an alcohol at all. My two cents.

I don't want to pile on to this, but alcoholism has nothing to do with needing a hobby. You really don't understand this at all, and you really shouldn't comment further.

[Brett]

As I've spoken before about dealing with alcoholism very close to me, although I myself am not one. It's probably become fairly obvious who I'm talking about.

I will tell you, once this person made the decision to change their life, they have. Went to rehab, religously goes to AA, and takes it one day at a time, even after 5 years of sobriety.

I can tell you right now that you need to speak to others who are recovering, they will be your main source of strength. You can't talk to your wife, she's not going to really understand and she's not going to be able to help you. You need to speak with people who gone through the same things you are, and those that have battled the disease and stayed sober. For some, AA does work. For the person close to me, it has. This person also didn't believe they belonged in AA either, but they realized they did, because really they were just like everyone else there.

I don't believe that you need religion to make AA work, I think you just need to believe in some higher power, whatever that is to you personally. I've sat in AA meetings to listen before, and I'm not a religious personally really, and I can see how you can apply a lot of it to whatever belief system you have. Certainly the person who I am close with is not that religious, and has made it work as well.

Hang in there man, it's a tough process, it will be tough on your wife too (believe me I know), but if you want to conquer it, and you have the desire to, it can be done. Like VS said, you've already admitted you have a problem, that's the first step. My best wishes to you.

[OLO]

I will say that admitting to yourself and then others that you DO have a problem is the important first step. Where AA comes in is to have the support group of those who do understand where you're at, because they are there, or have been there themselves.

The best thing I ever did was admit to my family and friends that I needed help, none of them knew because I kept it quiet. I rarely drank around family and friends. As soon as the cat was out of the bag I had family and friends rally around me and also make me accountable. But of course the only person that makes me not drink is ME!!!

The one day at a time rule makes perfect sense, not just for recovering addicts, but for all of us. Because while we dream and plan and prepare for a future, the reality is that none of us knows what the fuck is going to happen tomorrow, especially the way things are in this world right now. But enough about that or I'm gonna need a drink!

The last thing I would add is that everyone I know who has been successful in their recovery has done so by walking a spiritual path of one type or another, which is presumably why AA stresses the "higher power" thing. Don't want to seem like I'm evangelizing here, but it's something to consider.

I was raised catholic, yet I fought the turning it over to a higher power bit for awhile. Once I surrendered it I got it!! I cant explain it but it just clicked. The fight was over and I had lost, I was fine with it. Alchohol kicked my ass, I gave up. Thats when I really started to make progress.