It's official! The new lineup! "Van Halen 2002"

[ACK]

At last, we are proud to announce…

VAN HALEN 2002

Three huge egos, one guy who just tries to get along with everybody and Eric Singer!

The lineup:

LEAD VOCALS: Steve Perry
GUITARS: Edward Van Halen
KEYBOARDS: Dennis De Young
DRUMS: Eric Singer
BASS: Michael Anthony

A melting pot of musical talent and huge egos, Van Halen 2002 finds the California-based supergroup poised and ready to take over the rock world once again – if they can stay together that long.

EDDIE VAN HALEN: “This is the last fucking lineup I’m dealing with – ever. I swear to God on Wolfie’s grave that this is absolutely it. Anybody who disagrees with me better be wearing a cup!”

When progress on a reunion with original Van Halen vocalist David Lee Roth fell through in 1999, 2000 and 2001, legendary rock manager Tim Collins (Aerosmith) approached Eddie in rehab after too much time spent golfing and “…the occasional glass of wine.” The pitch was simple, to restore VH to its glory as the greatest rock band in America! After Eddie dried out, the two discussed potential vocalists.

EDDIE VAN HALEN: “Dave wasn’t working out, so I called him and said, ‘fugeddabouit, Dave! We needed a legendary vocalist whose career was pretty much over, so we thought about people and the one name that came to mind immediately was Steve Perry from Journey.”

That led them to former Journey vocalist Steve Perry. Perry was excited by the idea of fronting a major band once again, but refused to join unless he could at least fire the rhythm section of drummer Alex Van Halen and bassist Michael Anthony. While Perry knew he couldn’t take over this band, at least he could fire someone before he assumed the frontman’s slot so he’d feel at home in his new band.

EDDIE VAN HALEN: “We compromised on my brother Alex because Mikey’s the only guy who still gets along with everybody, he’s got plenty of Jack Daniels stashed away and still has stock in Cabo Wabo. I may hate Sammy Hagar’s guts, but at least he still has a source of income from his tequila, which, I might add, I never touch! And if I ever meet him, he better be wearing a cup.”

While these negotiations were being made, former Styx vocalist Dennis De Young found out about the new Van Halen and decided to offer his services to the group. Taking a break from his stage production of “Mr. Roboto goes to Summer Camp,” he quickly made his way to Eddie Van Halen’s home studio, got past the guards, broke into ‘5150,’ and offered his services and ego. Not knowing how to deal with this, they decided to accept. The next step was to find a drummer. Eric Singer, a longtime session man and studio musician, known chiefly for his stints in the Alice Cooper Band and KISS, was recruited to round out the quintet.

EDDIE VAN HALEN: “Eric is great. The first question he asked was, ‘Do I have to wear that stupid neck brace?’ (Note: former Van Halen drummer Alex Van Halen was forced to wear a neck brace on the band’s last few tours due to injuries sustained while trying to keep Eddie from kicking former lead singers in the balls) “I told him, ‘Nah, this isn’t a fucking KISS reunion or goodbye thing where you gotta wear someone else’s shit.’ I did ask him if he would, but he passed on it. Can’t blame the dude, really.”

Currently, the band is holed up at ‘5150,’ working up tracks for the new Van Halen album, slated for a Spring, 2002 release.

EDDIE VAN HALEN: “Steve (Perry) is my musical soulmate. He is my lover, my friend and my muse. I never had this connection with anyone. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s a guy, I’d dump Val in a heartbeat! Now, Van Halen is all it could ever be! This lineup is gonna last forever or I’m gonna take up the French tuba!”

Look for Van Halen 2002 to begin a summer tour, after the necessary rehabs and counseling sessions that will most likely result from this colliding of former superstar egos.

Management: Tim Collins for Head Case Productions
Record Label: Warner Bros. Records


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[ December 28, 2001 at 07:27 PM: Message edited by: ACK ]</p>

[Mean_Street]

Well, hey at least Eddie is calling DLR.. BTW..
(the story is made up right?)

[DLR'sCock]

LMFAO!!!! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/santa.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/drunk.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

[THEMrBrownSound]

LMFAO!!!

Lance, is that you?

SBS

[Raldo]

I was hesitant to read this post past the lineup but the Dennis De Young part had me in stitches. Since we have no Van Halen news, this will at least keep our laughter going.

[Rikk]

Fucking hilarious! It's genius. It's beyond genius...it's classic. The part about Steve Perry being his "lover" made me fall off my chair.

Great job!

[Halen88]

That was funny as hell!!!!! It gets "Two Snaps Up In a Circle" !! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/drunk.gif[/img]

[Mike Damone]

Heh...this reeks of Lance Watts.

[Legoman]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>EDDIE VAN HALEN: “Steve (Perry) is my musical soulmate. He is my lover, my friend and my muse. I never had this connection with anyone. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s a guy, I’d dump Val in a heartbeat! <hr></blockquote>

Brilliant! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

[SactoFan]

Funny, indeed! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

[laner]

that was awesome. those eddie quotes had me rolling. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[YankeeRose]

LOL! Good job ACK. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

[Lead Synth]

bradman@van-halen.com , but don't expect a reply

[BEZEK KNOWS BEST]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lead Synth:
bradman@van-halen.com , but don't expect a reply <hr></blockquote>


oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh

[ACK]

Glad you guys liked it. My cousin and I concocted this yesterday after drinks. I will keep you "updated" as necessary.

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