The Guys' Rules (don't be offended ladies, its all true)

**LoveWalkinIn** · 03.02.07, 07:51 AM

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT ! need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, MUSIC
or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on t he couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

**sickman** · 03.02.07, 08:30 AM

AMEN

**darthadv** · 03.02.07, 09:10 AM

here, here (hear, hear?)...

**ZeoBandit** · 03.02.07, 12:03 PM

Finally!!! Someone speaking my language!

**Thai Boxer 9901** · 03.02.07, 01:05 PM

Fucking Poetry!

**timmac** · 03.02.07, 01:34 PM

My wife asked me this morning if she looked fat, and I told her that she's breaking the rules and refused to answer the question. I'm gonna boycott any and all wifely questions/issues/actions that break the rules from now on.

I'll let you all know how it is, sleeping in the car.

**RRMB** · 03.02.07, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by timmac

My wife asked me this morning if she looked fat, and I told her that she's breaking the rules and refused to answer the question. I'm gonna boycott any and all wifely questions/issues/actions that break the rules from now on.

I'll let you all know how it is, sleeping in the car.

My ex-wife asked me that once, it went something like this.

Ex-RRMW: Hey, do I look fat in this?

RRMB: It depends on your definition of fat? Compared to a Hustler centerfold fat or compared to your sister fat?

Ex-RRMW: That's not very nice, I just want to know if I'm fat.

RRMB: You fall in between those two categories. And I'm not saying which side of that scale you are balancing on. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call my mom and see if she has my old room available for the next few nights.

**LoveWalkinIn** · 03.02.07, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by Redrockinmonkeyboy

My ex-wife asked me that once, it went something like this.

Ex-RRMW: Hey, do I look fat in this?

RRMB: It depends on your definition of fat? Compared to a Hustler centerfold fat or compared to your sister fat?

Ex-RRMW: That's not very nice, I just want to know if I'm fat.

RRMB: You fall in between those two categories. And I'm not saying which side of that scale you are balancing on. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call my mom and see if she has my old room available for the next few nights.

That's awesome!

**Nostalgia Act** · 03.02.07, 03:40 PM

SUPERB LIST!

Especially number 1.

**G3fan** · 03.02.07, 03:40 PM

Guess this goes along with the ladies' version I saw on MySpace. I will post 2 of the rules here. Major contradiction, PROVING they want dominance, not equality:

6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.

11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).

Sorry, not shaving the privates! I'm a man, not gay. A little trim is MOST I'll ever do, if that!

**HippieLettuce** · 03.02.07, 03:50 PM

How about this one...

Don't tell me I'm doing something wrong and then 10 minutes later do the same thing yourself and try and justify it. Double standards are bullshit...

**eden** · 03.02.07, 04:41 PM

ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)

**Nostalgia Act** · 03.02.07, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by eden

ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)

Women are awesome

Ex-wife's..........

**Rovus** · 03.02.07, 06:59 PM

Man, what a breath of fresh air.

**Executionor** · 03.02.07, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by eden

ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)

Quite true, however, THAT deserves its own thread. Vent on men!