The Planet-Shaking Album--Volume, Muscle Power, Gallons of Sweat & Total Intensity!!!

[Blind Willie Loons]

DLR BAND I--The Greates' VAN HALEN ALBUM SINCE 1984!!!!!! [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

From the Toastmaster of The Immoral Majority hiz bad self:

...And all this is based on again on all of the records that I grew up shoplifting, which was: Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, all of the early Motown--Aretha Franklin, James Brown, etc., etc., etc. All of these artists did the voodoo that they do so well, like, by dinnertime. I mean, I personally got lap dancers to tend to--all work and no play makes for some alarmingly predictable lyrics...

...This whole record, in fact, is not Kathy Lee approved. Frank will love it. And you got that American flag 'cause this is Diamond Dave's big rig-truckin' school-hot-pit-barbecue approach to,"Hey, let's have some black chicks and luau skirts, with cowboy hats, and have a Tahitian barbecue." What's the matter? You got something against cowboy hats?...

...I only got so many notes, but I can wrangle 'em...

...And my "B" parts and choruses are a lot more akin to toasting. The only adventures I regret are the ones I missed. "Anything else, Dave?" "Yeah, the pretty girls I never tried to kiss!"...

BWL shakin' 'em, breakin' 'em on down:

SLAM DUNK--a lil' hopped-up Hot For Teacher, Full Bug Part II, the onliest cut from DLR BAND revved up by DLR on '99 World Tour. A sizzlin', rattle-snakin' geetar solo.

BLACKLIGHT--Dig the wigglin' guitar and the crash of the drum!! The Zepplenified boogie woogie, a lil' Jimi forya, nice Mississippi saxophone solo. The Girl I Love She Got Long Black Wavy Hair Part II. Can you imagine a video for this toon?

COUNTERBLAST--Acksks the musical question, are you on-line?? Diggin' those funky pick-scrapes and that guitar tone dat cuts like barbwire. A mean-motor-scootin' buugie wuugie.

LOSE THE DRESS(KEEP THE SHOES)--The strip-club anthem of all-time. "A natural progression of events."

LITTLE TEXAS--A bit of spider music. Sonic-Boom Kamakazi guitar.

KING OF THE HILL--Cosmic wiggle guitar right here, y'all!! Can hear the hot thick black grease oozing out of the axe amplifiers SHO NUFF!!

GOIN' PLACES--Breezy, heavy, n cool. Eddie wishes he could write this kind of gem.

WAWAZAT--'Bout time. A lil' WHATGTGII fo ya yez yez yez.

RELENTLESS--A great cut. A lyrical masterpiece. DLR makes Shakespeare sound like Billy Joel.

INDEEDIDO--'This must be my favorite chorus.'

RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB--All Hell Yeah!!!!!! DLR always lays some gritty, full of dirt and spit bluez on ya cuz he fucking likes it that way!!

TIGHT--Private Parts Part II

WEEKEND WITH THE BABYSITTER--I've always been accused of writing songs that were nothing but cars and girls and so forth, and I thought to myself,"I've never done that intentionally so this time I'm gonna." The guitar playa sounds like he was twanging barbed wire with a six inch nail, playin' like a bull in a rut, pouding out comp chords and molten lead lines.

BLACKSAND--One of Dave's greates' vibe tunes, right up there with Coconut Grove, Hina, Damn Good, & Sunburn. Completely superior to a sack of shit, half-ass 'song' like Josephina. But that should be obvious to anyone wit just a tad more musical clue than a chimp. 'Course, there are morons 'round here that consider an awesome record like SKYSCRAPER cheesy(WAKE THE FUCK UP--SAMMY AND EDIE WERE THE MOTHERFUCKING KINGS OF SAPPY, CHEESY POP GARBAGE!!!). But I digress, cuz I really dig the whole Carribbean flava of this heavier than thou cut. Takes me away to an island FO SHO!! An' the yuppie barbecue bumblefucks never wrote a song nearly az good az thissun'!!

Diamond Dave's game is indeed bettah than evah. And if he has lost a step, well juss like MJ he's still a FORCE to be reckoned with. This record is loaded with classic Dave-isms: James Brown-esque screams, whiskey-soaked an' cigarette-stained growls, lowdown gutbucket blues groanin', high-energy hiccups, & rnb crunchfunk blues shoutin'.

I likes DLR BAND's old-school, garage punk blues basic production. Dave scoffs at over-produced 'perfect' studio nonsense. "Hey, man, if I came home and find out that the maid shined my one good pair of cowboy boots, I'd freak. Can ya dig it?"

Throw away you piece of dogshit 'Van Halen III' albums(the REAL VHIII iz Women and Children First--pick up the re-mastered version, it'll rock yo socks off) and get yer mojo workin' with the mighty, mighty DLR BAND!!!!!!
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[ January 17, 2002 at 05:47 PM: Message edited by: Blind Willie Loons ]</p>

[Glenn]

This is a prime time Songs/Albums topic. Gonna send it there now. [img]smile.gif[/img]