Mike-isms... Random comments from a co-worker...

[voivod]

Mike on the Wright Brothers…
Dave: I booked the 12:15 flight. So just get on the 12:15 flight.
Mike: I booked my flight, but I couldn’t get on the 12:15, but I got on the 12:19 flight. So I’m only 4 minutes behind you and we can just meet up at the airport.
Dave: You really think there’s a flight 4 minutes after one another. Hmm…I must have had the wrong time.

Mike on the Midwest…
Mike: I have a question for ya. Do I need to bring a passport to Ansul.
::Editors note - Ansul is in Marinett, Wisconsin::

Sean: PASSPORT!?
Mike: Well I didn’t know if we were going to go up to Canada for some nightly entertainment
Sean: Canada’s a 15 hour drive.
Mike: Well, I didn’t know what kind of travel documentation I was going to need.
Sean: Bring what you would bring if you were going to Boston.

Mike on Recreation…
Mike: Doing anything exciting this weekend?Marc: I’m actually going to Vermo…
Mike: Yeah I’m going Hang Gliding in New Hampshire.

Mike on Working for the Man…
Mike: How goes the battle?
Matt: Not bad
Mike: What’s on tap for today?
::No response. Matt begins typing an email::
Mike: Sooooo, whatchu typing over there?Matt: Umm, an email.

Mike: Soooo, whatcha building over there
Matt: Ummm, I’m writing something.

Engineers According to Mike…
Mike: All engineers like the weather.

Mike: All engineers like the space shuttle.

Kalyn: Yeah, they had two glass elevators on either side of the cruise ship.
Mike: Glass elevators…and engineer’s dream.

Mike on Construction Equipment…
Mike: I’ve got something for you.

:: Matt thinks to himself…“wow he might have done something cool for once”::

Matt: Oh yeah?
Mike: Check out this shovel. It’s a fine piece of engineering gadgetry.
Matt: Yeah…it sure is.
Mike: Yeah! And it folds too!

Mike on 50’s Automobiles…
Mike: Any big plans for the weekend?
Frank: Nothing special, how abo…
Mike: Yeah I gotta do some work on my Hot Rod this weekend.
Frank: Oh, you bought a hot rod?
Mike: It’s the one parked out there in the lot. (2006 Mustang GT)
Frank: Isn’t a hot rod an older car?

Mike on Drivers Ed…
Guy from Wisconsin: Turn here…
Mike: I can’t, there’s grass there.
Guy from Wisconsin: Not here you dumbass, at your next right!

Mike on First Impressions…
Mike: Hi, I’m here for a job interview with Claude Basio.
Robin: Just sign in over there and I’ll go get him.

::Mike signs in as Claude Basio::

Robin: Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Robin.
Mike: Hi, I’m Mike, let me tell you a little bit about myself…I had brain surgery.

Mike: How goes the battle?

::No response from Brian, because he is on the phone::
Mike: Sooooooo, what you doing?
Brian: DUDE! IM ON THE PHONE!

Mike on Proper Speech…
::Robin is having trouble opening a package::

Robin: Come on you son of a bitch.
Mike: You know your Fiancé isn’t going to want to marry you if you keep talking like that.
Robin: Excuse me!?
Mike: Well you know, you sho…
Robin: My husband is marrying me for this mouth.
Mike: Well you know, your gonna have a step-son and well…
Robin: Excuse me, I don’t talk to children like this.

::Mike walks away::

Mike on Learning the Ropes…Mike: How goes the battle?
Steve: Not bad…
Mike: Yeah, I’m just down here putting these calipers away. I don’t know where they go, you wanna show me?
Steve: Yeah, they go right here where it says “Calipers.”
Mike: Yeah, that’s where I got ‘em from, but I didn’t know if there was some type of method or something. You know, maybe by like serial number or something? You know why I’d think that though right? Cause you know, I’m still training, and you know, learning the ropes.Steve: Yeah…I’m going upstairs.

Mike: Maybe some time next week I’ll be down next week to explore and hang out with you guys.
Frank: Well, we don’t really hang out, we work.
Mike: Ohhh, yeah, that’s what I meant.

::The next day, Frank hears Mike’s voice as he is coming down the stairs::
::Frank jumps over his cubicle wall and hides::

Mike on Health and Fitness…
Mike: You really should get some rest; you’re never going to get any better.
Robin: I don’t want to hear it today, I already have a father, and I don’t need another one.
Mike: Well you know, I was just saying, you know…
::Robin walks away::

Mike on Police Speed Traps…
Mike: So I almost got my first speeding ticket today.
Matt: Oh yeah, how fast were you going.
Mike: Well I was coming down the hill on 101, you know, I was coming down the hill, slowing down though, you know, and he was just sitting there at the bottom of the hill. The speed limit was 50 and I was probably doing about mid 50’s you know. And sure enough, he didn’t even budge.
Matt: Yeah, I think they are only looking for people doing 70-80 down that hill. I think if your doing mid to high 50’s, your gonna be alright.

Mike on Workplace Activities…
Mike: So it looks like you got the blue shirt memo too huh?
Sean: What?
Mike: Well you’re wearing a blue shirt and so am I, and so is Matt.
Sean: Yeah…

Mike: We should have a joke of the day.
Sean: What?
Mike: You know, every day some one tells a joke, and then we take turns telling it.

Mike on Workplace Communication…
::Mike talking for past 5 minutes about nothing::
::Robin typing in silence::

Robin: Can you tell I’m not listening to a word your saying.

::Mike continues talking::

Robin: Look I’m really busy, I need you to leave.

::Mike takes a step back, stares blankly for about a minute, then slowly walks away::

Mike on Family Values…
Mike: So did you hear about that murder in Attleboro?
Matt: Yeah, actually I did.
Mike: Yeah, that was my cousin’s son. You know, I heard about a murder in Attleboro and I immediately said oh no, what did my cousin’s son do.
::Matt thinks to himself – “why would he assume that right away…isn’t Attleboro a town of like 40,000 people?”::

Mike on Guard Dogs…
Mike: What’s your bag doing there?
Sean: I put it in front of my closed door keep people out of my office.
Mike: That’s what I thought, but I decided to come in anyway.
Sean: Maybe tomorrow I’ll bring in a pit-bull to deter people from coming in.
Mike: I’ve always wanted to take on a pit-bull. I wanna see what kind of punch they pack.

Mike on E-Bay Sales…
Mike: Wow, I just put this car up last night at midnight and its already got like, 150 hits. No ones bid on it yet though.

::Matt gets up and leaves the room::

::Matt comes back into the room 3 minutes later::

Mike: Wow, I just put this car up last night at midnight and its already got like, 150 hits.

::Matt is dumbfounded::

Mike on Public Speaking…
::Mike is telling a story to Matt::
::Matt gets up to leave the room after he thinks the story is over::

Mike: Hold on I haven’t finished the story yet, I have one more sentence to tell you. Go get your coffee and I’ll tell you when you get back.

::Matt comes back into the room::

::Mike proceeds to say exactly 1 sentence::

Mike on Time off…
Mike: So I’m a little confused. You know how I get 1 vacation day per month? Well I think I’m going to have a problem in December. I’m not going to get my vacation day in December until Sunday the 31st. But I can’t carry any days over, so I’m going to get it on Sunday, and then lose it the next day. Should I call HR and see what they think I should do?
Brian: Maybe you should review the holiday/vacation policy first; I don’t want to call HR if we don’t need to.

::Mike goes back into his office and reads the Policy::

Mike: Oh. I think I’ve been doing it all wrong. Turns out I could have used my vacation time all at once.
Matt: Ohhhh maaaan, that sucks.
Mike: Yea, well, I probably would have done it like this anyway.

[jetguy5150]

I have a Mike sitting 2 desks over from me. Although we call him Steve. If I hear out of his mouth "at my last job we did it this way..." one more time I am going to insert a large stapler down his throat.

[hatchetforce]

I have a Mike sitting 2 desks over from me. Although we call him Steve. If I hear out of his mouth "at my last job we did it this way..." one more time I am going to insert a large stapler down his throat.

"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... "

[chefcraig]

"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... "

I simply can not accept the fact that that fellow was the boss on "News Radio".

[jetguy5150]

"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... "

Somehow that movie is even funnier when you actually read some of the dialogue. The stapler rant is hilarious!

[Mikey Metalhead]

I simply can not accept the fact that that fellow was the boss on "News Radio".

me either, news radio was sooo underated, I loved it. and the fact he can play two such different charactors is amazing.

[jetguy5150]

me either, news radio was sooo underated, I loved it. and the fact he can play two such different charactors is amazing.

It is too bad we lost Phil Hartman. That show was definitely underated. I think they would have been better continuing on without Bill McNeil than trying to fill the missing spot with that fucking idiot Jon Lovitz. I hate that guy. I never thought I would see the day when I wanted Subway to bring Gared back for their commercials!

[vhrocker]

It is too bad we lost Phil Hartman. That show was definitely underated. I think they would have been better continuing on without Bill McNeil than trying to fill the missing spot with that fucking idiot Jon Lovitz. I hate that guy. I never thought I would see the day when I wanted Subway to bring Gared back for their commercials!

Hell yeah, losing Phil sucked.

[Wickett]

I blame Joe Rogan for Newsradio not getting it's full recognition. I'm not sure that it's really his fault, I just don't like Joe Rogan..

[Viking]

I blame Joe Rogan for Newsradio not getting it's full recognition. I'm not sure that it's really his fault, I just don't like Joe Rogan..

I'm with you there! I just don't like that guy.

We had a guy at Cessna that used to be a truck driver. You could tell that the years on the road, talking to himself, had taken their toll. He would walk around and mumble something incomprehensible to himself and then laugh his ass off while shaking his head.

He also loved to blame everything wrong with the world on Reagan, and I mean EVERYTHING! He would also stop and listen in on a conversation and then comment on something completely unrelated. So say we were all standing around talking about the Vikings/Packers game, he would stand in and listen and then say something like, "I used to have a really nice guitar, before Reagan was President."

[Ted Van Halen]

I have a Mike sitting 2 desks over from me. Although we call him Steve. If I hear out of his mouth "at my last job we did it this way..." one more time I am going to insert a large stapler down his throat.

I had one named Dave. Apparently "they" do everything different/better in P.A. I know this because he could not follow instruction on even the most mundane task with muttering "well , that's not how we did it in P.A.", those words the rest of "us" laugh about to this day. What a dofuss. I am only amazed that it took 2 years to downsize the numbnuts.


Ted

[rchop84]

I had one named Dave. Apparently "they" do everything different/better in P.A. I know this because he could not follow instruction on even the most mundane task with muttering "well , that's not how we did it in P.A.", those words the rest of "us" laugh about to this day. What a dofuss. I am only amazed that it took 2 years to downsize the numbnuts.


Ted

And some people from there actually say, P.A., not Pennsylvania. Whats with that? I dont say i'm from "TX".

[Ted Van Halen]

And some people from there actually say, P.A., not Pennsylvania. Whats with that? I dont say i'm from "TX".

I know. He is from there & says it. I'm thinking, you know, if P.A. is so much better, then why isn't your sorry ass still there? I'll tell you why, 'cuz they didn't want you either! You don't join an organization as a peon & on day 1 start criticizing everything & everybody. At least not if you plan on being around a while.

Everybody has a place in this world. His fortunately is NOT across the hall from me

[Dimoncutr]

Mike comes into Dimoncutr's cubical and starts talking about nothing.

Dimoncutr: FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!!!