7 year old won't sleep all night

**the insider** · 10.02.06, 10:45 AM

hi folks. i'm the proud dad two young gals (7 and 4) both of whom are great kids. here's the issue: for the last eight months or so, my 7 year old wakes up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. she doesn't have bad dreams or anything but is absolutely scared to be in her bedroom. she will either end up in bed with me and mom (my wife) or on the couch (to be near us) in the adjacent living room. she is absolutely petrified if we try to take her back up to her room in the middle of the night. we have tried everything to get her to stay in her bed at night, including the following:

-walk her back up to her room

-explain how 'safe' our house is

-turned all the lights on in her room (so it's bright)

-rearranged her room to accomdate her preferred layout

-used incentives, such as sticker charts, to get a prize at the end of the week.

-positive reinforcement for 'near' success (she has had zero nights in her bed since the problem happened).

we cannot remember anything that happened to cause this. after the above trials, we are at the end of our rope and are about to resort to punishment if she doesn't show progress. i hate to ever use any form of negative reinforcement but i feel we've exhausted all options.

any advice would be grateful!

thanks,

jay

**WinterlessIceness** · 10.02.06, 10:59 AM

I would never use a punishment, mate. Not until you consult with therapists about the matter and they say everything's fine with your daughter. When I was 5-ish/6-ish my parents moved me to a sepparate room and all I recall is myself being scared as hell, the difference was my dad had been telling me what in adults language would be translated as "be a man don't be a pussy", or something. I grew over being scared, alas my problems didn't go away along with it.

**weesfreewheelin** · 10.02.06, 11:01 AM

Take away nap time maybe?

**billy007** · 10.02.06, 11:05 AM

That would drive me nuts. All my children seem to be afraid of a good night's sleep. I have a 14 year-old that thinks people are weird if they like their room dark and quiet, a 10 year-old that does ok going to sleep, but still frequently pushes himself beyond the time when he should be thinking about getting sleep (or gets up too early). Then there's my 7 year old, who announced maybe when he was 3 or 4 "I don't sleep very good". He gets that from me - it's hard for him to fall asleep and he's been known to get up in the middle of the night and start playing. Even him and the 10 year old getting up at 5 in the morning to play f'ing video games. Your problem sounds a little different.

The only thing I can think of is maybe your wife sleeping in the girl's room with her for a few nights?

**loveevhsince79** · 10.02.06, 11:17 AM

Sounds like a tough one to figure out. When you talk to her the next day, what is she saying exactly that is making her afraid? When you say you have the room bright, do you mean when you try to put her back in the room you turn on the lights so she can see everything is okay or are you meaning that you have left a light on all night?

Here are a couple of things I used. There is a wonderful book called The Underbed. It's a book that gives kids control to scare away the monster under the bed. The other is maybe the 7 and 4 yr old sharing a bed? When it storms, I let the kids sleep together. Maybe having her little sister in the room might make her feel better.

I would also try calling your pediatrician. Perhaps they can suggest some other strategies or provide insight as to other causes.

**BottomzUp** · 10.02.06, 02:02 PM

My little girl was an angel and slept though the night starting at 8 months. THEN came my little boy! He spent the first few years HAVING to go to sleep with mommy and it didn't get any better until we used blackmail. We did all of the reassuring he's safe, leaving a light on etc. We came to realize that he did it primarily because he KNEW he could. To make a long story short, we used things he loves as motivation. We had tickets to go see Motocross races and told him that only 'big boys' can go to the races and big boys stay in their bed. He also likes going to the park up the street to play baseball and we used that as well. He started staying in his room through the night immediately. Of course every child is different so there are NO sure things. With Ty we just found that using priviledges or special treats as motivation worked well.

GOOD LUCK! I mean that! I know this stuff isn't easy.

**Seshmeister** · 10.02.06, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by the insider

hi folks. i'm the proud dad two young gals (7 and 4) both of whom are great kids. here's the issue: for the last eight months or so, my 7 year old wakes up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. she doesn't have bad dreams or anything but is absolutely scared to be in her bedroom. she will either end up in bed with me and mom (my wife) or on the couch (to be near us) in the adjacent living room. she is absolutely petrified if we try to take her back up to her room in the middle of the night. we have tried everything to get her to stay in her bed at night, including the following:

-walk her back up to her room

-explain how 'safe' our house is

-turned all the lights on in her room (so it's bright)

-rearranged her room to accomdate her preferred layout

-used incentives, such as sticker charts, to get a prize at the end of the week.

-positive reinforcement for 'near' success (she has had zero nights in her bed since the problem happened).

we cannot remember anything that happened to cause this. after the above trials, we are at the end of our rope and are about to resort to punishment if she doesn't show progress. i hate to ever use any form of negative reinforcement but i feel we've exhausted all options.

any advice would be grateful!

thanks,

jay

Try playing Van Hagar music in her room overnight...

**racefan8** · 10.02.06, 09:12 PM

Hmmmmmmmm. Ok, BottomzUp is absolutely correct in that she is doing this because she can. You've stated that there's no detectable reason for this behavior. You've tried all the positive incentives and nothing has worked. Let me describe to you what went on with my son. Maybe it will help.

The boy was 3 and I was very pregnant with the girl. He kept getting up at night and I didn't get enough sleep as it was. So one night after repeated attempts to reason with him, I laid down the law. I put him to bed like normal and held the door shut for 8 hours. Yes. EIGHT hours straight, sitting on the floor in front of his door with my arm over my head holding the door knob tight. I talked to him thru the door explaining to him what I expected of him and that he was safe and just fine, and that I was right there. He beat on that door and yelled and cried and pleaded and cajoled for the entire time. Talk about a battle of wills. And that is exactly what it was, a battle of wills. Either I was going to win and we'd have peace each night, or he would win and I'd never be able to make demands of him again. I'd lose my credibility. Kids constantly test limits. They need to know that you love them enough to set boundaries. Anyway, I let him out when he insisted he had to pee, then he went right back in and I held that door. The next night we did the same dance, only it was only for a few hours. The third night it was just a few times that I had to threaten to hold the door shut. It was never a problem after that. Now, you can only pull this if you know the child is truly safe in their room, not truly afraid, and that they are in fact merely manipulating you. I must say, each of those mornings when I showered him with love, he did not hate me as I had worried. Good luck.

**markp** · 10.02.06, 11:43 PM

Do you guys send her to her room for punishment? It could be the problem.

I read somewhere years ago that you shouldn't send kids to their own room for timeouts etc. because they can start to hate their room altogether. We try and follow that advise with our own daughter and will typically send her to our room or the family room (silent) instead. When I notice her not playing in her room from time to time, we'll call family nights in there - play games, build sleeping tents (with blankets), and eat snacks. She begs us sometimes to have a family night in there.

**onefootoutthedoor** · 10.03.06, 12:36 AM

play VHIII for her and she'll be asleep in no time.

**te5150** · 10.03.06, 02:25 AM

Hey Jay:

I can't find in your post why this is an issue. During nights when she moves to the couch, does she wake you first? If not, I'd let it pass.

In other words, don't make it a battle of wills if it doesn't need to be. Tell her it's OK to sleep on the couch. Tell her it's OK to sleep on the floor in the hall. Lock your bedroom door and tell her she can sleep on the kitchen table if that's where she feels safe.

We did this with our 5 year old. After a couple of weeks of sleeping everywhere in the house (except our bed), he ended up deciding his mattress was the softest and best place. No screaming, no arguing. He figured it out when we gave him space to do it.