Most Embarassing Farts
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  1. #1
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    Default Most Embarassing Farts

    Yes this may be disgusting to some, yet funny to most.

    Post the place or setting you were in where you broke the wind and everyone knew it.

    For me it was at Home Depot, my wife was checking out plants in the inside glass enclosed section and I was about 50 feet away looking at the grills. I let out a fairly loud one and looked behind me and there was a MILF with her young son in the shopping cart. She looked at me kind of surprised and giggled and kept on shopping.
    My wife looks at me from that far away and I think she is busting on me for checking out the MILF but she heard the fart as well.
    To make it even worse, the stink filled up that whole area. Thats when others walking by looked at me since I was the only guy thats been there for awhile.

    My wife still swears to this day that a few plants died that night.
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  2. #2
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  3. #3
    Somebody Get Me A Doctor

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    I am a proud social farter. I've often stood in the glory of my own stink in places like Target, Borders and the public library. I farted in the face of some wasted guy who'd taken my seat at the Van Halen "Diver Down" show in San Francisco, while I stood, he just planted himself in my seat, not knowing I'd had Cow Palaces' nuclear-waste-nachoes with cheese. His face only inches from my ass as I blasted away one world-ender after another.

    Ahhh, good times.

    There was one night, however, that I'd like to have back. I was working late at the toy store and it was closing time and I went to lock the doors. As I locked the front door I ripped a masterpiece as I loudly did my best Cheech Marin, quoting from "Up In Smoke" when he's standing at the urinal and says "Oh, that's the one!" in a thick hispanic accent.

    Turns out there was someone still in the store, and she was a hot blonde.

    Oh yes, she heard me.
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  4. #4
    Take Your Whiskey Home
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    My most embarrassing public farts were the ones that turned out to be more than farts...
    "Suck a fat one, faggot."
    -MikeL, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    "You may recognize some of these chemicals. Let's start with cyanide...The one the Aum Shinrikyo cult attempted to use to commit mass murder in a Tokyo subway in May 1995...The same cyanide produced routinely--1.4 million tons per year--for use in the production of plastics, adhesives, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and so on. It seems that those who put small amounts of cyanide in subways are terrorists. But those who produce it in mass quantities and contaminate broad reaches of soil, water, and air, killing countless living beings, are not terrorists, but rather capitalists, and are counted among the finest and most powerful people on the planet."

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  5. #5
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    About 5 years ago I was working support for a company who was billing me out at 90$/hr and I had this support call for this office that had to have a new MSI file on a computer infested with virri.

    So I walked in the open front office which was inside a nice atrium, so no one heard me coming through the door and I walk in and smell this horrible stench. I mean it was worse than my brother's chili farts.. geez, I hadn't had breakfast or lunch and I'm standing there with my eyes about to fall out of my head and I look to my right, and there she is. Holy momma, one of the hottest blondes I had ever seen in my life; and no one else in the office..

    She gets up real fast and shuts the door to the room she was in right around the corner and grabs my arm and leads me to the office with the computer. I know she was thinking I didn't notice, but OMG what a stench. That poor girl, as hot as she was, I think needed surgery or something. Damn, what a way to ruin my hungry stomach and my view of hot blondes in general.

    I found out once and for all that hot chicks are no exception.

  6. #6
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    i remember farting in study hall once. i was takin' a nap, but woke up just in time to catch the end of the fart, and to see everyone lookin' at me.
    "is this a good show tonight, or fuckin' what?" - DLR, Montreal, 11/10/07

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  7. #7
    Eruption
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    I did a combo 'sneeze-fart' in the line at McDonalds once.
    It's always very hard to know how to react with these... because you are unsure wether or not the 'Sneeze volume' covered the 'fart volume'.

    I pretended nothing happened.... untill the foul stench filled the air....on which I left and got KFC instead.


  8. #8
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    Technically, what are they called..."snart" ?

  9. #9
    Runnin' With The Devil

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    Quote Originally Posted by janthraxx
    My most embarrassing public farts were the ones that turned out to be more than farts...
    So you discussing a shart?

  10. #10
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    ....we're kinda getting into Blumpkin territory here...

  11. #11
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    My most embarrassing fart was one I cracked off last year. I was getting a little oral pleasure from my fiancee before I left for work, and right at the moment of glory, PFFFTT! It was embarrassing, but we couldn't help but laugh.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

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    In History class in Junior High School. One of those that couldn't be held in anymore. Figures the room was dead quiet too (until I "chimed" in).
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    Quote Originally Posted by theinside
    I did a combo 'sneeze-fart' in the line at McDonalds once.
    It's always very hard to know how to react with these... because you are unsure wether or not the 'Sneeze volume' covered the 'fart volume'.

    I pretended nothing happened.... untill the foul stench filled the air....on which I left and got KFC instead.

    I hate it when this happens. You aren't sure if only a fart is going to come out since you are sneezing as well and can't concentrate on keeping everything in....
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

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    I've had those instances where I've been in the executive offices and I blasted in their leather chair while they are out in the hall and I'm working on their PC. The one time I did it, it came out all hot and I knew it was bad news. I'm thinking, 'please rise and go away quickly!' but it was no use. Even though I couldn't really smell it anymore, I knew it was horrible. The executive walked in and pretended nothing happened, but I could hear him sniffing in the air like a dog. I just looked at the screen....there was no way I was going to make eye contact. I finished what I was doing and got the hell out of there.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viking
    My most embarrassing fart was one I cracked off last year. I was getting a little oral pleasure from my fiancee before I left for work, and right at the moment of glory, PFFFTT! It was embarrassing, but we couldn't help but laugh.
    Ohhh man...that sucks hahahaha!
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