Step kids in their teenage years

**cokemach1** · 06.12.06, 09:23 PM

I got married a year ago Sunday. My wife has 2 kids from a previous marriage. The 2 boys she has currently live with us (for how long - ?).

What do you do with a 16 year old that has hardly any rules, but when you tell him you can't leave past 10 PM one night and he sneaks out? Tears down a fence that will cost about $3,000 to replace.
Then you tell him he can't drive (just got his license and IS NOT ready to drive on his own yet), and he still does.

THEN when you confront him, he's like, "Uh, oh, I didn't mean to do that." No sorry, nothing. He is literally almost laughing. I start yelling so he starts rolling his eyes. So now he is going to live with his father for the summer (sorry doesn't break my heart - don't know if I should be having these feeling, but when you do so much (not just possessions but serious time spending) for someone, you'd expect a little respect, right? Well, I'm wrong here.).

He's got TV, internet, car, guitar, etc. (some of which I didn't get him), and doesn't care about any body else.

I honestly want him gone for good. My wife isn't so sure yet. However, she is shocked at the son that she now has. Thoughtless, (and no brain - Jessica Simpson is Einstein compared to him - but I'm angry right now, so I guess I would say that). He freakin' killed her when he basically laughed and then when he went to his dad's (who he doesn't like until he buys him something, then dad is swell!)

What do you do? Let 'em go and let them see that dad only drinks at the bar and plays video games? We had college money set up and everything. No way I'm paying school for a kid like this.

Help fellow linkers! Don't know what to do (and I'm nervous because I think I don't even care). That's is not good, I know. BUT I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks.

P.S. I didn't even mention the younger boy. Makes the older one look like a saint.

P.S.S. Sorry to wine like a school girl. Maybe Oprah can help me.

"F" THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!

**Brian Gibson** · 06.12.06, 09:38 PM

You have my sympathy.... sounds like a job for Super Nanny....

**sisca** · 06.12.06, 09:43 PM

Originally Posted by cokemach1

I got married a year ago Sunday. My wife has 2 kids from a previous marriage. The 2 boys she has currently live with us (for how long - ?).

What do you do with a 16 year old that has hardly any rules, but when you tell him you can't leave past 10 PM one night and he sneaks out? Tears down a fence that will cost about $3,000 to replace.
Then you tell him he can't drive (just got his license and IS NOT ready to drive on his own yet), and he still does.

THEN when you confront him, he's like, "Uh, oh, I didn't mean to do that." No sorry, nothing. He is literally almost laughing. I start yelling so he starts rolling his eyes. So now he is going to live with his father for the summer (sorry doesn't break my heart - don't know if I should be having these feeling, but when you do so much (not just possessions but serious time spending) for someone, you'd expect a little respect, right? Well, I'm wrong here.).

He's got TV, internet, car, guitar, etc. (some of which I didn't get him), and doesn't care about any body else.

I honestly want him gone for good. My wife isn't so sure yet. However, she is shocked at the son that she now has. Thoughtless, (and no brain - Jessica Simpson is Einstein compared to him - but I'm angry right now, so I guess I would say that). He freakin' killed her when he basically laughed and then when he went to his dad's (who he doesn't like until he buys him something, then dad is swell!)

What do you do? Let 'em go and let them see that dad only drinks at the bar and plays video games? We had college money set up and everything. No way I'm paying school for a kid like this.

Help fellow linkers! Don't know what to do (and I'm nervous because I think I don't even care). That's is not good, I know. BUT I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks.

P.S. I didn't even mention the younger boy. Makes the older one look like a saint.

P.S.S. Sorry to wine like a school girl. Maybe Oprah can help me.

"F" THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!

two words: ASS BEATING.

he'll straighten out.

**smithjc** · 06.12.06, 11:43 PM

I agree with Sisca. Where's mom in all this? What are her thoughts? A 16 year old w/o rules is trouble waiting to happen. My son's 16 and he's got rules and chores to do.

But what does mom think about all this?

**Dance The Night Away** · 06.12.06, 11:47 PM

I have a brother like your step son. He didn't listen to anyone (my dad, mom, or step-parents). Things got better when my mom and dad joined forces (even though they didn't get along) and let him know that he couldn't just move back and forth everytime he didn't get his way. This solved some problems but not all of them.

**smithjc** · 06.12.06, 11:50 PM

yeah the kid's gotta have boundaries, limits. This kinda reminds me of that emo kid thread. Same age and everything. Man what is it about kids today? It's all too easy for them, nothing like when we were growing up.

But since I'm sounding like an ol' fogette, I'll shut up now.

**janthraxx** · 06.13.06, 12:59 AM

Jeez Carol, keep it down, lest you sabotage all chances of wild manwhore action

**voivod** · 06.13.06, 04:41 AM

Originally Posted by smithjc

yeah the kid's gotta have boundaries, limits. This kinda reminds me of that emo kid thread. Same age and everything. Man what is it about kids today? It's all too easy for them, nothing like when we were growing up. But since I'm sounding like an ol' fogette, I'll shut up now.

BINGO!!!

**loveevhsince79** · 06.13.06, 05:37 AM

Mom and Dad need to step up to the plate because you are going to be spinning your wheels to have an impact. A family meeting should be held with you included to discuss what is expected and the consequences when it doesn't happen. If he lives with Mom or Dad should make no difference, the rules are the rules at both homes.

As for now, it wouldn't be that hard for me to start making changes. The Internet would be disconnected, the TV, guitar and car sold. If you don't want to sell it, lock it up and take away the keys. You do not have to provide these things, they are not necessities. If he wants extra money for movies, CD's or expensive tennis shoes, I'd suggest a job. I'd even be sure to cook his least favorite food once a week.

As for Mom, she needs to get tough. If she loves her son, it's going to take a lot of strength on her part to love him enough to have him hate her for a while like a spoiled brat that's not getting his way until he realizes that life is better when he cooperates. Set goals, when met, you get the TV back or guitar or whatever. Don't yell about it, start taking away anything and everything you can but immediately give it back when there is improvement.

**I'm_your_IceCreamMan** · 06.13.06, 07:49 AM

I have a teenager myself, and maybe sometimes I do feel like whippin his a$$ when he gives me lip. BUT, the method that works for me? Take ALL that shit out of his room (TV, XBOX, DVD player, IPOD, etc.) indefinitely, and no contact w/any friends - I think we used to call this "grounded" when we were kids? - and double his chores, until he can apologize for his f*ck up, whatever it may be.

You my friend, are in a different situation, with this kid being your "step-child". But you married his mother, and he's part of the package, so it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. I think the mother should be a little more active in disciplining her kid, and laying down the rules for them, letting them know that when she ain't around, what you say goes.

**LoveWalkinIn** · 06.13.06, 10:27 AM

Speaking frankly, if my mom got remarried when I was 15, I wouldn't give a rat's ass what rules my new stepdad tried to impose on me on his own. I think most boys that age probably would be damn close to laughing at you like you said he was. In my mind, it's like when some other kid's dad tried to tell you what to do, but whatever he was saying was something you'd only listen to if it was coming from your own dad's mouth, and you'd just scoff. Unless your wife is pushing what you're trying to impose as well, it's not going to work. My .02 cents. She just has to back you up on this stuff.

**smithjc** · 06.13.06, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by janthraxx

Jeez Carol, keep it down, lest you sabotage all chances of wild manwhore action

Well those activities are for later on when they're actually full grown mimbos. None of the crybaby immature crap.

**cokemach1** · 06.13.06, 11:12 AM

Thanks for all the replies.

One thing I did not make clear. It's not even me telling him stuff he can and can't do, it's his Mom TOO!!

The biggest problem that we have had is when he goes to dad's house, there aren't any rules because dad really doesn't care. He'll buy them a video game and then go watch TV on his own spending no time with them. And there is NO line of communication between the kid's Mom & "dad". His current wife won't let it because he tries to bang everything that moves, so she doesn't trust him - that's how they got together. The Mom & dad only have e-mail contact.

Get this. The youngest of their 2 kids got suspended for fighting in 7th grade (this past March). My wife e-mailed him telling him what happenned, and NOT ONE WORD was mentioned when the kid went to his dad's for the weekend about the suspension. It was as many video games and movies as he could watch.

Get what I'm dealing with here. Actually, and my wife will be the first one to tell you, kids should not have kids. My wife married this fuck when they were both 18. Had their first at 19 and second at 22.

From the way it sounds, both boys are a chip off the old block. What they want is all that matters (although that might be most kids).

Once again, sorry to be a whiney bitch. I really do appreciate everything you all have to say.

"F" THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!

P.S. Man, am I gonna be WAISTED when Hagar and Mikey come to town. July 22nd is TOO far away (good influence, eh)!

**loveevhsince79** · 06.13.06, 11:16 AM

How do I say this nicely..... You're fucked. If daddy is sabotaging everything you try to put in place and he will let him live with him, let the kid go.

**cokemach1** · 06.13.06, 11:49 AM

Originally Posted by loveevhsince79

How do I say this nicely..... You're fucked. If daddy is sabotaging everything you try to put in place and he will let him live with him, let the kid go.

Hate to say it, but I've thought this all along.

Well, here is the real issue with that. I'm not fucked. The 2 boys are. What are they going to grow up to be like? And they will pass all the "positive" traits down, just like pop.

If they stay on their current pace, you all will be telling them you want fries with that.

I hope for their sake, I'm wrong. I don't care if they ever speak to me again, I just don't want them to be in jail and a complete embarassment to their mother and family (and themselves). I don't matter in this when it comes down to it, and I don't have a problem with that, honestly I don't (and I'm not patting myself on the back - it's reality and I had this feeling going in that at least if they knew I always tried to do the right thing, that's all I could do whether they liked it or not). It's about what THEY turn into as grown ups.

This sucks.

Thanks again for all your input! Damn, it's great to be a fan of VH (they treat us like garbage, but at least we've got each other - the fans that is).

"F" THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!