Van Halen 1999-2003: The Expose

**Sweet William** · 12.15.02, 08:48 PM

A thought just occurred to me, and I want to see what everyone else thinks about it -- I'm a little surprised that the Van Halen circus has not yet been given a full treatment in the rock press.

Think about it; it makes for great copy:

Kato leaves in 1999; Dave comes in for a couple tunes and it doesn't work out; Dave and Sam go out on tour together and hate each other.

Now drill down a level, a little behind the scenes: Ed's tongue cancer, Ed continuing to smoke after tongue cancer; Ed's pending divorce; Al's Howard Hughes-like hermitism; Dave and Ed trading veiled insults on their respective websites; Ed giving a major interview to a GOLF MAGAZINE; Mike's inconsistent comments about who would be singing and when; Dave's bizarre BBQ video; lawsuits against Dave; lawsuit involving Sam's biography; Sam selling shampoo and bath & body lotion; Dave's constant "Vagina Monologues" insults about Gary; Sam and Dave both calling their own respective reunions with VH "inevitable"; etc.

Now drill down another level, to the fanbase. People wigging out over reunion rumors that don't come true. Rothtards v. Redtards v. Ed-tards. Eat Us and Smile v. Up Front Fanatics. DLR Army v. Links. DLR Justice probably being backed by Roth. Brad Starks (retch) and the Pasture Dump. The closing of the Pasture Dump. The RolsGuitars incident (i.e., Mike and Brad lying). Sherman. FORD. Fernando. Hamburger Head. HITCH1969. Hitchworld.

While totally embarrassing for the band and its fans, WOULD THIS ALL MAKE A GREAT STORY OR WHAT?!?! It would be hilarious. I'm thinking a feature piece in Rolling Stone or SPIN, written with a tone along the lines of, "Van Halen: The Real Spinal Tap."

You couldn't make shit like this up if you tried.

**Ryerye** · 12.15.02, 09:06 PM

When the time comes, it will make for a great seven hour "Behind the Music."

**Steven B** · 12.15.02, 09:39 PM

That post reminded me of the song "We Didnt Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

**Mas Tequila** · 12.15.02, 10:38 PM

Originally posted by Steven B:
That post reminded me of the song "We Didnt Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

lol

**empyrelounge5150** · 12.15.02, 10:49 PM

It is a great story but imagine cutting through all the b.s. to the stories. How many different versions to each story are there....it would be a freaking novel.

**MikeL** · 12.15.02, 11:27 PM

It's really not that interesting, especially if you aren't much of a fan. Gary splits, Dave tries out, Eddie gets sick, some brief public sparring wrapped up in platitudes, and a tour by the former singers. Oh, the drama...

**The7thSeal** · 12.16.02, 09:13 AM

Its all a bunch of ass-whipeing to me

**Raldo** · 12.16.02, 10:48 AM

VH1 Behind The Music - Van Halen Anthology

Hour 1 - Club Days
Hour 2 - Roth Years Part 1
Hour 3 - Roth Years Part 2
Hour 4 - Hagar Years Part 1
Hour 5 - Hagar Years Part 2
Hour 6 - 1996
10 Minutes - Gary Year
Hour 7 + 50 Minutes - 1999 thru 2003
Bonus Hour - The Search for Alex Van Halen