Sorry-do what ya gotta do)- but this was the funniest shit I've heard in a decade!!!!

[Top Jimmy #1]

[img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] I had to do it......this had to get seen one last time...this had me doubled-over with laughter!!!!!...Now, I know it's grim, but I think even the VH brothers would laugh their asses off!!!!!!!! (watch that neck, Al) [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

It occurred to me after hearing about Dave's lawsuit with the Van Halen Syndicate that the Classic Van Halen lineup is now officially toast never to be seen or heard together again. Like the breakup of the Beatles there is nothing left to do but sit back and watch them get fat, bald, old and useless. Their unique talents and chemistry squandered down the drain. There will be no reunion tour although there will be the lame solo projects that pale in comparison to their past glories. At some point maybe they'll be on "Unplugged" with substitute members like some bands. How sick is that? And so as each Van Halen member gets one step closer to the grave, what will the last days of Van Halen be like? The health issues, the self destructive tendencies, the emotional instability issues, the divorces, the addictions and afflictions, the unforeseen twists of fate that happen to all of us. What does the devil have in store for these boys? Who the hell can say? Anybody care to make a couple of predictions? I'll go first...

[Top Jimmy #1]

Alex will die in a fiery car crash on the I-5 freeway in Los Angeles caused by an unsafe lane change due to his inability to properly check his mirrors in his Ferrari because of his chronic neck problems. Unfortunately other innocent lives are lost in the rush hour pileup. There will be no more boring drums solos by Alex.

As for Dave, in an ironic twist of fate after spending a lifetime being an egotistical pain in everybody else's ass, he develops a fatal and irreversible case of colon cancer. Learning that Dave is now actually skinnier than he, Eddie flies to the hospital to deliver to Dave that promised kick in the balls he always threatened him with. The last words Dave hears are "So long asshole!" as Eddie chuckles out the door.

Eddie will go on to write sappy ballads about the death of his brother, his divorce to Yoko Bertinelli, his new marriage to Paul McCartney's newly widowed one legged wife and his triumphant ball smacking of the late David Lee Roth. As "Ballbreaker" sells out everywhere Eddie gets to bask in the glory of success one more time before he is claimed by the bad karma he has generated which returns to him in the form of prostrate cancer. Somewhere David Lee Roth is laughing his ass off... Well, maybe not his ass.

It is Michael Anthony's destiny to be the final surviving Classic Van Halen member. He lives a long life of fast cars and fast women all the while sporting his trademark mullett style haircut. With no one left to stop him he releases a flood of never before seen or heard vintage Van Halen. The Van Halen legend is exposed to a whole new generation who suddenly understand what a real rock band is supposed to look and sound like. Heavy metal goes through a great renaissance. In the finest bass player tradition, he finally succumbs to a long life of Jack Daniel's and strippers in his eighties but his contribution to the fans will never be forgotten. With him die the real secrets of why the greatest rock band that ever lived never reunited while their fans still cared.

Okay, now let's hear yours.........

[topjimmy71672]

[ December 16, 2002, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: topjimmy71672 ]

[topjimmy71672]

Originally posted by Top Jimmy #1:
[img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] I had to do it......this had to get seen one last time...this had me doubled-over with laughter!!!!!...Now, I know it's grim, but I think even the VH brothers would laugh their asses off!!!!!!!! (watch that neck, Al) [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

It occurred to me after hearing about Dave's lawsuit with the Van Halen Syndicate that the Classic Van Halen lineup is now officially toast never to be seen or heard together again. Like the breakup of the Beatles there is nothing left to do but sit back and watch them get fat, bald, old and useless. Their unique talents and chemistry squandered down the drain. There will be no reunion tour although there will be the lame solo projects that pale in comparison to their past glories. At some point maybe they'll be on "Unplugged" with substitute members like some bands. How sick is that? And so as each Van Halen member gets one step closer to the grave, what will the last days of Van Halen be like? The health issues, the self destructive tendencies, the emotional instability issues, the divorces, the addictions and afflictions, the unforeseen twists of fate that happen to all of us. What does the devil have in store for these boys? Who the hell can say? Anybody care to make a couple of predictions? I'll go first...

Couldn't have said it better myself....but I would like to add that anybody who considers Sammy with Van Halen a reunion is an idiot!

[Top Jimmy #1]

Chapter Two: Sharing a sunset......

With the time spent together over the last few years, on the DLR and sammy Tour and after, having been such good times.....and all the shared memories.....Mike Anthony moves into Sam Hagar's Hawaiian estate....Hawaii being the only state to allow Same-sex marriages.....Sammy and Mike finally come out of the closet and get married.....and live in wedded bliss until Mike catches Sammy in the cellar with a life-size blow-up doll of ....Sammy Hagar!!!!! [img]graemlins/scared.gif[/img]

[Top Jimmy #1]

HEY PIMP:
I better get co-writing credit for this book....or you better be wearing a cup!!!!! [img]graemlins/wtf.gif[/img]

[ December 16, 2002, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Top Jimmy #1 ]

[GIBSON PIMP]

topjimmy71672

Who the hell said anything about a spammy-Van Halen re-union? [img]graemlins/wtf.gif[/img] Not me. If you read carefully, he's not even mentioned. Try again. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

[Sweet William]

My predictions:

Dave: fades into a sad obscurity; lives out his last days as the quintessential "dirty old man," locked away in his estate enjoying young women and powerful pharmaceuticals liberally prescribed by Hollywood's finest physicians.

Ed: becomes less and less productive as life and career continue to crumble; lives out his last days as a washed-up talent but continues to be recognized and honored for his brilliance as a guitarist and talent for songwriting.

Al: See Dave, above, except Al does all of that without ever taking off his sunglasses.

Sam: abandons current wife the day after her 40th birthday, begins new life with highly attractive 28-year old proclaiming, "This time, I'm marrying for love"; lives out his last days eating a high-fat diet and overstating his musical legacy to all who will listen; dies the richest Van Halen member after 35 years of strong tequila sales (shampoo and album sales having long-since dried up).

Mike: continues to play with cars, jam with Sammy, and eat with Sammy for the next 35 years, showing little desire or ambition to do anything else; lives out his last days refusing to cut his mullet and waiting to take orders from one or more of Dave, Sam, Ed or Al.

Gary: who?

[Bob_R]

Originally posted by Top Jimmy #1:
Chapter Two: Sharing a sunset......

With the time spent together over the last few years, on the DLR and sammy Tour and after, having been such good times.....and all the shared memories.....Mike Anthony moves into Sam Hagar's Hawaiian estate....Hawaii being the only state to allow Same-sex marriages.....Sammy and Mike finally come out of the closet and get married.....and live in wedded bliss until Mike catches Sammy in the cellar with a life-size blow-up doll of ....Sammy Hagar!!!!! [img]graemlins/scared.gif[/img]

LMFAO!!!! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]

[GMAN5150]

[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] Doesn't take much to humor some people

[Bob_R]

Originally posted by GMAN5150:
[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] Doesn't take much to humor some people

Mind your own business jerkoff! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] <----- This is what happens when you listen to Not for Download, I mean Sale!

[Nature Boy]

That's easy!!

Dave - Game Show Host
Eddie - Mental Ward
Mike - Sumo Wrestler
Al - Gynecologist

[GMAN5150]

Originally posted by EVH FANATIC:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by GMAN5150:
[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] Doesn't take much to humor some people

Mind your own business jerkoff! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] &lt;----- This is what happens when you listen to Not for Download, I mean Sale! </font>[/QUOTE]Jerkoff??? Excuse me....Did I direct anything at you in specific ???? No I think not.

[Bob_R]

Originally posted by GMAN5150:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by EVH FANATIC:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by GMAN5150:
[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] Doesn't take much to humor some people

Mind your own business jerkoff! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/sleep.gif[/img] &lt;----- This is what happens when you listen to Not for Download, I mean Sale! </font>[/QUOTE]Jerkoff??? Excuse me....Did I direct anything at you in specific ???? No I think not.</font>[/QUOTE]Sorry. Stoned. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[alex6261]

Originally posted by topjimmy71672:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Top Jimmy #1:
[img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] I had to do it......this had to get seen one last time...this had me doubled-over with laughter!!!!!...Now, I know it's grim, but I think even the VH brothers would laugh their asses off!!!!!!!! (watch that neck, Al) [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

It occurred to me after hearing about Dave's lawsuit with the Van Halen Syndicate that the Classic Van Halen lineup is now officially toast never to be seen or heard together again. Like the breakup of the Beatles there is nothing left to do but sit back and watch them get fat, bald, old and useless. Their unique talents and chemistry squandered down the drain. There will be no reunion tour although there will be the lame solo projects that pale in comparison to their past glories. At some point maybe they'll be on "Unplugged" with substitute members like some bands. How sick is that? And so as each Van Halen member gets one step closer to the grave, what will the last days of Van Halen be like? The health issues, the self destructive tendencies, the emotional instability issues, the divorces, the addictions and afflictions, the unforeseen twists of fate that happen to all of us. What does the devil have in store for these boys? Who the hell can say? Anybody care to make a couple of predictions? I'll go first...

Couldn't have said it better myself....but I would like to add that anybody who considers Sammy with Van Halen a reunion is an idiot!</font>[/QUOTE]Thanks! I'll gladly be an idiot compared to the other option. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]