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  1. #1
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Here it is: Dateline October 23, 2000. The fully finished VH CD has been leaked to several test-listeners, chosen from a pool of Kmart stock boys and 7-11 Slurpee machine repairmen. Here is the scoop..


    Although the CD was undertaken with David Lee Roth on Bavarian cheese whistle, it was decided that Ed's old idea of a different singer on every track should come to fruition. Here is a track listing along with the respective vocalist.

    1)Can't Eat This Stuff No More, sung by Monica Lewinsky

    2)Pump, sung by Arnold Schwartzenegger

    3)Atomic Skunk, sung by Tommy Hilfiger

    4)Deal Your Love Tonight, sung by Heidi Fleiss

    5)Everybody Wants Cum, sung by Jenna Jameson

    6)Sunday Afternoon in the Porta-Potty, sung by George Michaels

    7)The Ballot or the Skillet, sung by Gloria Steinem

    8)220 Pound Cake, sung by Rosie O'Donnell

    9)Amsterdamned, sung by Linda Blair

    10)You Really Bit Me, sung by Evander Holyfield

    11)Drop Dead Gramps, sung by Anna Nicole Smith

    12)Skanked, sung by Christina Aguilera

    13)Don't Tell Me (what plugs can do), sung by David Lee Roth

    The CD artwork is nothing short of genius. It shows a short, fat bald man eating gopher cakes 'til he explodes. On the inside, there is a Ron Popeil ad for his new product, the Garden Weasel Extractor, endorsed by Richard Gere. The back side, along with the track listing, features the baby from the 1984 cover all grown up--this time he's pictured with an iron lung instead of a cigarette, drinking an enormous glass of Sunny Delight laced with Alka-Seltzer and talcum powder.

    The new CD is called 'Tribute to Ray Danniels' and will be in stores TOMORROW!!!!!!

    You can trust me as a source, because I work at a miracle desk, across which at least two (2) big pieces of VH info come every single day. I am also writing a book, titled "VH Doesn't Sit When They Pee" and it will be available in your local bookstore for Christmas. The book is a series of pictures that the boys in the band have drawn in the snow while pissing in the middle of Hawaii in August. It will retail for $59.95, as it is full color and only available in hard cover.

    One more thing....for the tour, which will begin in Atlantis, ALL the lead vocals will be handled by the guy who did the voice of KITT in Knight Rider. Hasselhoff was unavailable due to prior commitment.



  2. #2
    On Fire
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    11.17.17 @ 08:12 AM
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    That gave me a good laugh, Abe!

    Good relief from some of this stuff

  3. #3
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Well, there's something for Timothy B. to put in his new book!

    Pretty damn funny, Abe!


  4. #4
    Romeo Delight
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Abe,

    That is good stuff man....

    It's good to laugh like that.......

    Thanks,

    kujo

    ------------------
    --Hey fool, wise up, better late than neva. Yeah you, you know that nothing lasts for eva...

  5. #5
    Eruption
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    07.14.10 @ 09:31 AM
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    Man, I thought that "Skanked" would be sung by Britany Spears.
    Ya' know, since she went from the "sweet, Disney girl", to a hooker and all.

  6. #6
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AbeVanHalen:
    One more thing....for the tour, which will begin in Atlantis, ALL the lead vocals will be handled by the guy who did the voice of KITT in Knight Rider. Hasselhoff was unavailable due to prior commitment. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    YES!!

    Kick ass, Abe. LOL.

    Thanks for the scoop.

    ------------------
    "Fuck you. I give you my ass." - Rick S' dog, as interpreted by track 5

    Official Bartender Of VHForums

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:31 PM
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    Donor

    Remember Hannibal from A-Team? I love it when a rumor comes together.

  8. #8
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MikeL:
    Remember Hannibal from A-Team? I love it when a rumor comes together. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I do remember Hannibal.

    (R.I.P. George Peppard. )

    I also remember B.A. Baracus, Face, and...

    Damn it. Who was the last guy?

    How embarrassing... LOL.

    ------------------
    "Fuck you. I give you my ass." - Rick S' dog, as interpreted by track 5

    Official Bartender Of VHForums

  9. #9
    Beloved Glenn's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Down In Flames:
    I do remember Hannibal.

    (R.I.P. George Peppard. )

    I also remember B.A. Baracus, Face, and...

    Damn it. Who was the last guy?

    How embarrassing... LOL.

    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I think it was Murdock, though I probably spelled it wrong.



    ------------------
    The Michael Jordan of Van Halen websites!!!
    www.vhlinks.com

  10. #10
    Beloved Glenn's Avatar
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    Donor

    BTW, I love it when a plan comes together.

    ------------------
    The Michael Jordan of Van Halen websites!!!
    www.vhlinks.com

  11. #11
    Banned!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    This is a useless post, how about closing it?

    TBS fans, can you believe the depths that people will go to in order to parody my hard work and dedication to bringing everyone the true facts on this whole mess??

    I am extremely offended by the continued barbs and veiled attacks sent my way.

    God I wish my site was up and running, but I am waiting for a Launch in order for the truly unique design and user oriented boards to be beta tested.

    Over and out..

  12. #12
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    It must be fun, playing to an audience of one, eh?

    ------------------
    "Fuck you. I give you my ass." - Rick S' dog, as interpreted by track 5

    Official Bartender Of VHForums

  13. #13
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 05:56 PM
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    Premium Member
    quote:
    Originally posted by Timothy B Schmidt:
    This is a useless post, how about closing it?


    We left your's opened didn't we?

    quote:

    TBS fans, can you believe the depths that people will go to in order to parody my hard work and dedication to bringing everyone the true facts on this whole mess??



    Get over yourself man. I've seen nothing but nonsense come from your posts so far. Put up or shut up. How about sharing the opening lines from your 'book', so we can have a look and see for ourselves when its's 'released'??? C'mon.. consider that a credibility challenge.

    Give people some credit for having commonsense, your 'insider news' is paper thin, and just rehashing various BS we've seen here in the last 12 months, with some individual twists.

    quote:

    I am extremely offended by the continued barbs and veiled attacks sent my way.



    Veiled? I thought the attacks were well deserved, and blatently obvious!

    quote:

    God I wish my site was up and running, but I am waiting for a Launch in order for the truly unique design and user oriented boards to be beta tested.



    Be sure to make full use of VHlinks link service.. But don't look to god, I hear he doesn't take kindly to liars..
    Seriousy man, your so full of it and its so very sadly obvious to most of us. Let us know when your wonderful site is launched.

    quote:
    Over and out..


    We can only wish. Somehow I doubt it.

    ------------------
    A little zen... Headed your way...

    [This message has been edited by Goo (edited October 24, 2000 at 03:05 AM).]

  14. #14
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Damn!! This entire post is fuckin great!! I haven't laughed this hard in ages!!

    Keep it up!

    -Jinky

  15. #15
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jinky:
    Keep it up!

    -Jinky <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Jinky, for some reason, I just know Tim B Shitting us will honor you request.

    ------------------
    "Fuck you. I give you my ass." - Rick S' dog, as interpreted by track 5

    Official Bartender Of VHForums

 

 

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