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  1. #1
    Little Dreamer
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    01.04.07 @ 10:38 AM
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    Esquire:"Yes, Mr Van Halen...Why did you need to see me in such a rush?"

    EVH: "Well it's come to my attention that people are ripping off my stripes!"

    Esquire: "????, stripes??? What do you mean?"

    EVH: "You know my stripes man, my shit."

    Esquire: "??????? what???"

    EVH: "They are selling my stripes, my guitars man, you know...My inventions."

    Esquire: "LOL, you are upset because some kids are stripping their guitars like yours?"

    EVH: "Are you laughing at me man? Huh? If you're laughing at me you better be wearing a cup man, I mean it!"

    EVH: "I'm telling you...Those guys are rippin my shit, especially that Rols guy...bastard made $500 bucks off my shit last year & pissed Mikey off, so you gotta go get em!"

    Esquire: "Mr. Van Halen, I think that immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, those kids are your fans, they want to..."

    EVH: "Shut up! Just shut up and do what I pay you for! While you're at it, get those damn VH websites shutdown, they upset Val...people always talkin bout I'm a whimp...I'll show them."

    Esquire: "Mr Van Halen, Sir...with all due respect, those websites are the only things keeping the Van Halen name alive...They are your fan base...Please don't attack them...Think about it, it would be suicide."

    EVH: "F*#k em! They are just losers hangin out talking bad about me."

    Esquire: "Actually sir, they are good people hoping to hear news of a reunion...Please be reasonable."

    EVH: "Now go serve the papers you damn lawyer you!"

    Phone rings...

    Voice on the phone: "Yo Ed, what up man?"

    EVH: "Who the f*@k is this?"

    VOTP: "It's me man, Lars."

    EVH: "Oh..hey bro, thanks again for tip on how to screw my fans..hehe, this is fun just like you said."

    Lars: "No problem dude, I just called to see if I could borrow some cash, I'm a little low, you know, that Napster thing really hurt me."

    EVH: "Cash, are you nuts?? Those bastards on Ebay selling space tape have ruined me, I am having to sell my Lamborgini to make up for all the dough they kept me from making..oh the horror! ARRRGGGG! VAL! Get my pills!!"

    Val: "Oh Ed please calm down, we will struggle through this somehow...I can always do another made for TV movie, that will offset the money we lost on all those 5150 copies. You know they asked me to do a reunion One Day at a Time episode."

    EVH:" GodD*#n it Val, I told you to never mention that word reunion around me pills, get my pills."

    to be continued.........

  2. #2
    Good Enough Rocket's Avatar
    Join Date
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning & 1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Girl Gone Bad
    Last Online

    05.21.18 @ 04:44 PM
    Liked 110 Times in 45 Posts

    That's some good writing!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Somewhere in NJ
    Favorite VH Album

    1 thru Balance
    Favorite VH Song

    Little Guitars
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    05.06.15 @ 11:27 PM
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    Lmao @ "get my pills!"

    Funny..... sounds like this might even be true! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
    The Pumpkinhead!

    "After three decades you still don't get the fact that VH the band was greater than the sum of all of its parts -- and those parts fit perfectly together, especially in the CVH lineup." - Delighted Romeo, Hit the nail right on the God Damn Head!!!

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
    Join Date
    3800 foot level in the Sierra
    Favorite VH Album

    all of them
    Favorite VH Song

    If its Eddie, its Van Halen
    Last Online

    05.22.18 @ 09:51 AM
    Liked 589 Times in 270 Posts

    Quite funny.

    I wonder if Ed will next sue all those 80's guitarists like Vito Bratta, CC Deville, and the other clones for "ripping off" HIS style?
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.



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