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  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing! Zahzoo's Avatar
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    11.04.17 @ 06:01 AM
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    Posted over at VH group on Yahoo...

    Here's a link...

    Alex Van Halen’s 1984 Tour Diary

    Alex Van Halen’s 1984 Tour Diary

    by Veta Redshaw

    January 24, 1984: Little Rock, AR

    I love my drums. It’s been driving me categorically bonkers that I haven’t been able to come up with a rockin’ way to show the fans exactly how much I adore my lil’ babies (drums). That all changed tonight in Little Rock during my second drum solo.

    I’m busy pounding mad-beats on my Luddies when all of a sudden Michael Anthony starts pouring Jack Daniels all over my right-most bass drum. Something hits me when the cannon fires—not a cannon ball, but an idea! I jump over my kit and begin licking the J.D. off of my drums. The more I lick, the more Michael Anthony pours, until it becomes apparent that I plan to give my entire drum kit a thorough tongue-bath.

    I’m positive that every rock ‘n roller in the Barton Coliseum tonight left with a firm understanding of just how much I worship my skins. That is, unless they assume I was showing my love for the J.D. I mean, I love J.D. too, but I hope there’s no confusion.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    January 29, 1984: Birmingham, AL

    We went out to dinner before the show and decided to ask our opening act Autograph to join us. What a great group of guys! David Lee came up with this crazy idea that our bands should get fake-married to each other as a way of symbolizing the new friendship. Both bands unanimously agreed that it was the best idea we’d ever heard in our entire lives. I fake-proposed to drummer Keni Richards, who whole-heartedly accepted.

    Things momentarily soured when Edward’s new partner Steven Lynch expressed his annoyance with Edward’s decision to eat his meal with his back to the table. All the madness was remedied after Edward explained that he was simply “guarding his chewing technique from the rest of us.” Duh!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    February 7, 1984: Dayton, OH

    I bought a new drum. The drum I bought rules and is heavy.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    February 14, 1984: Charlotte, NC

    Apparently the salesman at Casey’s Drums in downtown Charlotte thinks he’s some kinda drum wizard. Mr. Drum Flunky tried to tell me that it’s physically impossible to play a kit with a quintuple bass drum. I told him that I do it every night in arenas across the country. At which point, Mr. Non-Drummer tried to tell me that I’m not actually playing all five bass drums at once because I only have two feet and that the only way to play all five bass drums at once would be to assemble a special drum pedal with the capability of simultaneously pounding all the bass drums at once, which, according to him, would be “stupid and make no real difference in the overall sound.” He proceeded to explain to me that my quintuple bass drum setup sounds no different than a double bass drum setup. I was crazy-pissed, but I told him that I saw his point. I ordered a sixth bass drum and the fella turned out to be a good sport, as he threw in a pair of magic drumsticks at no extra charge!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    March 22, 1984: Buffalo, NY

    Sweetness! Somehow, someway my performance tonight broke the stage at Buffalo Memorial Auditorium! It was pure, unadulterated sweetness. And anybody who knows anything about Mr. Alexander Van Halen knows that sweetness is my weakness!

    Unfortunately, I was so weakened by the sweetness that I couldn’t attend the after show party, which according to David Lee, turned out to be the best after show party to date. Michael Anthony mistook his bottle of Jack Daniels—the kind you can drink—for his Jack Daniels signature bass—the kind you can play—and plugged it into an amplifier! Needless to say, Michael Anthony was electrocuted!

    Apparently, after two hours of Michael Anthony’s unconscious, shake-fest, Edward threatened to urinate on another Mad-Anthony signature: The Tobasco Bottle Shaped Bass. Needless to say, Michael Anthony leaped to his feet and fucking smacked Edward into next millennium before a drop of piss even thought about hitting the spicy bass!

    Which reminds me, I’m supposed to get some drums shaped like non-drum things or else I’m out of the band. Here’s my list so far:

    Flying Gurnards

    Guitars

    Hot Chick’s Bodies

    Alex Van Halens

    Tarter Sauce Bottles

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    April 17, 1984: Toronto, ON

    The Velcros are our new opening act and they blow. I will never fake-marry any of them! We took to calling them The Vel-blows until we finally had to admit to ourselves that it’s a pretty weak nickname. Fortunately, their nickname for us, Van Sucken, was equally pathetic.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    July 16, 1984: Dallas, TX

    Well, tonight was the last show of our biggest tour to date and I’m beat like a drum. We now get a month break before heading off to Europe for the Monsters of Rock Tour. My goal is to become Germany’s Chancellor of Rock!

    God has answered my prayers and given the lead singer of The Velcros bone cancer.
    Woke up this mornin, got Blue Moon in your eyes...
    http://www.myretrolounge.com

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing! Zahzoo's Avatar
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    11.04.17 @ 06:01 AM
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    Funniest one was the March 22 entry from Buffalo... I can just see Mikey plugging a bottle of Jack into his amp!!! Interesting same day as my birthday... not year you punks...
    Woke up this mornin, got Blue Moon in your eyes...
    http://www.myretrolounge.com

  3. #3
    Hang 'Em High MAX's Avatar
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    06.03.10 @ 11:18 AM
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    Donor

    Originally posted by Zahzoo:
    The Velcros are our new opening act and they blow.
    The Velcros opened for them when I saw this tour and they were God awful. It was my first concert that I had ever seen and I remember people throwing all sorts of shit at them when they were on stage. Ahhh.... the good old days.
    EAT US AND SMILE!!!!

    "Please don't take my teddy bear... Please!!!" - diamondsgirl's Oscar nominated dramatic scene for best actress of 2007

    "and by Van Halen, I mean David Lee Roth" - diamondsgirl on Van Halen

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Little Dreamer's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 01:39 PM
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    AVH would never use a word like "bonkers".
    Little Dreamer

  5. #5
    Top Of The World
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Too bad writer doesn't have a grasp of 80s vernacular and slang. If so, it might actually be funny. Without it it rings false, and all good humor must have a decent amount of truth in it to be funny.
    Musical equipment I own dat legitimizes mein post. Tuba, clarinet, und electric glockenspiel.<br />Der Lord liebt einen beschäftigten Mann. Nicht vertrauen whitey. Sehen ein Doktor und erhalten gereinigt es.<br /><br />"You're a towel!" - Towelie

  6. #6
    Hot For Teacher MrBrownSound's Avatar
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    12.03.15 @ 02:15 AM
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    I doubt this is actually legit, but was pretty cool to read, but why did he leave Memphis out? We were right after the Little Rock show on the 25th.

    [ November 25, 2002, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: MrBrownSound ]

  7. #7
    Baluchitherium
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    11.25.17 @ 04:30 AM
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    "I bought a new drum. The drum I bought rules and is heavy."

    "I ordered a sixth bass drum and the fella turned out to be a good sport, as he threw in a pair of magic drumsticks at no extra charge!"

    "Michael Anthony mistook his bottle of Jack Daniels—the kind you can drink—for his Jack Daniels signature bass—the kind you can play—and plugged it into an amplifier! Needless to say, Michael Anthony was electrocuted!"

    LOL! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    "Sweetness is my weakness"...
    Metal Marc

  8. #8
    Little Dreamer
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    03.21.06 @ 04:31 PM
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    I think it is fake. "crazy-pissed" is a newer term...not 1984. crazy-mad, crazy-dope...it is all from the shitty hip hop era....in other words.......NOW!

    yo yo yo

  9. #9
    Baluchitherium dirtymovies's Avatar
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    11.12.17 @ 09:04 PM
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    ridiculous...

  10. #10
    Eruption EAS's Avatar
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    12.09.17 @ 07:25 AM
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    "I'm busy pounding mad-beats"?.....I dont' think so....that's 2004 Tommy Lee talk, not 1984 talk.

  11. #11
    Sinner's Swing! Sunya's Avatar
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    02.10.10 @ 10:42 PM
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    ahhh folks it has the authors name in it. it says by Vera Redshaw.

    This has been around for a long time. Nothing new. It was posted at the Dome a long time ago if I remember correctly. Zahzoo is just showing you something funny is all. He's not trying to say this is real.
    "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain


    There's no one as smart as a gambler at the track putting thier last $10.00 on the longest shot of the day.

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing! Zahzoo's Avatar
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    11.04.17 @ 06:01 AM
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    Funny comments... that's 2004 Tommy Lee talk... LMAO. I posted this 4 years ago. It cracks me up everytime I see an old old thread pulled up and people don't check the dates and respond like it was fresh!!

    No it's not real... just sorta funny.

    Thanks for covering my back Sunya!
    Woke up this mornin, got Blue Moon in your eyes...
    http://www.myretrolounge.com

  13. #13
    Good Enough vhrocker's Avatar
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    01.21.15 @ 08:57 AM
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    Fuckin funny as hell. No wonder Alex is GOD. The Velcros sucked big donkey balls in Oklahoma City when I say them. Damn after reading this I'm gonna go pound some mad-beats on my Pearl's.

  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing! Sunya's Avatar
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    02.10.10 @ 10:42 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zahzoo
    Funny comments... that's 2004 Tommy Lee talk... LMAO. I posted this 4 years ago. It cracks me up everytime I see an old old thread pulled up and people don't check the dates and respond like it was fresh!!

    No it's not real... just sorta funny.

    Thanks for covering my back Sunya!
    No probem my dear.

    Funny how people flew right by the line that said..........

    by Vera Redshaw


    Just goes to shows ya, how people only read what they want to read and not what always is written. I saw that over and over with that Mike interview. The remarks that were made afterwards. People missed the point on some of the things he said. Oh well. Throw the baby out with the bathwater, can't see through all that dirtywater anyway.
    "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain


    There's no one as smart as a gambler at the track putting thier last $10.00 on the longest shot of the day.

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Wow you've got a great memory.

    All I remember from the Dome is the very vivid colors.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



 

 

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