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  1. #1
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    DISCLAIMER: The following is a parody. Any reference to actual persons, places or things is strictly for entertainment purposes and does not puport to reflect actual events, statements or actions

    [The following is an excerpt from a forthcoming episode of Behind The Music featuring Van Halen. In the segment, Ed and Al are inteviewed together while Dave, Sam, Mike, Gary and the others are interviewed individually]

    [Narrator] ...By the end of the Balance tour, tensions were high in the Van Halen camp. Edward Van Halen had taken to playing exclusively Roth-era Van Halen numbers at soundcheck to the irritation and annoyance of Sammy Hagar. In response, Sammy began threatening that he would refuse to sing any old numbers on stage if the soundchecks didn't include newer material.

    Edward explains:
    [Ed] All of a sudden, it was like what the [bleep], ya know. Sam starts saying [bleep] like, "Ed, I'm not gonna [bleeping] sing "Jump" or "Panama", Mike will have to sing them or you and Al will just have to do them as instrumentals." Mikey??? Instrumentals??? What the [bleep] Sam? You're the [bleeping] singer, you're gonna sing the [bleeping] songs. I mean Jesus Christ, how [bleeping] hard can it [bleeping] be. That's all we ever asked of any of our singers, just sing the [bleeping] songs. [bleep].

    [Al] It's like Ed said. We let him sing his [bleep] solo songs, sing ours.

    [Sammy] Ed and Al are making that up. I don't know where that was coming from. I never threatened to stop singing anything. I'm a rocker. I don't care what it is, old Van Halen, new Van Halen. We've done a bunch of cover songs over the years too, man, why would I care what songs we do? I just told those guys that if we're gonna do our songs in concert, we should check them out at the soundcheck, that's all.

    [Narrator] Although the bad blood continued throughout the tour, Sammy never made good on his threat to quit singing old Van Halen songs and the band finished the tour on speaking terms. The words exchanged during the tour, however, were not easily forgotten and tempers continued to flare every time Van Halen re-convened.

    Things came to a head during the recording sessions for what would become the band's last effort with Sammy Hagar. The band had been asked to contribute a song to the soundtrack for the movie, TWISTER and Edward called a recording session at 5150 to work on the material. E

    Edward claims that he told Sammy Hagar to prepare lyrics for an old piece that had been kicking around the studio since the F.U.C.K. sesssions called "Back-Door Shuffle". Sammy denies that he was told anything and showed up for the sessions with other ideas:

    [Sammy] Ed called and told me that we were going to do this "Twister" song. He never told me [bleep] about having a song in mind and said it would be a wide-open jam session. I put my guitar in the trunk and was cruising over to his house when an old song by Twisted Sister came on the radio, it was "We're Not Gonna Take It." I was completely floored. I pulled over, and I thought, damn, maybe this is what is needed to jumpstart this band, man. So I pulled off the road and worked out the progression right there in my car. I couldn't wait bring the idea to Ed and Al. I was like, [bleep] man, we can really jam on this tune.

    Of course, I think because I came up with the idea, Ed and Al basically killed it in committee. Mike was digging it too, but Ed and Al are so insanely insecure, they wouldn't even consider it.

    [Mike] I was never "into" it. I told Sammy that doing a cover tune was a good idea, but I thought Twisted Sister was a bit of a reach.

    [Ed] I was [bleeping] speechless, speechless. I said, "Sam, have you [bleeping] lost your [bleeping] mind. Twisted Sister??!?? Twisted [bleeping] Sister??!!?? I mean, he was [bleeping] serious about this goddamn idiotic idea. We told him...[bleep] [bleep], Al and I, that we are absolutely, 100% not going to do the song, and then, as if I didn't say anything, he asks me if I have a problem with the lyrics. I said, "Sam, [bleep], we are not going to do the song, okay, it's not going to happen. I don't care how many 'Ju-Ju's' you throw in, we're not doing the [bleeping] song and that's [bleeping] final"

    At that point, I was thinking that this is nuts, this is like Roth, I didn't understand a [bleeping] word Sam was [bleeping] saying anymore.

    What Sam didn't understand, what Roth doesn't under[bleeping]stand is that Van Halen is's me...and it's Mike. It's always [bleeping] been that way, it always [bleeping] will be that way. Me, Al and [bleeping] Mikey, that's [bleeping] Van Halen.

    [Al] Like Ed said, Sam was [bleeping] going nuts.

    [Sammy] I don't understand it. To this day I don't understand it. I'm a good-natured guy. I got an ego, everybody in this business has an ego, that's not the issue. It doesn't matter to me what the song is, if it's good, I can take it. I got the feeling that Ed thought it was beneath him to do a Twisted Sister song. But that song rocks! We could have done another song, I didn't care, all I wanted was to do was shake things up a little. Ed and Al had gotten so stale in their thinking, it was like "let's just turn out the same ol [bleep]", our fans will buy it.

    After weeks of bickering, Edward and Sammy were able to reconcile long enough to deliver the song for the Twister soundtrack, but even before they finished the session, Edward started to think about replacing Sammy Hagar.

    [Ed] [Bleeping] Sammy started acting like [bleeping] Roth. It was deja vu. I don't know why it is so [bleeping] hard, just sing the [bleeping] songs. That's all we ask. I really just don't understand the problem. Look at, me and Al write the music, we produce the [bleeping] thing and all we ask of anyone, Roth or Sam, is come up with some lyrics and sing the [bleeping] song.

    So, I realized after this thing with Sam, I needed to find somebody who could just come in, sing the [bleeping] songs, and let Al and me take care of everything else. That's when I started looking around for a replacement.

    [Al] It's like Edward said, ya know. But I thought it was time for Sam to go. I mean if I had to play "Give to Live" one more time in concert, I was gonna shoot myself. He even wanted to play "Three Lock Box" on that last tour. [Bleeping] Jesus Christ, this is Van Halen, not some [bleeped] up bunch of posers in red jumpsuits.

    So, for the 3rd time in their nearly 20 year history, Van Halen was about to embark on finding a new lead singer. Edward was hoping to find a new direction for a band that had weathered the musical changes and still come out on top. In this vein, he contacted Patty Smyth, whom he had auditioned back in 1985 after David Lee Roth had left the band, but she declined.

    He also considered asking metal phenom Marilyn Manson, but ultimately concluded that such a drastic change in style might alienate core fans.

    At the coaxing of his new manager and brother-in-law, Ray Danniels, Edward finally came to the realization that he needed to find a singer who could mimic both of Van Halen's popular styles and connect with a younger generation of fans. That person was Gary Cherone and Van Halen would never be the same...

    [ be continued]
    DIAMOND MAFIA FOREVER!<br /><br />"...How many times can somebody lie 'till patience runs its course..."<br /><br />DAVE AND SAMMY '02...DARE I SAY, "THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, PT. II"

  2. #2
    On Fire AlexFan's Avatar
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    09.07.08 @ 01:03 PM
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    You captured Ed to a T!! LOL!!
    Van Halen without the original 4 is just not Van Halen.

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Everthing off of the first 6 albums!
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    01.10.09 @ 12:07 PM
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    Pretty fun man!!! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]



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