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  1. #1
    Eruption Ilovevh's Avatar
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    Default Every song on Van Halen I ranked from worst to best

    http://teamrock.com/feature/2016-10-...-worst-to-best

    Van Halen's debut ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman in all rock'níroll... and we've rearranged it so it gets better the longer you listen
    Get everything Van Halen related here
    Letís lay our cards out on the table right now. Van Halenís 1978 self-titled debut album is one of the greatest opening salvos in all of rock history, maybe even since the invention of electricity itself. It ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman rock'n'roll had ever seen. Released in February 1978, it scoffed at punk, left disco in the dust, and gave birth to a whole new era of hardcore rock'n'roll excess.

    In eleven eventful tracks, Eddie Van Halen and his gang of acrobatic neon savages redefined the parameters of rock and it made bigger, louder, and more exciting than ever before. Some would say the follow-up, Van Halen II, is the bandís masterstroke. Well, fuck those people. Thereís idiots everywhere, man. Some people even prefer Van Hagar. But we are here to worship at Van Halenís holiest of temples. Hereís the whole thing, least-best to most-mindblowing.

    Ice Cream Man
    I mean, Jesus Christ with this song. A cover of John Brinnís raunchy 50ís era blues-jammer, this lightweight piffle exists mostly so that Diamond Dave can show off his propensity for gibberish. 80ís era hard rock bands were not known for their deep roots, so this at least showed the band knew what was up. But itís eminently skippable, and really the only potential clunker in the bunch.

    Feel Your Love Tonight
    Van Halenís early albums still sound so raw, alive and vital that itís easy to forget that they were released during the era of FM rock giants/dinosaurs like Boston, Fleetwood Mac and The Who. Glam metal didnít even exist yet and commercial accessibility was all the rage, which is clearly evident on this one, an otherwise full-on rager that goes limp on a radio-baiting chorus so saccharine it sounds like something Angel mightíve concocted.

    Iím The One
    Track placement was everything in the era of the rock album, and thereís a reason this one is buried at the tail-end of what is otherwise one of the greatest A-sides of the 70ís. Iím the One just sounds underwritten, like the only part they had when they hit the studio was the Ď77 punk thing they do on the bridge, so Eddie just filled the rest of the song with five zillion notes. Iím not even complaining really, theyíre great notes, but they couldíve let this one bake in the oven a little longer.

    On Fire
    Again, the tracklist spoke volumes in the 70ís. On Fire is the last song on the record and itís probably the least catchy, overpowered by Michael Anthonyís incessant boinging bass and a non-chorus thatís just Dave shrieking the title. But on the plus side, I think this song invented Manowar.

    Little Dreamer
    Itís a good song. It just slower and breezier than the rest. This album is about sex and hammers and cops busting teenage house parties and heartless creeps making girls cry, and this sounds like something youíd hear at a picnic.

    Eruption
    Pretty ballsy to drop in a two-minute guitar solo as the second track on your major-label debut album, but Eddie Van Halen wanted you to KNOW, man. And once you heard this testicle-dropping flurry of fleet-fingered notes, you fucking well knew, Jack. This track launched a million guitar players. None of them can play like this. That being said, weíre not all guitar players, man. Letís get on with it already.

    Atomic Punk
    This is the albumís underrated hidden gem, a one-off slice of Dystopian sci-fi that finds olí Dave slipping out of his usual schticky hornball routine and stalking the post-apocalyptic alleys of a dead city while his band carves out a surprisingly dark swathe of simmering tech-metal. Bonus: Itís not punk. More bonus: ďNobody rules these streets at night but meĒ might be the most macho, chest-thumping lyric in all of 70ís hard rock-dom.



    Jamieís Crying
    Statistically speaking, the first song on the second side of the album is generally the most popular. Iím not sure how that even works, but itís true. And on a lesser album, that would certainly be the case here. Jamieís Crying is one of the bandís all-time best, a swaggering, mean-spirited pop-metal gem full of irresistible hooks and a soaring chorus. Itís not the best song on the album, but itís better than the best song on almost every other album they ever did. Bonus: Roth reportedly banged down half a bottle of whiskey before singing this one, to get a nice husky sound. It worked.

    Runniní With the Devil
    Everything you know (or think you know) about Van Halen is encapsulated in this song. If a space alien dropped into your backyard and you asked him about Van Halen, heíd probably do David Lee Rothís yow-wow intro howl. As iconic as it gets, Runniní covers all the arena-rock bases, from Eddieís spectacular shredding to the myth-making lyrics about life on the endless highway. Itís only their first album, but on this song, they already sounded like gods.


    Ainít Talkiní ĎBout Love
    This is the one that ushered in the next decade of rock. Everything that came after, the endless torrent of 80ís flash metal, the glam and glitter and ant-snorting and overdosing and assless leather chaps and misspelled words and guitar solos that sound like exploding bombs and throngs of long-haired punks puking beer in parking lots, it all sprang from this effortlessly charismatic ode to David Lee Rothís penis. No one can touch this song for sheer ferocity, not even prime-time GNíR. It is the sound of the greatest rock'n'roll band in the world operating at full capacity. A complete stunner then, now, and forever. Amen.
    My karma just ran over your dogma

    Love 'em all I says
    Let Cupid sort 'em out



    https://www.facebook.com/debra.browne.3114

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  2. #2
    Atomic Punk RRvh1's Avatar
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    One of the best rock albums of all time, IMO.
    It's choke full of amazing material!

    No duds at all, again IMO.
    "There's too many people on this basketball that's floating around the sun, who are too afraid to allow themselves to FEEL" - Edward Van Halen
    "Van Halen was never about the singer..." - a very wise fan.
    "Embrace the past. Live in the moment but keep your eyes on the future, and keep on moving forward..." - Richie Sambora

  3. #3
    Hang 'Em High Get The Show On The Road's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilovevh View Post
    http://teamrock.com/feature/2016-10-...-worst-to-best

    Van Halen's debut ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman in all rock'n’roll... and we've rearranged it so it gets better the longer you listen
    Get everything Van Halen related here
    Let’s lay our cards out on the table right now. Van Halen’s 1978 self-titled debut album is one of the greatest opening salvos in all of rock history, maybe even since the invention of electricity itself. It ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman rock'n'roll had ever seen. Released in February 1978, it scoffed at punk, left disco in the dust, and gave birth to a whole new era of hardcore rock'n'roll excess.

    In eleven eventful tracks, Eddie Van Halen and his gang of acrobatic neon savages redefined the parameters of rock and it made bigger, louder, and more exciting than ever before. Some would say the follow-up, Van Halen II, is the band’s masterstroke. Well, fuck those people. There’s idiots everywhere, man. Some people even prefer Van Hagar. But we are here to worship at Van Halen’s holiest of temples. Here’s the whole thing, least-best to most-mindblowing.

    Ice Cream Man
    I mean, Jesus Christ with this song. A cover of John Brinn’s raunchy 50’s era blues-jammer, this lightweight piffle exists mostly so that Diamond Dave can show off his propensity for gibberish. 80’s era hard rock bands were not known for their deep roots, so this at least showed the band knew what was up. But it’s eminently skippable, and really the only potential clunker in the bunch.

    Feel Your Love Tonight
    Van Halen’s early albums still sound so raw, alive and vital that it’s easy to forget that they were released during the era of FM rock giants/dinosaurs like Boston, Fleetwood Mac and The Who. Glam metal didn’t even exist yet and commercial accessibility was all the rage, which is clearly evident on this one, an otherwise full-on rager that goes limp on a radio-baiting chorus so saccharine it sounds like something Angel might’ve concocted.

    I’m The One
    Track placement was everything in the era of the rock album, and there’s a reason this one is buried at the tail-end of what is otherwise one of the greatest A-sides of the 70’s. I’m the One just sounds underwritten, like the only part they had when they hit the studio was the ‘77 punk thing they do on the bridge, so Eddie just filled the rest of the song with five zillion notes. I’m not even complaining really, they’re great notes, but they could’ve let this one bake in the oven a little longer.

    On Fire
    Again, the tracklist spoke volumes in the 70’s. On Fire is the last song on the record and it’s probably the least catchy, overpowered by Michael Anthony’s incessant boinging bass and a non-chorus that’s just Dave shrieking the title. But on the plus side, I think this song invented Manowar.

    Little Dreamer
    It’s a good song. It just slower and breezier than the rest. This album is about sex and hammers and cops busting teenage house parties and heartless creeps making girls cry, and this sounds like something you’d hear at a picnic.

    Eruption
    Pretty ballsy to drop in a two-minute guitar solo as the second track on your major-label debut album, but Eddie Van Halen wanted you to KNOW, man. And once you heard this testicle-dropping flurry of fleet-fingered notes, you fucking well knew, Jack. This track launched a million guitar players. None of them can play like this. That being said, we’re not all guitar players, man. Let’s get on with it already.

    Atomic Punk
    This is the album’s underrated hidden gem, a one-off slice of Dystopian sci-fi that finds ol’ Dave slipping out of his usual schticky hornball routine and stalking the post-apocalyptic alleys of a dead city while his band carves out a surprisingly dark swathe of simmering tech-metal. Bonus: It’s not punk. More bonus: “Nobody rules these streets at night but me” might be the most macho, chest-thumping lyric in all of 70’s hard rock-dom.



    Jamie’s Crying
    Statistically speaking, the first song on the second side of the album is generally the most popular. I’m not sure how that even works, but it’s true. And on a lesser album, that would certainly be the case here. Jamie’s Crying is one of the band’s all-time best, a swaggering, mean-spirited pop-metal gem full of irresistible hooks and a soaring chorus. It’s not the best song on the album, but it’s better than the best song on almost every other album they ever did. Bonus: Roth reportedly banged down half a bottle of whiskey before singing this one, to get a nice husky sound. It worked.

    Runnin’ With the Devil
    Everything you know (or think you know) about Van Halen is encapsulated in this song. If a space alien dropped into your backyard and you asked him about Van Halen, he’d probably do David Lee Roth’s yow-wow intro howl. As iconic as it gets, Runnin’ covers all the arena-rock bases, from Eddie’s spectacular shredding to the myth-making lyrics about life on the endless highway. It’s only their first album, but on this song, they already sounded like gods.


    Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love
    This is the one that ushered in the next decade of rock. Everything that came after, the endless torrent of 80’s flash metal, the glam and glitter and ant-snorting and overdosing and assless leather chaps and misspelled words and guitar solos that sound like exploding bombs and throngs of long-haired punks puking beer in parking lots, it all sprang from this effortlessly charismatic ode to David Lee Roth’s penis. No one can touch this song for sheer ferocity, not even prime-time GN’R. It is the sound of the greatest rock'n'roll band in the world operating at full capacity. A complete stunner then, now, and forever. Amen.
    That was garbage...
    I don't always listen to hard rock, but when I do, I prefer Van Halen. Stay Frosty my friends.

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  5. #4
    Forum Frontman fudd's Avatar
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    That is the dumbest review I've ever read.

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  7. #5
    Eruption hubs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilovevh View Post
    http://teamrock.com/feature/2016-10-...-worst-to-best
    Van Halen's debut ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman in all rock'n’roll... and we've rearranged it so it gets better the longer you listen

    I’m The One
    Track placement was everything in the era of the rock album, and there’s a reason this one is buried at the tail-end of what is otherwise one of the greatest A-sides of the 70’s. I’m the One just sounds underwritten, like the only part they had when they hit the studio was the ‘77 punk thing they do on the bridge, so Eddie just filled the rest of the song with five zillion notes. I’m not even complaining really, they’re great notes, but they could’ve let this one bake in the oven a little longer.

    ...I'm sorry, but I simply cannot give any weight to a list by a blogger who's opinion of "I'm the One" is this.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ilovevh View Post
    Ice Cream Man
    I mean, Jesus Christ with this song. A cover of John Brinn’s raunchy 50’s era blues-jammer, this lightweight piffle exists mostly so that Diamond Dave can show off his propensity for gibberish. 80’s era hard rock bands were not known for their deep roots, so this at least showed the band knew what was up. But it’s eminently skippable, and really the only potential clunker in the bunch.

    Your honor, the defense rests.

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  9. #6
    Good Enough Kevin Dodds's Avatar
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    More like most perfect to least perfect where least perfect is still a 99.999999 out of 100.

    Van Halen isn't just a perfect album, it's essentially a timeless and flawless piece of art. It's like getting into a discussion about why The Beatles are good.

    KBD3

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  11. #7
    Sinner's Swing! Harpospoke's Avatar
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    Great use of language. Loved the "Letís lay our cards out on the table right now. Van Halenís 1978 self-titled debut album is one of the greatest opening salvos in all of rock history, maybe even since the invention of electricity itself. It ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman rock'n'roll had ever seen. Released in February 1978, it scoffed at punk, left disco in the dust, and gave birth to a whole new era of hardcore rock'n'roll excess.

    In eleven eventful tracks, Eddie Van Halen and his gang of acrobatic neon savages redefined the parameters of rock and it made bigger, louder, and more exciting than ever before."
    opening to the article.

    But then he had to go and insult VH II and he lost me. Not fathoming Ice Cream Man as "eminently skippable" or I'm the One needing more work. I guess that's the beauty of art though. I hear perfection in those songs and he goes "meh".

  12. #8
    Baluchitherium JUNGLE DRUMMER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Get The Show On The Road View Post
    That was garbage...
    Yeah, they spent more time on the first six tracks ragging them than actually praising them. A weird pointless read.

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  14. #9
    Hang 'Em High Get The Show On The Road's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JUNGLE DRUMMER View Post
    Yeah, they spent more time on the first six tracks ragging them than actually praising them. A weird pointless read.
    Yeah he starts off talking about how great the album is and then shits all over half the songs.

    I don't always listen to hard rock, but when I do, I prefer Van Halen. Stay Frosty my friends.

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  16. #10
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  18. #11
    THBBFT! Number 47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harpospoke View Post
    Great use of language. Loved the "Let’s lay our cards out on the table right now. Van Halen’s 1978 self-titled debut album is one of the greatest opening salvos in all of rock history, maybe even since the invention of electricity itself. It ushered in the age of the shredder and introduced us to the most razzle-dazzle frontman rock'n'roll had ever seen. Released in February 1978, it scoffed at punk, left disco in the dust, and gave birth to a whole new era of hardcore rock'n'roll excess.

    In eleven eventful tracks, Eddie Van Halen and his gang of acrobatic neon savages redefined the parameters of rock and it made bigger, louder, and more exciting than ever before."
    opening to the article.

    But then he had to go and insult VH II and he lost me. Not fathoming Ice Cream Man as "eminently skippable" or I'm the One needing more work. I guess that's the beauty of art though. I hear perfection in those songs and he goes "meh".
    reads like one of my movie reviews.

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  20. #12
    Atomic Punk I Coulda Hada VH's Avatar
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    What happened to You Really Got Me?
    "The past ain't what it used to be"

    "Music is like candy. You throw out the rappers"

    "Be careful what you wish for because you just might lose what you already have"

    "Women and Children First ... The REAL Van Halen III"

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  22. #13
    Atomic Punk RRvh1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 47 View Post
    Random tidbit...
    One of the bands I used to regularly gig with (we were the house band at a local iconic bar/dive) had a bass player we called 'Metal Tim'. He had a longtime gf, and they were about as mismatched as could be!

    Everything from the looks, the background, the likes & dislikes, the age, to their musical tastes... Any-hooo, after we'd host open jam nights, Tim & Loraine would hop up to the mic and belt out the All in the Family theme song - Those Were the Days.

    The kicker is that they switched roles! Tim did Edith's shrieking high parts, and Loraine did the Archie lines. All through a fully cranked P.A. system, and they actually sounded good... It was f**king hilarious!!!
    "There's too many people on this basketball that's floating around the sun, who are too afraid to allow themselves to FEEL" - Edward Van Halen
    "Van Halen was never about the singer..." - a very wise fan.
    "Embrace the past. Live in the moment but keep your eyes on the future, and keep on moving forward..." - Richie Sambora

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  24. #14
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    One of the greatest albums ever made...period. And the guy who reviewed the songs is a dick.
    VH Shows

    5/12/79-NYC VH2
    7/26/80-Uniondale,NY Women & Children
    7/17/81-MSG,NYC Fair Warning
    10/9/82-Syracuse,NY Diver Down
    10/13/82-Uniondale,NY Diver Down
    3/30/84-MSG,NYC 1984
    4/14/84-Uniondale,NY 1984
    7/29/86-East Rutherford,NJ 5150
    8/2/86-Uniondale,NY 5150
    6/26/88-East Rutherford,NJ Monsters of Rock
    10/11/88-MSG,NYC OU812
    10/27/91-Uniondale,NY F.U.C.K.
    7/11,14/93-Jones Beach,NY RHRN
    4/26/95-Uniondale,NY Balance
    8/22/95-Jones Beach,NY Balance
    5/22/98-MSG,NYC III
    8/15/98-Jones Beach,NY III
    8/31/98-Syracuse,NY III
    6/22/04-East Rutherford,NJ Sam Reunion
    11/9/04-Montreal,Canada Sam Reunion
    10/1/07-Philadelphia,PA Dave Reunion
    11/8/07-Uniondale,NY Dave Reunion
    11/13/07-MSG,NYC Dave Reunion
    5/20/08-Uncasville,CT Dave Reunion
    5/23/08-MSG,NYC Dave Reunion
    2/28,3/1/12-MSG,NYC ADKOT
    3/24/12-Atlantic City,NJ ADKOT

    3/07 Hopped on a plane and flew to Cleveland to be there when they were inducted into the RRHOF!!!

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  26. #15
    Atomic Punk I Coulda Hada VH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by salg View Post
    The greatest album ever made...period. And the guy who reviewed the songs is a dick.
    I fixed that for you.
    "The past ain't what it used to be"

    "Music is like candy. You throw out the rappers"

    "Be careful what you wish for because you just might lose what you already have"

    "Women and Children First ... The REAL Van Halen III"

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