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  1. #1
    Unchained
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    Default Eddie forced from Van Halen


    https://nomoredavegrohl.wordpress.co...rom-van-halen/

    Monday, June 22, 2015

    Burbank, CA –

    This has been one crazy week in the Van Halen camp. First guitar god Eddie Van Halen, gives a scathing interview to Billboard Magazine, about the lack of talent and work ethic of the past and current members of Van Halen.

    “Sand in his vagina”

    The backlash was swift and fiery as fans of the band came to the defense of long time bassist Michael Anthony.

    Anthony, known for his bong rattling bass and easy going demeanor, remained silent. But former Van Halen front man and singer, Sammy Hagar came back swinging with allegations that Eddie was a liar.

    In an effort to minimize the damage to the Van Halen brand, Warner Brothers Records President Al McHumphry, released the following statement.

    In light of recent events concerning the Billboard Magazine interview. We have asked the powers that be in the Van Halen Band that they release Edward Van Halen from any further obligations, now and in the future when it comes to the Van Halen Franchise.

    While we will miss Edward and his contribution to the success of Van Halen. We find his attitude “piss poor” and we have verifiable evidence of “sand in his vagina.” This has made him a liability to the band.

    The Van Halen will be replacing Edward with adequate blues guitarist George Thorogood. And bassist Wolfgang Van Halen will be replaced with original bassist Michael Anthony. Alex Van Halen will remain with the group, as will current singer David Lee Roth.

    We hope you will understand that douche-baggery will not be tolerated. We took it for granted that Roth was lying when he was fired. When Hagar left due to similar circumstances, we assumed it was a clash of egos. Michael Anthony is relatively harmless. We have narrowed it down to Edward who is the prick. So we have let him go.

    Sincerely
    Al McHumphry
    Cock of the walk at Warner Brothers Records.

    In a statement to CNN, Roth commented on the situation. “I was telling Alex….Alex man! Do you like that song Bad to the Bone? Yeah… I do too. So I made a few calls and finally reached George on his break. I said…. GT you can quit the job at the Joan’s Wholesale Mattress Factory Outlet and come gig with the Van Halen! He’s showin’ Mikey how to play Bad to the Bone right now.

    Come on down to Joan’s Wholesale Mattress Factory Outlet. Name one other song by George Throrogood and get 15% off

    Dave Grohl is upset for not being considered for the open guitarist spot.

    Roth’s reply was “Dave Grohl, The Foos were yesterday’s news! People will pay to hear THIS Van Halen play…With George Thorogood.

    When asked what the new set lists will contain, Roth replied “So far just Bad to the Bone. But Van Halen is like a party favor. Everyone loves a party favor!!!! BBBB BAD!

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk japeape's Avatar
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    Default

    Finally, a response:

    To all the butthurt linkers & facebookers, get a life!
    This is my truth, i was there, you weren't.
    Perception is a funny thing to blind finger waggers.
    See you on tour...

    @therealeddievanhaskell

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk japeape's Avatar
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    Default

    To which Val responded:

    Top Jimmy & Dirty movies, guys!
    Don't bite the hand that strokes the strings.
    Fuck is wrong with y'all?

    @Bonniefranklinsdaughterontv

  4. #4
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    Default

    Holy fuck people... try reading some threads before starting one.


  5. The Following 3 Members Like This Post:


  6. #5
    Atomic Punk japeape's Avatar
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    Default

    Doesn't matter.

    About ten of these threads should have been merged into one: Fuck EVH, the big jerk!

  7. #6
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    Default

    Well! Lets see if we can get this one over 5 pages before midnight.

    I'm excited that Mike is back, but George Thorogood doesn't have that soul in his voice for VH BV's... plus he plays like a Gibson or something I think. All wrong for the six pack.

  8. #7
    Top Of The World halensfi's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by japeape View Post
    Doesn't matter.

    About ten of these threads should have been merged into one: Fuck EVH, the big jerk!
    This is exactly what this is all about. Major disappointment in a guy we all idolized though the years. Sometimes the reality is not what we would like it to be. Ed's a conceited ass.

  9. #8
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Number 47 View Post
    Well! Lets see if we can get this one over 5 pages before midnight.

    I'm excited that Mike is back, but George Thorogood doesn't have that soul in his voice for VH BV's... plus he plays like a Gibson or something I think. All wrong for the six pack.
    This week has been so disconcerting......Think I'm gonna go home, and have One bourbon.....One Scotch....One Beeeeeee-eeeerrrrr.

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  11. #9
    Top Of The World
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    Default

    Why are dumb fake threads being posted on this site, and why are dumb posters allowed to post this crap. Note OP, go kill yourself and stop littering this board.

  12. #10
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by japeape View Post
    To which Val responded:

    Top Jimmy & Dirty movies, guys!
    Don't bite the hand that strokes the strings.
    Fuck is wrong with y'all?

    @Bonniefranklinsdaughterontv
    Valerie Bertn'ernie is good people.
    Last edited by we die young; 06.23.15 at 03:36 PM.

  13. #11
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joeharley666 View Post
    Why are dumb fake threads being posted on this site, and why are dumb posters allowed to post this crap. Note OP, go kill yourself and stop littering this board.
    Hahahaha!

  14. #12
    Unchained
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joeharley666 View Post
    Why are dumb fake threads being posted on this site, and why are dumb posters allowed to post this crap. Note OP, go kill yourself and stop littering this board.
    Ok, I'll work on that right now. Why do some posters have no sense of humor!

  15. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by ledvedder View Post
    Ok, I'll work on that right now. Why do some posters have no sense of humor!
    It's cool. You must have just missed the first six times this has been posted in seven other threads.

  16. #14
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ledvedder View Post
    Ok, I'll work on that right now. Why do some posters have no sense of humor!
    We could all use a little levity.


  17. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joeharley666 View Post
    Why are dumb fake threads being posted on this site, and why are dumb posters allowed to post this crap. Note OP, go kill yourself and stop littering this board.

    Fuddman had a son???

 

 

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