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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk bsbll4's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 09:24 AM
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    Cooking Disasters

    We've all done it. We've tried to make a nice meal and completely ruined it by epic proportions. With Thanksgiving coming up, I'm sure we'll have a few fried turkey stories if nothing else. What's yours?

    A couple stories I have:

    - A few years ago for Valentine's Day, I promised my wife I would make her Chicken Cordon Bleu. Feeling overzealous, I decided to make chocolate covered strawberries as well. Being a guy that doesn't cook, I bought some nice fresh strawberries and some Hershey Kisses (hey, they melt in your mouth and get hard when cold...it seemed reasonable enough). As I tried to melt the Hershey Kisses in the pot, at first things were going okay. I was getting a nice chocolate tar...which quickly started burning in the pan and smelling just like real tar. Soon the house was filled with smoke and I had to open doors and windows to get the smoke out before my wife got home. Apparently there are special chocolate pieces that are meant for that....lesson learned.

    - To show that my wife has no room to talk, the other night she downloaded a recipe for penne vodka pasta. I was about to use some Cool Whip for something else when she told me that the recipe called for it and I couldn't use it. I thought "eh...okay." So she makes this pasta and it looks delicious. Then I take a bite. It is horrible. It tastes like candied pasta coupled with stale milk. Jesus was it bad. My wife, apparently oblivous to how bad it tasted, kept eating. That means I kept eating as well. After struggling through the meal so as to not hurt her feelings, I subtly checked the recipe while we were cleaning up. There in the ingredient list was:

    1 C whipping cream


    - And to show that my mom can't give either of us crap, when my married my dad, the first meal she made was broiled round steak. Round Steak. Broiled. My mom admitted it was like shoe leather. But my dad, trying to be the supportive husband, ground through that piece of leather with a smile on his face telling her how glad he was to have married such a good cook. About 20 years later, my mom mentioned this story to her sister, and my aunt could hardly contain herself---she had made the same first meal for my uncle with the same results.
    CNN may think my opinion matters, but you shouldn't.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk
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    12.04.17 @ 04:15 PM
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    Default

    I've just been informed that the enchiladas I made the other week (which I thought were bloody good), were actually "rock hard" and "difficult to chew".

    I'm now sulking. Someone else can make the sodding enchiladas from now on.
    I'm FEMALE...Deal with it!

    "Whatever you do, wherever you go, there you are..." Edward Van Halen 1986

    "You spend the first part of your life trying to make your mark, and the second part just trying to cover up your tracks"... Weesfreewheelin, 2012

    "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom"... Shirley Conran, 1975

    "You turn if you want to...The LADY is NOT for turning!"...Margaret
    Thatcher, 1980


  3. #3
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dibblekins View Post
    I've just been informed that the enchiladas I made the other week (which I thought were bloody good), were actually "rock hard" and "difficult to chew".

    I'm now sulking. Someone else can make the sodding enchiladas from now on.
    That is why you just get your enchiladas from Taco Bell. They are soft going in and even more soft coming out.

    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk
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    Default

    In that case, I'm quite thankful we don't have Taco Bell over here!
    I'm FEMALE...Deal with it!

    "Whatever you do, wherever you go, there you are..." Edward Van Halen 1986

    "You spend the first part of your life trying to make your mark, and the second part just trying to cover up your tracks"... Weesfreewheelin, 2012

    "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom"... Shirley Conran, 1975

    "You turn if you want to...The LADY is NOT for turning!"...Margaret
    Thatcher, 1980


  5. #5
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 04:54 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bsbll4 View Post
    We've all done it. We've tried to make a nice meal and completely ruined it by epic proportions. With Thanksgiving coming up, I'm sure we'll have a few fried turkey stories if nothing else. What's yours?

    A couple stories I have:

    - A few years ago for Valentine's Day, I promised my wife I would make her Chicken Cordon Bleu. Feeling overzealous, I decided to make chocolate covered strawberries as well. Being a guy that doesn't cook, I bought some nice fresh strawberries and some Hershey Kisses (hey, they melt in your mouth and get hard when cold...it seemed reasonable enough). As I tried to melt the Hershey Kisses in the pot, at first things were going okay. I was getting a nice chocolate tar...which quickly started burning in the pan and smelling just like real tar. Soon the house was filled with smoke and I had to open doors and windows to get the smoke out before my wife got home. Apparently there are special chocolate pieces that are meant for that....lesson learned.
    Has nothing or very little to do with the chocoate.

    If you put chocolate in a pan directly over the heat it will burn. Period.

    What you need to do is get a pot, fill it with water, put the pot on the heat until the water is simmering.

    Get a bowl. Break up the chocolate in the bowl. Put the bowl over the pot of boiling water and let it sit there. be sure to stir. Perfect melted chocolate every time because its the vapour from the water heating the bowl not direct heat.
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  6. #6
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    Default

    We've been calling that a double boiler down here for a few years now.




  7. #7
    Baluchitherium steve mcqueen's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 10:41 PM
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    Premium Member

    Default

    British making enchiladas, cats and dogs living together.......mass hysteria!!


  8. #8
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 04:54 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Number 47 View Post
    We've been calling that a double boiler down here for a few years now.



    Yeah thanks, Martha. I know what it's called. Was just trying to explain it to bsbll.


    Dickwad.
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  9. #9
    Gird your loins Daisy Hill's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 05:44 PM
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    Default

    my cousin once served a dinner of fried chicken gizzards without realizing you have to clean those gizzards yuk

    she is also the one who nearly blew up the kitchen with her pressure cooker...red sauce EVERYWHERE

    my kid stuck a frozen burrito in the microwave for 45 minutes because although he said he read the instructions, he did not know the difference between a "microwave" and "conventional" oven. The fire department came to put out the burrito....
    I had to wash the walls, the carpets, the drapes...the stench was everywhere.
    and I had to buy a new microwave because no amount of cleaning got the funk out and everything cooked in the microwave tasted like that cinder of a burrito

    another cousin was being taught to make dumplings...she over mixed the dough so badly they came out like rubber and so my cousins and I took them out to the drive way an took turns whacking them across the street with a paddle tennis racket

    survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre 9-3-2016 BGSU 10 OSU 77

    She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.

  10. #10
    Gird your loins Daisy Hill's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 05:44 PM
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    Default

    oh..and in high school I caught the kitchen cabinets on fire when I over heated a pan of frying oil when I abandoned it to search for a lost hamster.

    called my father in tears to tell him I had scorched the entire front of the cabinets .....he asked me if I had burned them up completely ...I told him it was just smoke damage and he replied "damn....I thought maybe we could get the insurance company to foot the bill for the remodel"


    it was an ugly 70"s kitchen.....lots of orange, and plastic..what can I say?

    survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre 9-3-2016 BGSU 10 OSU 77

    She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.

 

 

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