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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:37 PM
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    When we last left our favorite band was about to begin production with Sammy Hagar on a new album.........

    Day one.....
    (Eddie sleeps in and calls everybody to tell them that they wil start tomorrow)

    Day two......
    (Sammy has too big a hangover, so they will start the next day)

    Day three.....
    (Mike has diarrea, so another day of waiting)

    Day four......
    (Alex pinches a nerve in his neck while getting some morning lovin', a 2 week set back results)

    2 weeks later..

    The phone rings.......

    Sam: "hello"
    EVH: "Sam its Ed, we need to talk."
    Sam: "What about Eddie"
    EVH: "Well I haven't heard from you the past couple of weeks so I have questions about your work ethic once ahain."
    Sam; "What are you talking about Ed? Al hurt his neck so we waited."
    EVH: "Thats just an excuse Sam and you know it. If you don't want to work as a team again then maybe you should just go back and be a solo artist again."
    Sam: "You know what Ed? Thats fine with me, goodbye and loose my number asshole."
    EVH: "Sam wait, I was.......... (nothing but a dial tone on the other end) only kidding."

    An hour later at 5150

    MA: "Hey Ed when is Sam arriving?"
    EVH: "He isn't Mike."
    AVH: "Now what the fuck did you do Ed?"
    EVH: "I called him and tried to make a joke but it totally blew up in my face."
    AVH: "I'll call him and tell him it was a joke."

    Al calls Sammy's house

    Kari: "Hello"
    AVH: "Kari its Alex Van Halen, is Sam around?"
    Kari: "Um no he just left to go meet Neil Schon and Slash to write some songs."
    AVH: "OH SHIT! O.K. thanks goodbye."

    Alex turns to Mike & Ed

    AVH: "Sam's definately out, he is writing with Schon and Slash."
    MA: (thinks to himself, I wonder if he needs a bass player?)
    EVH: "Thats just great! Now what are our options?"
    AVH: "Well we don't have a record contract, we don't have a singer, oh wait a minute, lets trick I mean call Dave again."
    EVH: "I guess I don't have much choice anymore."

    Ed picks up the phone

    DLR: "Hello"
    EVH: "Dave its Eddie."
    **before Ed can say anything else**
    DLR: "I'll be right there."

    Stay tuned for future episodes of the Van Halen chronicles.....
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  2. #2
    Eruption
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    very well done. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    van halen shall return. what you think is nothing might be something after all.

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! Mario VH's Avatar
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    07.09.17 @ 06:30 PM
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    "It's now officially 5150 time!!!"

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing! ED-A-HOLIC's Avatar
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    Favorite VH Album

    The one with Ed on guitar.
    Favorite VH Song

    The one with Ed's amazing solo
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    12.15.17 @ 04:55 PM
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    Now you really made me laugh man!
    "I could call it anything, but the only word I can think of is Brown. It's just a warm sound. Warm, big, majestic" - Eddie Van Halen on his Tone

    "Van Halen is definitely a ladies band, and Ive got the Polaroids to prove it". - David Lee Roth

    WOLFGANG did the IMPOSSIBLE, he brought back VAN HALEN, DEAL WITH IT.

  5. #5
    Top Of The World CoR's Avatar
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    05.15.08 @ 04:00 PM
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    The sad thing is, every word of that story could be true...

  6. #6
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    09.26.07 @ 02:38 PM
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    Donor

    Hilarious as usual, Eddymon.
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
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    12.16.17 @ 03:10 AM
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    Thanks for bringing the series back, Eddymon. The funny thing is that those stories don't sound like fiction.
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

    In 2012, the phoenix has risen!!

    "High speed, low drag."

    "Look at all the people here tonight!!!" - 10/5/07, 5/20/08 Mohegan Sun

    Congratulations to Van Halen as part of the Class of 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

    Cinco de Cabo @ Foxwoods: "A giant party with live music" - S. Hagar

    got tequila?

    http://keepitaliveforever.com

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:37 PM
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    Later that day...........

    DLR: "Edward, this time we do it my way. o.k.?
    EVH: "You know what Dave? Its your show now, I am totally frustrated now. Let me play back what we have recorded."

    Ed plays the stuff.......

    DLR: "Sounds pretty good man. Let me come up with some killer lyrics and come back in a couple hours."
    EVH: "Sure Dave. Mike, Al & I are going to go hit some balls at the driving range. We'll be back in a later."
    DLR: "Later guys."

    Dave is alone now in 5150.........

    DLR: "Well my baby's on the corner and she's looking sooooo fine, put 1 & 1 together.........I've heard that somewhere before, I can't use that."

    3 Hours later.........

    EVH: "Dave we're back, how did you do?
    DLR: "Let me play back what I have added so far."
    MA: "That sounds great Dave."
    AVH: "And you came up with all that in only a few hours?"
    EVH: "Yeah, thats some killer shit man, I'm totally jazzed."
    DLR: "Remember boys, I haven't been exactly writing the best material the past decade or so. I have alot of shit built up inside me."
    EVH: "Let me call Ted up and see if he can make it up here tonight, so we can keep the ball rolling."
    DLR: "Ted Templeman? Shit I haven't seen him a along time."
    EVH: "Yeah, since we split with WB we have been quietly working with him again."
    DLR: "I'm hungry."
    MA: "Tell Starks to go pick up a few pizzas, its gonna be a long night."
    EVH: "Yeah, I'm so sick and fucking tired of all the fans demanding answers from us, so lets make an album in record time and blow them away."
    DLR: "Oh, you mean like we used to do?"
    EVH: "Exactly."

    Its now 3am and all is progressing well.........

    TT: "Ed, lets redo the solo for Independents Day, it needs to be about 20 seconds longer."
    EVH: "Sure Ted, we have 11 songs allready in the can tonight, this is unbelievable."
    DLR: "So do you miss Sammy?"
    EVH: "Lets put it this way, if Sammy were still here, there wouldn't be anything left of those 8 pizzas."

    Ed rips a new killer solo..........

    AVH: "Hey Eddie, I got a great idea for an album title. How about Guess Whose Back in Circulation?"
    DLR: "I Like it man."
    MA: "Sounds cool to me to."
    EVH: "Thats fine with me."
    TT: "Cool title Alex, and Eddie, you sure are being very agreable this time."
    EVH: "You know what Ted? I think I have finally conceded the fact that I can't be a total control freak anymore."
    TT: "About time Edward, its about time."

    Stay tuned for more in the coming days...........

    [ February 12, 2002 at 12:09 PM: Message edited by: Eddymon ]</p>
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  9. #9
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    vhvault.com<br />strungout.com<br />vhtrading.com

  10. #10
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    yes yes yes!! i can't wait for a new one. I am a huge fan of these. thanks Eddymon!!
    This is home, this is Mean Street!<br /><br /><b><br />Then one year you find ten years have gotten behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. - Pink Floyd, Time</b><br /><br />"Everyone knows that Van Halen with Roth is the only real Van Halen."- Mike Tramp<br /><br /><a href="http://www.vhforums.com/vhlforum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=001366&p=66#00 1635" target="_blank"> OBEY THE DFK!!</a>

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:37 PM
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    When we last left, Dave was creating more special lyrics for Van Halen.........

    EVH: "Dave, I just saw your video on your web-site. What the hell is that all about?
    I mean, it totally sucks, what gives man?

    DLR: "Its just something I did several months ago, just a stupid little thing thats all."

    EVH: "You know you are getting slammed pretty hard by those idiots at LINKS right?"

    DLR: "Eddie, when have either of us gave a shit about them anyways? Just look at my past few solo albums."

    EVH: "Yeah, those stupid moronic people don't know whats about to hit them do they."

    DLR: "They sure as hell don't, Van Halen is going to hit the ground running and boy will they be in for a shock."

    EVH: "I am thinking about asking LIMP BIZKIT to open for us."

    DLR: "WHAT!"

    EVH: "Only as a joke. Look at it this way.When they get boo'd off the stage, just think about the press we'll get. Van Halen fires up the crowd while wannabes get shunned."

    DLR: "Now your singing my song Edward. Just do me a favor and never sing on an album ever again."

    EVH: "It wasn't my idea to do that. But I will just stick to the guitar and keyboards from now on."

    DLR: "And loose the keyboards as well. This is VAN HALEN, not Bon Jovi."

    EVH: "Hey wait a minute, oh never mind. You are probably right again Dave. No keyboards."

    DLR: "Now lets get back to work Edward."

    EVH: "Show me the way Dave, show me the way."

    DLR: "No we aren't going to do a cover of the Peter Frampton song either Eddie."

    EVH: "Damn, I lost again."

    Stay tuned for future stories..................
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  12. #12
    Eruption
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    Atomic Punk, Mean Street, Jump, Feels So Good, The Seventh Seal
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    I'm a Dirty-Faced Kid... so could some cute female do me the favor and lick me clean, please?!<br /><br />"Nobody rules these streets at night but me... the ATOMIC PUNK!" - DLR (1978)<br /><br />"This must be just like living in paradise... and I don't wanna go home" - DLR (1988)<br /><br />"So put it off until judgment day... I bear the cross on judgment day" - Sammy Hagar (1991)<br /><br />Obey the DFK!<br /><br /><b>IF YOU'RE DFK... YOU'RE DFK 4 LIFE!</b>

  13. #13
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Keep Em' Coming
    This is home, this is Mean Street!<br /><br /><b><br />Then one year you find ten years have gotten behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. - Pink Floyd, Time</b><br /><br />"Everyone knows that Van Halen with Roth is the only real Van Halen."- Mike Tramp<br /><br /><a href="http://www.vhforums.com/vhlforum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=001366&p=66#00 1635" target="_blank"> OBEY THE DFK!!</a>

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:37 PM
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    When we last left, edie had given total creative control to Dave.............

    DLR: "Hey Eddie, play me that solo again but this time speed it up just a bit."
    EVH: "Dave I'm not 20 anymore."
    DLR: "Come on Eddie, you can do it, just put some effort into it this time."
    EVH: "Okeedokee, here I go."

    DLR: "See man I told you you could do it."
    EVH: "Man I haven't played that hard in years. Hey Mike & Al, THE KING IS BACK!"
    AVH: "Sure sounded great Ed."
    MA: "Absolutley incredible Eddie."
    DLR: "Now Al, lets hear some of the same driving drum playing that you once had. And Mike, well you really haven't changed. Keep up the good work."

    EVH: "Hey Al, Dave is making me feel young again, how about you?"
    AVH: "Yeah, I kinda feel rejuvinated. In fact I am finally taking off this stupid neck brace."
    DLR: "O.K. guys lets listen to what we got now."

    **They play back all 12 songs**

    EVH: "Sounds like 1978 all over again."
    AVH: "I think I'm gonna cry, THIS is what we have been missing these past 6 or 7 years."
    MA: "Totally amazing guys."
    DLR: "Gentlemen, I think we have ourselves a kick ass rock & roll record here. Yes we do. It just needs one more thing thought to be complete."
    EVH: "Whats that dave?"
    DLR: "A sequel to ERUPTION."
    EVH: "I have been noodling with something a bit, work with me here Alex."
    AVH: "Ready Ed."
    EVH: "A 1, a 2, a 3........................"

    **2 1/2 minutes later**

    DLR: "Edward Van Halen, where have you been man? That was simply dynamite."
    EVH: "Really? You liked it?"
    DLR: "Its the best thing you have played in 20 years. And as much as I would hate to admit it. I really liked the solo on your 5150 song on your Live Without a Net video. And this blows it away."
    EVH: "Awesome, what did you think Mike?"
    MA: "I have to agree with Dave here man, I have fucking goosebumps."
    AVH: "Sure was great Ed."
    EVH: "Damn! I missed working with Dave. He does bring out the best in me."
    DLR: "Well lets wrap it up for tonight fellas. Anyone up for going out on the town? I have some Beautiful Girls all lined up."
    MA: "Sorry, but I promised my wife that I'd watch a movie with her tonight."
    AVH: "Sure why not, Its been a long time since I went anywhere."
    EVH: "Well Val and Wolfie ARE in Utah, what the hell. One thing I have learned the past 2 years is that life is precious. lets live it up. I'm buying."
    MA: "Ah shit, screw the wife. We'll watch Bridges over Madison County tomorrow night."
    DLR: "Attention citizens of LA, Van Halen is back on the streets and in circulation."

    STAY TUNED AND STAY POSITIVE..................
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  15. #15
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Well Done.. You should think about making a movie script thing and post it on here, that would be sweeeeeet! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    This is home, this is Mean Street!<br /><br /><b><br />Then one year you find ten years have gotten behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. - Pink Floyd, Time</b><br /><br />"Everyone knows that Van Halen with Roth is the only real Van Halen."- Mike Tramp<br /><br /><a href="http://www.vhforums.com/vhlforum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=001366&p=66#00 1635" target="_blank"> OBEY THE DFK!!</a>

 

 

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