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  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Fair Warning
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    In A Simple Rhyme
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    05.19.18 @ 11:06 PM
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    Default Van Halen is old as fuck

    http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/09/30...8MetalSucks%29



    I had shall we say a moment of clarity about Van Halen this week. Itís nothing bad and nobodyís fault. I love. To me, they score highest in all categories of awesomeness since The Beatles srs. And thusly, I think fans flex on lots of bullcrap. Like, no Michael Anthony? Uh okay. Your teen son in his place? If you say heís cool, then cool. Shirtless in those white capris brah? Fuckiní have to trust you on that, I will! And the super secret recording sessions? Fuck it! Like the song says, Iíll wait. Ditto for Aerosmith.

    My, like, epiphany isnít about something theyíve done that freaked me out. There exists no action to be undertaken by Van Halen that could disinterest me in their DLR-inclusive shit. But here Iíll reprise the headline as I explain the wake-up call I received the other day: Holy fuck Van Halen is old as all shit.


    Hereís what happened: I watched an internet video of 2007 Van Halen in concert and I started thinking, man those guys move oldly. Then a bit of advanced research confirmed my suspicions: In a practical sense, the men of Van Halen were born a thousand years ago. In the fuckity fuckiní 1950s! Only recently did medicine make it possible to live to their age! That is, the age they were at four years ago!

    I so love. I love even footage of Diamond Dave kinda jrunk Ďn shiddy on the Skyscraper tour, but this reunited VH Silver reaches a newer, scarier level. Theyíre not complacent or however youíd describe them in the í90s either; the unit sounds good esp Alex (lovvve youuuu). Again, theyíre not over it or totally out of it, just old while doing it. The implications:

    Time is of the essence. I restate that this is straight love talking: As old-ass people, the three OG VH guys should maybe work quickly? Thatís before ya figure in the overpartying, illnesses, and the chance that California will earthquake everybody all to fuck at some point. Really, they created this amazing band and must stop lording it over everybody, laboring at perfection, or whatever the fuck lolz. Címon chop chop! Four more albums! Clock is ticking.

    Concerts awkward. In 1999, I saw the reunited Black Sabbath with Pantera and dreadlock guy w/didgeridoo band. I blubbered through ďAfter Forever.Ē It was a touching scene. Ditto for Bruceís return to Maiden that same year and ďThe Evil That Men Do.Ē So I expected irresistible attraction to/super fun from newly-Daved Van Halen concert events. But I havenít attended. In a way, Iíve been avoiding eye contact.

    Anso DF = innovative action, dynamic solutions. Itís a jump of faith but Iíll go ahead and operate on the premise that the in-progress album by Van Halen will come out in the near-ish future. Then there shall be a tour, I say. These things must and will happen. And at some stops in the tour, Iíll suck it up and attend while super on drugz and with my contacts out and bam! thatís called getting the most of a finite thing.

    -ADF

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium sinner's swing's Avatar
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    05.19.18 @ 03:56 AM
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    Default

    Is there a "fucking idiot to English" dictionary app online somewhere?

    I think I understood some of it, and kind of agree, but come on with the gobbly-gook wording.

  3. #3
    Hot For Teacher 10 High's Avatar
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    02.10.13 @ 04:55 AM
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    Default

    Well thought out article by Dr. Obvious. I for one was certainly not aware of this.

  4. #4
    Eruption
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    Atomic Punk
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    05.26.17 @ 10:48 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sinner's swing View Post
    Is there a "fucking idiot to English" dictionary app online somewhere?

    I think I understood some of it, and kind of agree, but come on with the gobbly-gook wording.
    I kind of liked the style. Reminded me of another guy on the net (not a music site, but great entertainment...definitely a time waster! http://www.oddtodd.com)

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk Little Dreamer's Avatar
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    Hear About It Later
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    05.20.18 @ 12:25 AM
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    Default

    The main point, VH being old so they must hurry up, would make sense in a perfect world.
    Except he forgot one fact. VH is old and RICH. Makes a hell of a difference...
    Little Dreamer

  6. #6
    Eruption
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    08.17.12 @ 10:19 PM
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    Default

    Sorry, but there are guys right here on VH Links that are able to articulate such sentiments with a whole lot more style and pizazz than that guy and they do it using a whole lot less words.

  7. #7
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    05.20.18 @ 01:37 AM
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    Default

    Can someone translate that inexplicable word barf?
    Webmaster
    VHLinks.com - Your Van Halen Internet Resource Guide
    http://www.vhlinks.com

    JamToThis.com
    Audio/Video Trading Community
    Tons of Van Halen!

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk
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    Love 'em all! (esp. F.U.C.K)
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    04.21.18 @ 05:47 PM
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    Default

    Oh, I don't know Brett. I kind of liked it. Very naturalistic.
    I'm FEMALE...Deal with it!

    "Whatever you do, wherever you go, there you are..." Edward Van Halen 1986

    "You spend the first part of your life trying to make your mark, and the second part just trying to cover up your tracks"... Weesfreewheelin, 2012

    "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom"... Shirley Conran, 1975

    "You turn if you want to...The LADY is NOT for turning!"...Margaret
    Thatcher, 1980


  9. #9
    Good Enough Ian Sane's Avatar
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    05.19.18 @ 08:46 PM
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    Default

    Dave, Ed & Al may look a little old, however they don't look ridiculous like the fourth member in that video does...
    ďAnd what we have at our fingertips is arguably one of the greatest high tenor voices ever Ė that was in Michael Anthony. In our tiny little corner of the universe, that voice is as identifiable as the high voice in Earth, Wind & Fire, as identifiable as the high voice in the Beach Boys. Van Halen is an indelicate house blend of both Ė thatís intentionally. So I would always look forward to that reunion.Ē - David Lee Roth

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk Dave's Dreidel's Avatar
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    05.20.18 @ 04:18 AM
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    Premium Member

    Default

    I didn't follow the link, as I didn't want to give someone that fucking stupid the ad traffic.

    Anyone who actually types out "brah" for a short version of brother is a fucking idiot.

    And yes, I know it is current slang to use, and it still is fucking stupid.
    Taylor Swift is nice to look at. Adele can sing.

    Emperor Brett - "I can't believe you guys are analyzing song-by-song Van Halen III? What next, analyzing the script of Stroker Ace looking for some shred of Citizen Kane?"

    David Lee Roth did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it!

    A man's rights rests in three boxes: the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box

    Hurricane Halen - Let's all gingery touch our sword tips!!!

  11. #11
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    05.20.18 @ 05:16 AM
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    Premium Member

    Default

    I couldn't get through the second paragraph... don't care either.

  12. #12
    Good Enough 5150rob's Avatar
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    05.16.18 @ 08:19 AM
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    Default

    yeah I did not really care for the article either.....

    unfortunately..... the longer they sit on their hands the more true it becomes to most people out there other than us die hards.

    Rob

  13. #13
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    Complete Zero
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    05.19.18 @ 03:44 AM
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    Donor

    Default

    Yeah they definitely move like old guys.





    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  14. #14
    Eruption Railrunner130's Avatar
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    05.18.18 @ 04:53 AM
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    Default

    It seems to me that while the older rockers may not move like they once did, by in large they seem to play better and sound better.

  15. #15
    Eruption servoguy101's Avatar
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    04.03.12 @ 10:26 AM
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    Default

    It's Monday & my adderal hasnt kicked in, got about 2 lines in and.................. what was I saying?
    Sam, Dave,Gary... who cares. its all about what makes you feel good.

 

 

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