Follow us on...
Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Facebook Watch us on YouTube
Register
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 26
  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    49
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    22,946
    Last Online

    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
    Likes
    842
    Liked 1,229 Times in 448 Posts

    DontEvenReply.com

    DontEvenReply.com / E - m a i l s f r o m a n a s s h o l e



    http://dontevenreply.com/index.php
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    49
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    22,946
    Last Online

    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
    Likes
    842
    Liked 1,229 Times in 448 Posts

    Default

    This was in response to an ad looking for surrogate mothers. The ad is long and boring, so I'll sum it up: they pretty much pay healthy women a lot of money to carry another couple's baby.

    From Me to ************@***********.org:

    Hello,

    I saw your ad looking for surrogate mothers, and was wondering if you had any openings for a surrogate father. I am willing to sacrifice my body for families who cannot have a child. I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mother inserted into my balls, and then impregnate the surrogate mother through passoniate intercourse, to assure that the baby is conceived in a more natural environment. Nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child.

    I saw that compensation was $25,000 for the mother. Since I am doing all of the hard work, however, I am asking for $50,000 as compensation. Also, the surrogate mother must fit the following criteria:

    - 18 to 24 years old
    - Brunette or Blonde (no redheads)
    - Not too short, but not taller than me because that is just weird
    - Breast size of C cup or larger
    - Not fat
    - She must shave "down there"
    - STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that)

    I look forward to hearing from you. If possible, please send a list of potential surrogate mothers for me to knock up, and include pictures. I will get back to you with who I want to impregnate first.

    Thanks,

    Mike

    From Mary ********* to Me:

    Mike,

    There is no "surrogate father" program. Sorry.

    Mary *********

    From Me to Mary *********:

    Mary,

    Surely there are some fathers who would want this. Just ask your clients if they would be interested in my services. I am sure you will get a positive response.

    I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal.

    Thanks,

    Mike

    From Mary ********* to Me:

    What is wrong with you? Let me be very clear: there will never be a surrogate father program. One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." Frankly, your demands are disgusting and you are making a mockery of our program. Do not contact me again.

    From Me to Mary *********:

    Oh, come on. What demands were disgusting? The anal sex? Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first.

    Believe me, this is not about the sex for me. I just want to help our country's most precious resource: our children. They are our future, you know. You hate children, don't you? By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic.

    Please reconsider,

    Mike
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    06.15.06
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    13,741
    Favorite VH Album

    VHIII/WACF/OU51BALUCK
    Last Online

    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default

    holy jesus that's hysterical!

    "By refusing my services you might as well be working at an abortion clinic!"

    awesome...truly awesome.
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  4. #4
    Hang 'Em High jetguy5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.19.04
    Location
    Burlington, On, Canada, Earth
    Posts
    6,142
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K. 1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Feels So Good (deal with it...
    Last Online

    12.13.17 @ 09:21 AM
    Likes
    582
    Liked 426 Times in 228 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    Holy shit!!! I just read 3 or 4 of these and have tears in my eyes. My co-workers think I lost my mind. The one about the hot-tub repair is pure gold Jerry.
    Signature not currently available. You aren't missing much.

  5. #5
    Eruption
    Join Date
    12.06.01
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    875
    Favorite VH Album

    I have to pick?
    Last Online

    10.05.17 @ 11:44 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 14 Times in 6 Posts

    Default

    That's pretty good, a lot like textsfromlastnight.com
    Your favorite band sucks.

  6. #6
    Forum Frontman It's Mike's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.26.06
    Age
    43
    Location
    Vaughan, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    34,105
    Favorite VH Album

    like them all, no favourite
    Last Online

    12.13.17 @ 06:17 PM
    Likes
    1,314
    Liked 6,688 Times in 3,708 Posts

    Default

    that's terrible and likely a hoax, but funny.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.21.03
    Age
    52
    Location
    Mound Valley, Kansas
    Posts
    9,043
    Favorite VH Album

    5150, Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Dance The Night Away, Dreams
    Last Online

    11.02.17 @ 09:45 PM
    Likes
    37
    Liked 28 Times in 9 Posts

    Default

    That's some funny shit!
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

  8. #8
    Hang 'Em High jetguy5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.19.04
    Location
    Burlington, On, Canada, Earth
    Posts
    6,142
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K. 1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Feels So Good (deal with it...
    Last Online

    12.13.17 @ 09:21 AM
    Likes
    582
    Liked 426 Times in 228 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by It's Mike View Post
    that's terrible and likely a hoax, but funny.
    They are not hoaxes but they are staged. The guys looks for classified ads and then replies to him. I was reading about the site and he only gets responses to about 10% of the emails he sends. So basically he is fishing to find the people that will engage him. There are probably even more that figure out what is going on after his first few responses.

    I think the guy is brilliant because he starts out as a very legitimate responder to the original ad. He doesn't just jump in at the get go which would likely scare off everyone. Some funny reads in there. The hot tub repair guy was great.
    Signature not currently available. You aren't missing much.

  9. #9
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
    Join Date
    10.13.03
    Location
    Right here.
    Posts
    4,121
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Drop Dead Legs
    Last Online

    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
    Likes
    31
    Liked 17 Times in 10 Posts


    Premium Member

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xaminer View Post
    That's pretty good, a lot like textsfromlastnight.com
    There is some funny shit on there...


    "So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter"

    "he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes"

    "This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive."


    I'm on page 10 and I can't quit crying from laughing.
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
    Clark W. Griswold- Food Additive Designer
    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
    Round II = Done!
    Round III = Done!
    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

  10. #10
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
    Join Date
    10.13.03
    Location
    Right here.
    Posts
    4,121
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Drop Dead Legs
    Last Online

    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
    Likes
    31
    Liked 17 Times in 10 Posts


    Premium Member

    Default

    "This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back."

    "They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!"

    "Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon."


    I am getting NOTHING done since finding this site.
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
    Clark W. Griswold- Food Additive Designer
    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
    Round II = Done!
    Round III = Done!
    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

  11. #11
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
    Join Date
    10.13.03
    Location
    Right here.
    Posts
    4,121
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Drop Dead Legs
    Last Online

    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
    Likes
    31
    Liked 17 Times in 10 Posts


    Premium Member

    Default

    "Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog."

    "Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser."

    "Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds."




    OK, I'm done now.
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
    Clark W. Griswold- Food Additive Designer
    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
    Round II = Done!
    Round III = Done!
    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.08.04
    Location
    Secret Witness Protection Location
    Posts
    31,731
    Favorite VH Album

    Anything Mike played on
    Favorite VH Song

    Anything Mike played on
    Last Online

    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
    Likes
    34
    Liked 60 Times in 35 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Filthy 150 View Post
    There is some funny shit on there...


    "So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter"

    "he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes"

    "This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive."


    I'm on page 10 and I can't quit crying from laughing.
    Christ....this is better than Shit My Dad Says
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    06.15.06
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    13,741
    Favorite VH Album

    VHIII/WACF/OU51BALUCK
    Last Online

    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LLFHS View Post
    Christ....this is better than Shit My Dad Says
    and at least as worthy as a sitcom as Shit My Dad Says.

    Jeez...can you imagine a show based around this texting site starring Sam Kinison where the episode begins with him reading the text calmly and then we backtrack to see what happened to bring him to the point where he actually typed the text to someone and every episode would end with him typing the text that he read in the morning...could be a winner...except that he's dead and all...
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium
    Join Date
    09.11.06
    Age
    41
    Location
    Leicestershire, England
    Posts
    4,484
    Favorite VH Album

    VH1, VHII or Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    They're all great!
    Last Online

    04.02.15 @ 07:26 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 5 Times in 2 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    well i managed 3 pages before i had to use the bathroom, I'm now about 8 pages in and my family think i may have gone insane, i cannot move/breathe/eat for laughing/crying!
    seriously funny shit!
    http://www.facebook.com/Tommywho5150

    And with that I'm off to the kitchen to make myself a lesbian omelette...LLFHS in response to one of Graeme's post's


    "The anal beads may have scarred SNIC for life. That guy is tough as fucking nails!! No normal guy could take anal beads to the head and survive! "...OLO on SNIC's near death experience at TLW

    "I'm a 45-year-old man, and I still like to wear a thong or a speedo when I go swimming.
    Not because I have a great body, it's just an easy way to make sure I have the hotel swimming pool all to myself."...Bullwinkle for quite obvious reasons!

    "Dude, the cashier gave me the creepiest sneer when he rang up my unmentionables!"...Sassy Lassy during a Facebook conversation!

  15. #15
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
    Join Date
    10.13.03
    Location
    Right here.
    Posts
    4,121
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Drop Dead Legs
    Last Online

    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
    Likes
    31
    Liked 17 Times in 10 Posts


    Premium Member

    Default

    OK...one last one.
    Just because it is stellar...

    "(662):
    Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

    (901):
    BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that"
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
    Clark W. Griswold- Food Additive Designer
    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
    Round II = Done!
    Round III = Done!
    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

 

 

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •