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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 01, 2003
    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
    House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
    band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
    if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
    be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that
    time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy
    for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty


    ================================================== ==========================

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 02, 2003
    RE: Gala Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
    coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from
    now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
    employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation
    Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We
    will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,

    Patty




    ================================================== ==========================

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 03, 2003
    RE: Holiday Party


    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
    Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table . You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
    accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you
    wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

    Somebody?

    And sorry, but forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts are
    allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
    executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

    REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.




    ================================================== ==========================

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    To: All Employees
    DATE: October 04, 2003
    RE: Generic Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20
    begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
    during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time
    of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
    the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of
    the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
    little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
    the restrooms.

    Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have
    to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
    To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing allowed, apparently
    because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

    We will have booster seats for short people.

    Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

    I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food The Grill House suggests
    that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

    There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot
    supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?

    Patty



    ================================================== ==========================


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All F#$&*ng Employees
    DATE: October 05, 2003
    RE: The F*%#ing Holiday Party


    I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep
    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest
    from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu&*^%g salad bar, including organic
    tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
    them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

    The rest of you fu@*&ng weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you
    all have a rotten holiday!

    Drive drunk and die,

    The B* from HE*^!!!!!!!!




    ================================================== ==========================


    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

    DATE: October 06, 2003
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday
    Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Happy Holidays!

    Joan
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    So funny, yet so true.
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Company Christmas parties usually suck ball sack anyway.

    I see these pinheads every day anyway. Why would I want to dress up for them?
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

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    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    We're doing ours at 3pm, with an hour of open bar for beer and wine, and then a full dinner, again with free beer and wine.

    I'm the HR guy.

    That said, it IS a "holiday party", and we have a vegetarian option. That's pretty much it for the PC consideration. We used to have an employee that could only eat Kosher, double wrapped and all that, so we'd go out of our way to do a special Kosher meal for him for these events. But he didn't ask for it, in fact he'd tell us not to bother. But it was the right thing to do...

  5. #5
    Good Enough pal1800's Avatar
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    Most non Christians that I know are not offended by Christmas parties and usually throw down a few and have a good time. Never heard a complaint. Guess some feeble minded weak individuals could possibly have such problems, but any reasonably normal individual would either go and have fun or skip it. Merry Christmas Everyone.

  6. #6
    Good Enough SLEEPER5150's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LLFHS View Post
    Company Christmas parties usually suck ball sack anyway.

    I see these pinheads every day anyway. Why would I want to dress up for them?
    True. I've been a no show at mine for the past three years. I'm not a snob, but i just can't hack all the PC bullshit at our events. Usually held on a Thursday too, so it's not like you can cut loose and let the lubrication flow too much either, and trust me, with some of these corporate swine, you need to have a little Jack or Johnny just to get through without throwing up!
    She looks so $#@!'n good ,so sexy and so frail....Somethin's got the bite on me, I'm goin' straight to Hell.

  7. #7
    Eruption Naked Wake's Avatar
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    Default

    yeah, somebody e-mailed this to me last week. Kinda funny, kinda true.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    I got this one as well, made my week!!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  9. #9
    Atomic Punk
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    Quote Originally Posted by LLFHS View Post
    Company Christmas parties usually suck ball sack anyway.

    I see these pinheads every day anyway. Why would I want to dress up for them?
    our's rocks. We have it here in the office. Mimosas for breakfast at about 9 am with the gift exchange. Then, at about 11:30/noon we have lunch and the white elephant giveaway. THis year we had the lunch catered by a really nice Mexican restaurant. We also had a rum fountain, beer and wine.

    After the gifts and eating, everybody grabs a few more drinks, goes back to their cubes/offices and wraps stuff up and everyone goes home.

    We have christians, jews, atheists, hell...we even have a Zoroastrian here. Everyone has a great time, lots of laughs and no bullshit.
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  10. #10
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by broken9500 View Post
    ...we even have a Zoroastrian here.
    You have a what?
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
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    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
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    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk
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    Quote Originally Posted by Filthy 150 View Post
    You have a what?
    a Zoroastrian...one who practices the Zorastrian faith or Zoroastrianism.

    Don't ask much more than that though!
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    Gee thanks for clearing that up. I was wondering what the heck that was.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  13. #13
    Good Enough VH Wahoo's Avatar
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    Zoroastrianism

    Not that this clears anything up at all...

    Zoroastrianism

    "Zoroastrianism is a religion and philosophy based on the teachings of prophet Zoroaster (or Zarathustra - Persian). The term Zoroastrianism is, in general usage, essentially synonymous with Mazdaism, i.e. the worship of Ahura Mazda, exalted by Zoroaster (Zarathustra) as the supreme divine authority. Along with Hinduism, Zoroastrianism is considered to be among the oldest religions in the world."

    "In Zoroastrianism, the Creator Ahura Mazda is all good, and no evil originates from Him. Thus, in Zoroastrianism good and evil have distinct sources, with evil (druj) trying to destroy the creation of Mazda (asha), and good trying to sustain it. Mazda is not imminent in the world, and His creation is represented by the Amesha Spentas and the host of other Yazatas, through whom the works of God are evident to humanity, and through whom worship of Mazda is ultimately directed. The most important texts of the religion are those of the Avesta, of which a significant portion has been lost, and mostly only the liturgies of which have survived. The lost portions are known of only through references and brief quotations in the later works of (primarily) the 9th-11th centuries."

    "Zoroastrianism is of great antiquity.[1] In some form, it served as the national- or state religion of a significant portion of the Iranian peoples for many centuries before it was gradually marginalized by Islam from the 7th century onwards. The political power of the pre-Islamic Iranian dynasties lent Zoroastrianism immense prestige in ancient times, and some of its leading doctrines were adopted by other religious systems. In return, Zoroastrianism too syncretically borrowed ideas from other belief systems, in ancient times from Babylonia, and in modern times from theosophy and esoterica, and from Christianity, Islam and Hinduism."

    "Present-day Zoroastrianism has no major theological divisions (the only significant schism is based on calendar differences), but it is not monolithic. Modern-era influences have a significant impact on individual/local beliefs, practices, values and vocabulary, sometimes complementing tradition and enriching it, but sometimes also displacing tradition entirely."


    Ahura Mazda? Mazdaism? This reads like the storyline from some bad Japanese cartoon....
    Last edited by VH Wahoo; 12.07.09 at 12:39 PM.

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    It reminds me of Zorro for some reason.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  15. #15
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VH Wahoo View Post
    [I]"Zoroastrianism is a religion and philosophy based on the teachings of prophet Zoroaster (or Zarathustra - Persian). The term Zoroastrianism is, in general usage, essentially synonymous with Mazdaism, i.e. the worship of Ahura Mazda, exalted by Zoroaster (Zarathustra) as the supreme divine authority. Along with Hinduism, Zoroastrianism is considered to be among the oldest religions in the world."
    Zoom, Zoom!

 

 

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