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  1. #1
    Romeo Delight tc5150dc's Avatar
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    09.23.12 @ 06:38 PM
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    FOWL FOURSOME ALL CLUCKED UP - New York Post

    Read this garbage. It's in today NEW York Post.


    Last updated: 3:51 am
    August 19, 2009
    Posted: 3:36 am
    August 19, 2009

    I guess Goateye, Pigtesti cle and Monkeyfinger were already taken as band names, so the stupor-group of Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony, Chad Smith and Joe Satriani had to settle for Chickenfoot.

    That was their first mistake, but only one of many at their Beacon Theatre gig Monday. Like their fowl moniker, this band stinks -- despite singer Hagar's and bassist Anthony's status as Van Halen alumni, drummer Smith's current membership in the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Satriani's guitar-god skills.

    One huge problem is that they haven't written a single song that can stand up in the pantheon of hard rock. A decade from now, ain't nobody gonna be playing a cover of "Soap on a Rope," "My Kinda Girl" or "Sexy Little Thing." All of these tunes -- like the rest of the set -- were unadventurous, uninspired songs heavy on volume but light on just about everything else.

    On their own these may be four very talented guys, but together as a band they totally lack chemistry. Despite being in the Chickenfoot brotherhood, they remain individual soloists trying to outshine rather than support their bandmates. Hagar is the worst offender, constantly preening and strutting and asking again and again, "Are we having fun?"

    Sorry, Sammy, no we aren't. Hagar was especially unlikable when he repeatedly made suggestive remarks from the stage about Satriani's elderly mom, who was watching her son shred from the wings.

    Despite the crowd titters, Mrs. Satriani should know there were some who thought Hagar was crude, ill-mannered and unchivalrous. She should also urge little Joey to get out of this train wreck of a group before he damages his reputation.

    The night wasn't a total loss. Those smart enough to see the early set performed by 22-year-old British guitar whiz Davey Knowles and his band, Back Door Slam, were treated to an incredible performance of heavy blues rock played with clarity, heart and a ton of soul -- like a reincarnation of the Spencer Davis Group.

    Short as the opening set was, there were zero missteps and real brilliance in the band's cover of David Crosby's "Almost Cut My Hair." Back Door Slammed on Chickenfoot, proving they were the night's real super-group.

    dan.aquilante@nypost.com
    Last edited by tc5150dc; 08.19.09 at 08:19 PM.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Stopped reading after the lame first paragraph.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  3. #3
    Forum Frontman Double Down's Avatar
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    ('78-'84) VH 1; ('86-'95) 5150
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    11.17.17 @ 12:11 PM
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    LMAO....Now that's a funny read.

    Crazy things happen when a Rothtard gets behind a keyboard!
    Last edited by Double Down; 08.19.09 at 08:59 PM.
    .
    .
    .
    VH with Dave ('78-'84) - The best years....the "real" VH.
    VH with Sam ('86-'96) - Incredible era....."We have renamed this town 'New Halen!'.
    VH with Gary ('98) - Fucking disaster. WTF was that??
    VH with Wolf/Dave ('12-'15) - Amazing comeback. Smokin' album and tours.

  4. #4
    Eruption te5150's Avatar
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    09.24.13 @ 12:08 AM
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    Below is part of Rolling Stone magazine's original review of Led Zeppelin's debut album:

    "Unfortunately, [Jimmy Page] is also a very limited producer and a writer of weak, unimaginative songs, and the Zeppelin album suffers from his having both produced it and written most of it (alone or in combination with his accomplices in the group)..."

    Not that I'm comparing Chickenfoot to Led Zeppelin. Only a fool would do such a thing. Nor would I compare the New York Post with Rolling Stone.

  5. #5
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 08:47 PM
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    Did Ed write that?
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  6. #6
    Eruption Paulsitive's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 06:23 PM
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    all opinions and how these reviewers see the band. who knows or cares if it will "stand up to the pantheon of hard rock". the music is here now and is GOOD. this reviewer probably listens to Modest Mouse or something.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    Modest Mouse is a pretty good band. I don't own their records or anything, but they're not bad at all.
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  8. #8
    Eruption Paulsitive's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 06:23 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by broken9500 View Post
    Modest Mouse is a pretty good band. I don't own their records or anything, but they're not bad at all.
    ok then, he probably listens to uhh...The Fray..or something.

  9. #9
    Good Enough SLEEPER5150's Avatar
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    Hear about it later
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    12.03.10 @ 03:16 PM
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    Although I don't agree with the review stating the songs unimaginative or whatever, and it's a narrow account which is to be expected from citics, at least this guy actually critiqued the performance, not like the reviewer Chris in the other thread who trashed everything associated with the show, but mostly not even the performance. This review is pretty sparse but he at least acknowledged their skills, but did hit Hagar for being crude, which i'll give him a little. A 20, 30, even 40 something making sexual comments in his rap can get away with it, but 60 + ahhhhh......I'll admit can be a little nasty. It's like if your grandparents were discussing their still smoldering sexual prowess. Whatever. I like the band, I like the tunes. I think that post with the review of Zep says it all. Critics don't speak for the fans.
    She looks so $#@!'n good ,so sexy and so frail....Somethin's got the bite on me, I'm goin' straight to Hell.

  10. #10
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 05:49 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brett View Post
    Did Ed write that?
    Yeah, it came from his MySpace page!
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  11. #11
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    Default New Van Halen Review

    Last updated: 3:51 am
    August 19, 2010
    Posted: 3:36 am
    August 19, 2009

    I guess Goateye, Pigtesti cle and Monkeyfinger were already taken as band names, so the stupor-group of Eddie Van Halen, ,Alex Van Halen,David Lee Roth and Wolfgang Van Halen had to settle for Van Halen.

    That was their first mistake, but only one of many at their Beacon Theatre gig Monday. Like their fowl moniker, this band stinks -- despite singer Roth's and bassist Wolfgang's status as Burger King alumni, drummer Van Halen's current membership in the House of the Lord, and Eddie's guitar-god skills.

    One huge problem is that they haven't written a single song that can stand up in the pantheon of hard rock. A decade from now, ain't nobody gonna be playing a cover of "My Dog Ate My Homework," "My Kinda Detention" or "Sexy Little Colostomy Bag." All of these tunes -- like the rest of the set -- were unadventurous, uninspired songs heavy on volume but light on just about everything else.

    On their own these may be four very talented guys, but together as a band they totally lack chemistry. Despite being in the Van Halen brotherhood, they remain individual soloists trying to outshine rather than support their bandmates. Roth is the worst offender, constantly preening and strutting and asking again and again, "Are we having fun?"

    Sorry, Dave, no we aren't. Roth was especially unlikable when he repeatedly made suggestive remarks from the stage about Wolfgang's step mom, who was watching her son shred from the wings.

    Despite the crowd titters, Mrs. Van Halen should know there were some who thought Roth was crude, ill-mannered and unchivalrous. She should also urge little Wolfie to get out of this train wreck of a group before he damages his reputation.

    The night wasn't a total loss. Those smart enough to see the early set performed by 22-year-old British guitar whiz Davey Knowles and his band, Back Door Slam, were treated to an incredible performance of heavy blues rock played with clarity, heart and a ton of soul -- like a reincarnation of the Spencer Davis Group.

    Short as the opening set was, there were zero missteps and real brilliance in the band's cover of David Crosby's "Almost Cut My Hair." Back Door Slammed on Van Halen, proving they were the night's real super-group.
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Fuck the critics. In the immortal words of Harry Chapin...

    Mr. Tanner

    Mister Tanner was a cleaner from a town in the Midwest.
    And of all the cleaning shops around he'd made his the best.
    But he also was a baritone who sang while hanging clothes.
    He practiced scales while pressing tails and sang at local shows.
    His friends and neighbors praised the voice that poured out from his throat.
    They said that he should use his gift instead of cleaning coats.

    But music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
    and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
    And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
    He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

    His friends kept working on him to try music out full time.
    A big debut and rave reviews, a great career to climb.
    Finally they got to him, he would take the fling.
    A concert agent in New York agreed to have him sing.
    And there were plane tickets, phone calls, money spent to rent the hall.
    It took most of his savings but he gladly used them all.

    But music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
    and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
    And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
    He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

    The evening came, he took the stage, his face set in a smile.
    And in the half filled hall the critics sat watching on the aisle.
    But the concert was a blur to him, spatters of applause.
    He did not know how well he sang, he only heard the flaws.
    But the critics were concise, it only took four lines.
    But no one could accuse them of being over kind.

    (spoken) Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his
    Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately
    his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards.
    His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it
    consistently interesting.
    (sung) Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order.


    He came home to Dayton and was questioned by his friends.
    Then he smiled and just said nothing and he never sang again,
    excepting very late at night when the shop was dark and closed.
    He sang softly to himself as he sorted through the clothes.
    Music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
    and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
    And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
    He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by SLEEPER5150 View Post
    Although I don't agree with the review stating the songs unimaginative or whatever, and it's a narrow account which is to be expected from citics, at least this guy actually critiqued the performance, not like the reviewer Chris in the other thread who trashed everything associated with the show, but mostly not even the performance. This review is pretty sparse but he at least acknowledged their skills, but did hit Hagar for being crude, which i'll give him a little. A 20, 30, even 40 something making sexual comments in his rap can get away with it, but 60 + ahhhhh......I'll admit can be a little nasty. It's like if your grandparents were discussing their still smoldering sexual prowess. Whatever. I like the band, I like the tunes. I think that post with the review of Zep says it all. Critics don't speak for the fans.
    it wasn't an offensive review at all. The comments about Sam are pretty fair. The guy IS crude and crass. I thought he'd drop that for this band. When I saw his live show on HDNet a few weeks back I was blown away by just how tacky and crude he was it. It wasn't funny, or "ROCK!!" or anything...it was just crass and off-putting...and you guys KNOW me. I'm not a prude on any level.

    I just don't get off on that sort of thing, not when Kid Rock does it, not when some rapper does it and not when Hagar does it.

    This guy pointed out all of the worst concerns/problems I have with the group. I don't think the songs are THAT phenomenal and I do think they recorded a largely disposable record. Will many people continue to rock out to it for years to come? Absolutely and in the end, it boils down to that but on the larger level, the record isn't going to usher in a new era of hard rock or anything like that. Joe, to me, sticks out like a sore thumb and always has. He's always struck me as such a cerebral, calculating player that it seems strange to see him up there with Chad the cut up and Sam the forever perverted 17 year old trapped in a 60 year olds body.

    Is this band as bad as this guy puts it? I don't think so but by the same token, I don't think it's nearly as good as some of the super awesome reviews of the group imply either.

    They're in the middle. Nothing spectacular, just a pretty good band made up of three stellar musicians and Hagar who, vocally at least, is in perhaps the best shape of his life. I think, from everything I have seen and heard, the shows are really really fun with a lot of energy and the band displays their chops really well and as I said in another thread, finances and schedule permitting, I hope to take in the show in person next month.

    But honestly, for a group of people who consistently pan the significance of "critics" and "reviews" and tout the belief that one mustn't worry what some wannabe journalist thinks, I'm amazed at how passionate most seem to be about every shitty review and every awesome review.

    How come no one pans the significance of the reviews when they are glowing and full of praise?
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  14. #14
    Good Enough
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    12.11.17 @ 07:17 PM
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    You took the words right outta my mouth and managed the strange feat of not
    sounding like a dick while doing it. I'm glad CF and their audience is having fun
    with it, but another critic hit it on the head for me when he said CF manages
    the strange feat of making Nikleback interesting in comparison. It's old hat.
    But that's just this critic's opinion. No need to get so personally invested in
    such things. You'd think a VH fan would know better.
    Last edited by E-roc; 08.20.09 at 07:20 AM.

  15. #15
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 08:47 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by broken9500 View Post
    How come no one pans the significance of the reviews when they are glowing and full of praise?
    I don't know, the world is a strange place, I mean there are actually some people out there that think VH 3 is a good album too.
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