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  1. #1
    Eruption
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    10.05.17 @ 11:44 AM
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    Default Marriages suck sometimes.

    My wife and I lately are having issues. She has a male friend from work that she's been texting and talking to. She says it's not a big deal, and nothing is going on, and I want to believe her. She let me look at her phone and read the texts and things, but I still deal with a lot of insecurity with it.

    What she doesn't understand is that 100% of every man that I have met only hang out with women for one reason, and I try to explain this to her, but she doesn't believe that's the case. I told her that it will eventually come up, but we have continually argued over it for the past few days.

    I know I am a little insecure on things, but this isn't the first time this has happened. She almost left when we first got married because she started talking to a guy a lot. Things are different now, she says she's happy in our marriage, and doesn't want to leave me or be with anyone else, but it still picks at my mind that she does.

    It upsets me that she spends more time talking to this dude than she does me. She says that she should be allowed to have friends, and I'm not letting her do that. I'm saying she can have friends, but she doesn't need to talk to them 24/7.

    So what should I do? Wait it out and see what happens? After a big fight yesterday, she said she'd not talk to him so much, so I'm going to see if that is true or if she continues on. I love this girl so much, that I'd do anything for her, and pretty much have in life. But lately she just seems to have a rebellious streak in her and wants to buck everything I say.

    Some days I just want to say fuck it and leave, then I realize that I'm madly in love with her and would never want that. During our fight yesterday she hung up on me because she was afraid that I was going to tell her to leave and she didn't want to hear those words.

    I know I'm over analyzing everything at this point, but I'm really scared.
    Your favorite band sucks.

  2. #2
    Eruption AJHV's Avatar
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    08.29.11 @ 12:46 PM
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    Default

    First off tell her to never hang up on you!!! You are a MAN Right!!!! Tell her makes you feel uncomfortable when you text this guy. So after all is said and done. If she keeps text the guy after your big fight and she told you she would slow down. If she keeps it up tell her. So you like spiting in my face!! I m your husband, this isnít High school. I donít like and it needs to stop. At least for the love she has for you.

    Stop saying that you are insecure; Women will take advantage of that.

    Man up bro and I know sometimes itís hard for us man. But you have too.

    Good luck.
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  3. #3
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    Default

    man, I hate when crap like this comes up. It has been difficult at times for The Wife and I to communicate our feelings in ways that the other understands. Thankfully, we've never really run up on too many opposite sex friend issues. Here and there, but nothing real serious. She does have guy friends and some of the do want to hit that, don't blame them, but there's not an ounce of concern that she would let them. She's real sensitive to that sort of thing and is the first one to say "hey, I shouldn't be talking to him" or "I shouldn't go out with them."

    Now when we first started dating there were a couple issues...where she pretty much blew me off to be with some guy or another because "they needed someone to talk to" and what not. Whatever...that's guyspeak for I'm lonely and I want to fuck...maybe you'll fall for my mopey bullshit."

    She didn't and we had long talks about how if we were going to be together then she would have to do something about her hurt puppy approach to guys. She has and we haven't had any problems with that since.

    Nowadays this sort of thing only comes up once in a while...she has a group of friends that invades Houston once a year or so because they all go to school out of state or something and they're all guys. I really don't like any of them and I've gotten to the point where I'll go as a good little husband should but there have been times where I'll ditch after a couple drinks and go home and she'll stick around to catch up with them. I really don't mind. One of them drives her home and she comes to bed. I know she's not messing around one me.

    Me...I don't have any friends so it never comes up on my end.

    Basically here's the approach I've come up with about cheating spouses. If you have to try to keep them from doing it, it's too late. Fuck it. Get a divorce or bring it out in the open, become swingers or whatever, and get used to it.

    I don't believe in running cock block for my own spouse. If I have to watch her and check her text messages and all that jazz...well, there's obviously something going on in my marriage that isn't being addressed in a healthy productive manner.

    If she cheats, I'm going to leave her.

    If she's cheating, I'm going to find out sooner or later. It doesn't really matter when. If she's cheating and I haven't found out and don't have any suspicions then it doesn't really matter...yet but it all comes out in the wash sooner or later.
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  4. #4
    Future's in the past....
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    11.03.17 @ 01:35 PM
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    Default

    Man, that sucks. I definitely think something was up if my wife was texting/talking to another dude that often. Thankfully, we communicate very well and she's very upfront with me with anyone trying to pick her up. She'll tell them to their face that there is not a chance in hell, and if they continue, she'll ask them if they would like to meet up with me. If that doesn't stop them, she'll happen to mention that I own a shotgun and know how to use it quite well....that ends everything.
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  5. #5
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    Default

    The Wife often doesn't understand that someone just tried to pick her up...she's gotten better at it, but sometimes we'll be somewhere and she'll say "this guy just said blah blah blah" and I have to say "well, he wants to do you." and she'll say "noooooo...he was just being nice." And I'll say "yeah, because he wants to do you!"

    Wives can be so cute in their blissful ignorance sometimes!
    Stay out of it, dude.


    I am Van Halen.

  6. #6
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
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    12.18.17 @ 09:38 AM
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    Default

    maybe he's gay?

    I dunno - maybe JMJ has something...























    (sorry big guy)

  7. #7
    Good Enough
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    12.15.17 @ 12:03 PM
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    Default

    Short and sweet..Kids involved? Try to work things out, see what she needs, wants, or is missing. If no kids...see ya!! You can be friends with this dude full time.
    Dealing with it.

  8. #8
    Good Enough Ace Ventura's Avatar
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    01.01.13 @ 04:06 PM
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    Default

    Man- I feel for you, I really do. I, unfortunately, have been on both sides of this issue. And let me tell you one thing. The wolf is ALWAYS at the door. Most people, both men and women, don't have the respect for marriage that there ued to be.

    That being said, she is your wife. Do whatever you can to protect, love and nurture her. If she can't see that you love her with all of your heart and decides to make the "grass is greener" decision, that's her loss. There may be something lacking that she needs from you. Communication, love, (both physically and/or mentally), emotional support, or whatever. Try to identify that. If she still insists on communicating with him over you, then I think it's time to make a move. But not before you know you have done EVERYTHING in your power to make things work.

    I truly wish you the best, my man...
    "It doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you..." -Neil Young

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  9. #9
    Atomic Punk ziggysmalls's Avatar
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    12.18.17 @ 01:12 PM
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    Default

    This sounds almost exactly what happened to me an my soon to be ex-wife. About three years ago she started hanging out with some people from work more and more. Now we do work at the same company so I was not that upset about it. However more and more she started to identify more with these people and we drifted apart. Of course I saw the warning signs but was afraid to confront it. When I tried to, it was too late.

    My advice is that you need to confront this even if it means you split up. Relationships are two way streets. You have been mature about it enough to where she should try to change her habits a bit.

    If she doesn't stop or curtail it, then she doesn't respect you and you can't have that iin a marriage.

  10. #10
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    08.19.10 @ 08:10 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by broken9500 View Post
    The Wife often doesn't understand that someone just tried to pick her up...she's gotten better at it, but sometimes we'll be somewhere and she'll say "this guy just said blah blah blah" and I have to say "well, he wants to do you." and she'll say "noooooo...he was just being nice." And I'll say "yeah, because he wants to do you!"

    Wives can be so cute in their blissful ignorance sometimes!

    TOO TRUE! I still never give a second thought to a guy that is just nice, and wants to be friends.....I was an DAMN idiot though...when my ex was layin out on me cheatin left and right, I really thought he was working......Er, I knew what was going on in the back of my mind, and chose to ignore it....I was so crazy busy then....Had a small child and an infant..............Hope all works out for ya. Just pray! It always helps.

  11. #11
    Sinner's Swing! vh_chick's Avatar
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    09.05.15 @ 07:55 AM
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    Donor

    That whole "Be a MAN!" and "You are the MAN" stuff is bullshit. You two are partners - equals. If your wife has any self-esteem at all, she will not tolerate being dictated to by anyone, except maybe her boss. "I am the man and you will do what I say" is shit that abusers say, and don't anyone try to tell me they don't. That is bullshit advice and just leave it at the curb. (I'm not aiming that at anyone here - no one was that severe - but those kinds of posts inevitably come up in these threads).

    Now, that said - she knows how much it is bothering you, and for that reason alone, she should cut back on the communication with this guy SIGNIFICANTLY and IMMEDIATELY. There is no reason to be in contact with another man that frequently when you are a married woman. What, are they planning a surprise party for a mutual friend? No? Then stop.

    Is there any way you could tell the guy to lay off a bit? "Put yourself in my shoes. Would you think this was cool?" Your wife would probably get pissed about that, tho, since you've already fought about it.

    Well, I wish you good luck! I hope she does what she says she'll do.

    Shari
    Last edited by vh_chick; 06.04.09 at 10:26 AM.
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  12. #12
    Baluchitherium steve mcqueen's Avatar
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    12.18.17 @ 07:14 AM
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    What vh-chick said.....I would have a little "talk" with this guy....yanowhatimean?

  13. #13
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    08.19.10 @ 08:10 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve mcqueen View Post
    What vh-chick said.....I would have a little "talk" with this guy....yanowhatimean?

    Yeah that is a good idea, but IF she's going to do it, she's going to do it. I'm sorry to be so honest, but I don't beat around the bush. I could've tracked down every single one of those freakin whores and had a chat, but it wouldn't have done any good. They wanted to fuck him regardless, they did, and he along with them broke up a wonderful family. IF it comes to that, you are gonna hurt like hell, but I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day, you'll wake up and realize that you ARE happy, and much better off.

  14. #14
    Romeo Delight DMan7-cvh's Avatar
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    06.22.15 @ 12:38 PM
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    Default

    First off, let me say I'm sorry that you're going through this.

    Your wife is having an emotional affair, you should be the one she talks to and confides in, she is putting her efforts into the wrong relationship. She needs to stop if you mean anything to her.

  15. #15
    Baluchitherium steve mcqueen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimmie5150 View Post
    Yeah that is a good idea, but IF she's going to do it, she's going to do it. I'm sorry to be so honest, but I don't beat around the bush. I could've tracked down every single one of those freakin whores and had a chat, but it wouldn't have done any good. They wanted to fuck him regardless, they did, and he along with them broke up a wonderful family. IF it comes to that, you are gonna hurt like hell, but I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day, you'll wake up and realize that you ARE happy, and much better off.
    True....but at least you would have a better idea of what really is going on....if this guy is trying to get some, you will know after 5 seconds of talking to him...and there is the possibility that the friendship is just that, a friendship, nothing more.....reason I say this is because I had a similar situation last year where my girlfriend was getting alot of phone calls from her "friend" at work....the fact that it was a man didn't upset me too much, because, like me, she is a chef and 99% of the people she works with are men....what irked me was that he was calling late at night, 1 or 2 in the morning and talking with her for sometimes an hour or more....when i asked her about it, she would say. "oh, it's just Frank, he needed to vent, that's all".....so I went down to her restaurant to have a chat with this guy.....turns out he is a cool guy who needed to vent his frustrations at work to someone and my girlfriend was someone he could talk openly with and keep it confidentional......I explained my position and we ended up at the bar down the street getting drunk with him and he is still a good friend to this day....and he doesn't call as much as he used to.

 

 

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