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  1. #1
    Unchained Mister T.'s Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 04:39 PM
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    Default Job Description ~ Translation...

    My buddy and I have been browsing the Craigslist job adds and have been cracking up as we translate what they really mean...

    Example:

    We value brainstorming and risk taking, it's part of our pride to be innovative and creative in our business processes.

    ~Translation: Any idea you come up with will be shot down, repackaged, and displayed as the management's idea from the beginning....unless it fails, then you f#(@ed up.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk
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    Default

    my favourites are ones that seek "passionate, self-motivated individuals who want to earn what they're worth!" That always means some sort of bullshit outside sales job selling something no one wants.

  3. #3
    Good Enough wham bam will rock's Avatar
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    06.26.17 @ 04:51 PM
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    The next polo shirt, khaki pant wearing middle manager motherfucker I come in contact with that uses the phrase "think outside the box" or some lame sports metaphor to illustrate a business point, will die a horrible death by my own two hands.

    We're all gonna lose our jobs anyway, right?

    Fuck it!
    "Never is just reven spelled backwards." -House

    "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -THE Rob Gordon

  4. #4
    Unchained Mister T.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wham bam will rock View Post
    The next polo shirt, khaki pant wearing middle manager motherfucker I come in contact with that uses the phrase "think outside the box" or some lame sports metaphor to illustrate a business point, will die a horrible death by my own two hands.

    We're all gonna lose our jobs anyway, right?

    Fuck it!
    So that would look like:
    Company desires member who thinks outside the box.

    ~Translation:
    Our business model is so f@%#ed up, you can throw orthodoxy right out the window!

  5. #5
    Eruption
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    Quote Originally Posted by wham bam will rock View Post
    The next polo shirt, khaki pant wearing middle manager motherfucker I come in contact with that uses the phrase "think outside the box" or some lame sports metaphor to illustrate a business point, will die a horrible death by my own two hands.

    We're all gonna lose our jobs anyway, right?

    Fuck it!
    I ran in to one today... within the first 7 minutes of my Friday. Wanted to wrap some duct tape around that mouth.

    Gap polo shirt- Check
    Khaki Pants- Check
    White Sneekers - Check
    Lame sales Cliche - Check
    Douche Bag - Check

  6. #6
    Good Enough VH Wahoo's Avatar
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    08.31.15 @ 02:01 PM
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    "Team-oriented"

    "Team player"

    "Works well with others"

    Translation: Keep your opinions to yourself and toe the corporate line, or you'll be out on your @ss faster than you can say "unemployment line"!

  7. #7
    Romeo Delight Mr. Drewvin's Avatar
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    07.17.17 @ 06:39 PM
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    Default hehehe

    Quote Originally Posted by wham bam will rock View Post
    The next polo shirt, khaki pant wearing middle manager motherfucker I come in contact with that uses the phrase "think outside the box" or some lame sports metaphor to illustrate a business point, will die a horrible death by my own two hands.

    We're all gonna lose our jobs anyway, right?

    Fuck it!
    Would like a word.............


  8. #8
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    "Self-Starter Wanted" - The boss couldnt find his asshole with a funnel, so don't expect him to know jack about your job.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 03:26 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by VH Wahoo View Post
    "Team-oriented"

    "Team player"

    "Works well with others"

    Translation: Keep your opinions to yourself and toe the corporate line, or you'll be out on your @ss faster than you can say "unemployment line"!
    My translation for those is this: It doesn't matter how hard you work, you still won't get paid any more than the slacker that you are pulling along in your wake.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

  10. #10
    Baluchitherium steve mcqueen's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 09:35 PM
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    Default

    One of my favorites is "labor intensive".....which really means, "It's too hard and I don't want to do it"

  11. #11
    Eruption nicholas_kudochop's Avatar
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    08.08.17 @ 07:08 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by wham bam will rock View Post
    The next polo shirt, khaki pant wearing middle manager motherfucker I come in contact with that uses the phrase "think outside the box" or some lame sports metaphor to illustrate a business point, will die a horrible death by my own two hands.

    We're all gonna lose our jobs anyway, right?

    Fuck it!

    Lol...I know exactly who you're talking about! My district manager...not only are we supposed to be in "offense mode" right now..but we're pushing some bullshit called "POW!" which translates to "Power Of Won!!!!". We're gonna win this fucking thing and "own our results". Yeah, sure we are you fuckin' idiot.

  12. #12
    Future's in the past....
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    11.03.17 @ 01:35 PM
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    S.H.I.T.

    Super
    High
    Intensity
    Training

    Still, SHIT always flows downhill....
    11/05/78 Hollywood Sportatorium
    12/10/82 Hollywood Sportatorium
    01/20/84 Hollywood Sportatorium
    01/21/84 Hollywood Sportatorium
    02/16/08 Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 03:26 PM
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    Default

    At Amazon they do this thing called a "Kaizen" which is Japanese for improvement, from "Kai" which means "Change" and "Zen" which means "Good".

    I joke that "Kai" means to "copulate", and "Zen" means "Airborne feces" which translates into "Fuck shit up!"
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk stilleddiesangel's Avatar
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    08.25.17 @ 05:45 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viking View Post
    At Amazon they do this thing called a "Kaizen" which is Japanese for improvement, from "Kai" which means "Change" and "Zen" which means "Good".

    I joke that "Kai" means to "copulate", and "Zen" means "Airborne feces" which translates into "Fuck shit up!"
    Agh... First Direct bank (part of HSBC) use this too.
    ****Texas - Home Of My Heart****

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Unchained Mister T.'s Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 04:39 PM
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    You know - the Navy uses a term called 'Apache Leadership'.

    Esseintially this means - Ride someone until they drop dead, then get a new horse.
    Last edited by Mister T.; 03.03.09 at 12:56 PM.

 

 

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