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  1. #1
    Eruption arcticwolf64's Avatar
    Join Date
    08.13.03
    Age
    53
    Location
    Everett, Washington
    Posts
    1,254
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Hear about it later
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    01.06.12 @ 12:23 AM
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    Default For VH Linker Dad's with little girl's. Rule's for dating our Daughter's.

    Rule One : If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
    her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
    cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
    them.

    Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
    your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
    falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and
    all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and
    open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
    to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
    big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your
    clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my
    daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
    securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
    utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
    elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk
    about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do
    this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when
    you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
    word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
    opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is
    okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
    girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished
    with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
    appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
    want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
    is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting
    the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
    something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
    daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
    wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns
    within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
    dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
    temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
    tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
    goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic
    or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are
    okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
    middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
    I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
    you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
    the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a machete and several bag's of lime
    and five acres of deep, dark forest behind the house. Do not test me.

    Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
    mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
    over a poppy field outside of Tora Bora. When my Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome starts acting
    up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
    for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
    you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
    perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
    daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no
    need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
    All you need in this life is a tremendous sex drive and a great ego , brain's don't mean a shit! ~ Captain Tony Tarracino

    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

    When you figure out that you can't figure it out, your finally gettin your shit together. ~ Jimmy Buffett

    http://www.myspace.com/palm_trees_and_mojitos

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.22.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    texas
    Posts
    9,852
    Favorite VH Album

    1984 / 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    the ones with ed on them.
    Last Online

    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by arcticwolf64 View Post
    Rule One : If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
    her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
    cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
    them.

    Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
    your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
    falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and
    all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and
    open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
    to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
    big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your
    clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my
    daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
    securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
    utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
    elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk
    about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do
    this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when
    you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
    word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
    opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is
    okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
    girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished
    with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
    appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
    want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
    is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting
    the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
    something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
    daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
    wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns
    within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
    dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
    temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
    tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
    goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic
    or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are
    okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
    middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
    I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
    you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
    the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a machete and several bag's of lime
    and five acres of deep, dark forest behind the house. Do not test me.

    Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
    mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
    over a poppy field outside of Tora Bora. When my Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome starts acting
    up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
    for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
    you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
    perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
    daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no
    need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


    ROFLMAO

    Best ones are 9 & 10.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! csm5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.04.04
    Age
    46
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    3,094
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
    Last Online

    11.25.14 @ 09:53 PM
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    Default

    I read this somewhere else regarding dating daughters. I am so glad I don't have girls. It would suck seeing those pre-pubescent/puberty driven boys coming to my house to take my girl out knowing how I was at that age/what I had on my mind then. My friend's dad went and beat the crap out of some boy who pushed his daughter down when we were in school.
    LSU Tigers 2003 & 2007 National Champs
    Detroit Pistons 2004 NBA Champs

    If looks could kill, I'd stare at everybody!

  4. #4
    Forum Frontman fudd's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.22.08
    Age
    38
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    14,260
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair warning, 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    HAIL, love walks in, 5150
    Last Online

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    Liked 6,297 Times in 3,167 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    I dated a girl in my teens whos dad was a cop and I walked in one day and he said " Glad you're an unstanding citizen", and I said huh? And he made it known that he has and will continue to check my background as long as I was with his daughter. Thats fucked up.

  5. #5
    Good Enough cabomiro's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.11.08
    Location
    Calgary AB
    Posts
    2,612
    Favorite VH Album

    OU812
    Favorite VH Song

    Dreams
    Last Online

    12.08.17 @ 03:30 PM
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    Liked 650 Times in 369 Posts

    Default

    I don't have any kids but that's freakin funny as hell.
    Cabo x 20
    Van Halen x 11
    Sammy x 20+
    DLR x 2

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing!
    Join Date
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    07.01.10 @ 06:21 AM
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    Default

    I have two daughters. Good stuff. Thanks dude.

    When I was younger and still in my thrash metal mode (i.e. hair, leather, high tops), I dated the daughter of a Pentecostal preacher. That guy HATED me. Thought I was the devil incarnate. He would pray for me and couldn't stand the fact that his daughter was going out with me. However, his little angel was CRAZY BAD when dad wasn't around so it made it worth while.

  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.08.07
    Location
    698 Sycamore Road, San Pueblo, CA
    Posts
    2,789
    Favorite VH Album

    Sound Magazine
    Favorite VH Song

    I Think I Love You
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    06.07.15 @ 10:30 AM
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    Thank God! I have two sons, and we're all done!

    YeeeeeHAW!! Go get 'em, boys! I'll even teach you how to undo a bra one-handed.







    Don't read this.

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium Duke's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.10.04
    Location
    Slightly North of Sanity
    Posts
    4,558
    Favorite VH Album

    Changes On A Daily Basis
    Favorite VH Song

    Ditto
    Last Online

    07.10.17 @ 08:25 AM
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    Liked 131 Times in 74 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bullwinkle View Post
    Thank God! I have two sons, and we're all done!

    YeeeeeHAW!! Go get 'em, boys! I'll even teach you how to undo a bra one-handed.
    My daughter is 14, and many young idiots are already skulking around the neighborhood, like coyotes.

    Obviously no little bastards named Bullwinkle will be allowed in the house.

    It's funny though, in a couple more years i'll be passing on that same info to my son.
    The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
    -H.S.T

    This next part could really confuse things. Let's stay focused. #asis

  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing! csm5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.04.04
    Age
    46
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    3,094
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
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    11.25.14 @ 09:53 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by fuddman5150 View Post
    I dated a girl in my teens whos dad was a cop and I walked in one day and he said " Glad you're an unstanding citizen", and I said huh? And he made it known that he has and will continue to check my background as long as I was with his daughter. Thats fucked up.
    I date the police chief's daughter when I was in h.s. She was a freak!!!!!!!!! Both good and bad. One day we were folling around on her couch. Something told me to stop and I did. We got dressed and sat up. No sooner had I zipped my fly, her dad comes walking in. Fuck!!!!!! She used to want me to sneak in her house/sneak her out at night. I did that once and liked to shit my pants. I got rid of her b/c she was a psycho.
    LSU Tigers 2003 & 2007 National Champs
    Detroit Pistons 2004 NBA Champs

    If looks could kill, I'd stare at everybody!

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk stilleddiesangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.30.04
    Location
    A Brit in Texas
    Posts
    9,106
    Favorite VH Album

    Have a soft spot for F*U*C*K
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained/Mine All Mine
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    08.25.17 @ 05:45 PM
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    It's amazing how one thread can make the point of comments made in another thread so concisely! Thanks guys, you did my job for me!
    ****Texas - Home Of My Heart****

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium
    Join Date
    09.11.06
    Age
    41
    Location
    Leicestershire, England
    Posts
    4,484
    Favorite VH Album

    VH1, VHII or Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    They're all great!
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    04.02.15 @ 07:26 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by stilleddiesangel View Post
    It's amazing how one thread can make the point of comments made in another thread so concisely! Thanks guys, you did my job for me!
    http://www.facebook.com/Tommywho5150

    And with that I'm off to the kitchen to make myself a lesbian omelette...LLFHS in response to one of Graeme's post's


    "The anal beads may have scarred SNIC for life. That guy is tough as fucking nails!! No normal guy could take anal beads to the head and survive! "...OLO on SNIC's near death experience at TLW

    "I'm a 45-year-old man, and I still like to wear a thong or a speedo when I go swimming.
    Not because I have a great body, it's just an easy way to make sure I have the hotel swimming pool all to myself."...Bullwinkle for quite obvious reasons!

    "Dude, the cashier gave me the creepiest sneer when he rang up my unmentionables!"...Sassy Lassy during a Facebook conversation!

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
    698 Sycamore Road, San Pueblo, CA
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    Sound Magazine
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    I Think I Love You
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    06.07.15 @ 10:30 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by stilleddiesangel View Post
    It's amazing how one thread can make the point of comments made in another thread so concisely! Thanks guys, you did my job for me!

    Umm...whoops! That was a typo. I meant to say, "Go get 'em boys! Treat them with respect and make sure you wait until marriage!"







    Don't read this.

  13. #13
    Forum Frontman It's Mike's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.26.06
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    43
    Location
    Vaughan, Ontario, Canada
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    Favorite VH Album

    like them all, no favourite
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    12.12.17 @ 03:49 AM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stilleddiesangel View Post
    It's amazing how one thread can make the point of comments made in another thread so concisely! Thanks guys, you did my job for me!
    agreed with you completely. If my little boy turns out like some of the characters we see in here I think I'll hang myself.

  14. #14
    Eruption
    Join Date
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    44
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    Higher in the Sierras
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    880
    Favorite VH Album

    Currently: 1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Currently: Panama
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    05.30.17 @ 09:20 PM
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    I have 2 girls. They are only 2 1/2 years old and 3 months old...but the day will come when I have to slam someone's head into the wall, Al Bundy style!
    Thunder Mountain Brewing Company
    Owner and Brewmaster

    Bottled: 2010 Imperial Bastard Stout (9.5% ABV)
    Bottled: 2011 Thunder Mountain Pale Ale (5.5% ABV)
    Fermenting: 2011 Thunder Mountain Irrish Ale (4.9% ABV)


    "I'm just a normal jerk who happens to make music. As long as my brain and fingers work, I'm cool." -Eddie Van Halen, 1996

  15. #15
    Future's in the past....
    Join Date
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    Somewhere between here and there
    Posts
    13,090
    Favorite VH Album

    WACF, FW, DD
    Favorite VH Song

    At the moment, Little Guitars
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    11.03.17 @ 01:35 PM
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    11/05/78 Hollywood Sportatorium
    12/10/82 Hollywood Sportatorium
    01/20/84 Hollywood Sportatorium
    01/21/84 Hollywood Sportatorium
    02/16/08 Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.

 

 

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