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Thread: Best insults

  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing! graeme's Avatar
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    Default Best insults

    I am unashamedly childish. Inventive ínsults make me laugh like a small girl.

    Any favourites?

    A musician being heckled onstage.....

    "Hey. I don't come down to the bus station and slap the dick out of your mouth when you're working. Shut the fuck up"

    I do believe that said musician then went on to smash his acoustic guitar over the head of the heckler. Kind of a full stop.

    There was also one on here, can't remember who said it, that went something like... "I never said I was better than everyone else. I am, however, better than you"
    A man could lose himself in a country like this.

    My blog at http://tollins.blogspot.de/

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    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    Default

    Fuck you and your stupid face!



    Cracks me up every time.







    Don't read this.

  3. #3
    Forum Frontman fudd's Avatar
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    Yo mama got a wooden leg with a kickstand.

    (when refering to an ugly person) Last time I saw a face like that it had a hook in it.

    Or

    That girl is so fat she looks like a busted can of biscuits.

  4. #4
    Hot For Teacher eman2's Avatar
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    Default

    How 'bout...

    Your mother is so stupid, she'd trip over a cordless phone!

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing!
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    I know there's books and books of fat jokes, but these are a couple of my faves from "The Nutty Professor":

    Yo mama's so fat, she gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib's

    Yo mama's so fat, her belt size is equator
    .

    .
    "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the truly great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain

    "Edward?.....thank ya." ~ Could This Be Magic

    "The attitude is we live and let live. This is actually an amazing change in values in a rather short time and it's an example of freedom from religion."
    ~ Thomas Wolfe

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    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    Default

    Also, the timeless classic:

    "If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards."







    Don't read this.

  7. #7
    Eruption Executionor's Avatar
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    Kids can be so immature and by kids I mean Jr. High age kids. This is a time when kids are trying out all their new cuss words they have learned and being total dicks.

    The boys have kids in each of their classes that are just ridiculous about being petty and calling names. My kids don't follow the mentality whereas you have to belittle someone or cuss at them to make themselves feel better, so I tell them when someone is doing that sort of stuff to look at the kid doing the immature action and tell them they are being a "mental midget". simple, not too offensive and usually right over the other kid's head.
    "Knowing is not enough, we must apply,willing is not enough, we must do" -Goethe

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    --Will Rogers

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  8. #8
    Hang 'Em High jetguy5150's Avatar
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    Drunk guy is being an idiot so a woman confronts him:

    "You are drunk!!!!"

    His response:

    "Yep...and you are UGLY....and in the morning "I" will be sober."
    Signature not currently available. You aren't missing much.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by jetguy5150 View Post
    Drunk guy is being an idiot so a woman confronts him:

    "You are drunk!!!!"

    His response:

    "Yep...and you are UGLY....and in the morning "I" will be sober."
    That's kinda like saying, "you're stupid, I'm fat, but I can always go on a diet"
    -nobody rules these streets at night but me-

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    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Overheard this one at a party eons ago....
    "Fucker's so stupid he could burn himself under water."
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

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    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

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    Baluchitherium
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    my usual comebacks/insults are along these lines...

    have you injected heroin into your face?!

    your face looks like i made it!

    f*ck off cu*tface!

    theres a ton more that i can only remember when im in a bad mood!
    http://www.facebook.com/Tommywho5150

    And with that I'm off to the kitchen to make myself a lesbian omelette...LLFHS in response to one of Graeme's post's


    "The anal beads may have scarred SNIC for life. That guy is tough as fucking nails!! No normal guy could take anal beads to the head and survive! "...OLO on SNIC's near death experience at TLW

    "I'm a 45-year-old man, and I still like to wear a thong or a speedo when I go swimming.
    Not because I have a great body, it's just an easy way to make sure I have the hotel swimming pool all to myself."...Bullwinkle for quite obvious reasons!

    "Dude, the cashier gave me the creepiest sneer when he rang up my unmentionables!"...Sassy Lassy during a Facebook conversation!

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk
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    Default

    DIF had a good one in the Obama thread:

    "If you were stone cold sober, then you're gayer than a sword duel between Richard Simmons and Liberace."

    I actually used that on someone this week, funny as hell
    "I respect that youre passionate about this but what your saying is complete idiocy..." - MF5150 on McDonald's "preying" on young kids.

    "He was born a human, he's a horse's ass by proxy." - It's Mike on Eddymon.

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    Good Enough T.RYAN's Avatar
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    That bitch is uglier then a bag of smashed assholes.
    No president puts joy in my life, but Van Halen puts joy in my ears.

    Never pet a burning dog.

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    Forum Frontman fudd's Avatar
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    Yo mama so fat the bitch jumped for joy and got stuck.

    Yo mama so fat your family went out to dinner, the waiter handed her a menu and she said OK.

    And my personal favorite:

    Atleast I didn't get fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

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    Gird your loins Daisy Hill's Avatar
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    you're mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.

 

 

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