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  1. #1
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    12.06.17 @ 07:59 PM
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    Give me some band advice!!!

    Hey guys - help me out here.

    So after years of playing in my bedroom and wanting to join a band and not knowing how, I finally get a change to play with a group in band for a theme night. We had to learn a few songs from a couple of bands in a couple of weeks and then play them to our friends and families at a pub. It all went pretty well.

    Now that is over, the guys want to get more serious and getting a comprehensive setlist together. So last night we have a practice. Now I've long since thought the leader (guitarist) is a tool. And last night he confirmed it for me.

    A control freak. I had the song list only one day and heís rolling his eyes when I donít know each change on every song. Pulls us up mid song and in his best patronising voice tells me in front of the others what I need to do and that I need to listen with my ears. Always telling me to turn down despite the fact that I canít hear myself at all, neither can the bass player hear me, meanwhile he is drowning us in volume. Iíll be in a solo (rare despite the fact Iím meant to share solo duties) and heíll yell at me to end it, yet he can solo for days towards the end of most songs and we catch it no problem.

    I mean I feel like just telling him to shove it but Iíve finally got what Iíve wanted. A place in a band which is serious about gigging. The setlist is getting more diverse and to my liking. But this guy has to be seen to be believed. I get spoken to like a 3 year old and the only reason I haven't beaten him to a pulp is this dream of being in a band which has alluded me for so long.

    I get the need for someone to take the lead as all bands need a driver. Its needed plain and simple but címon.

    Any advice or similar experiences?
    Her T-shirt ended early and her hot pants started late

  2. #2
    Romeo Delight lightemup55's Avatar
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    04.28.17 @ 05:51 AM
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    This is quite a common occurence my friend. I have been in a band for about 5 years now and we have managed to put out 2 cd's and even got our music played on some FM radio stations up here in Canada. With that said, our lead vocalist is very similar to your guitar player in terms of wanting to be the one to tell everyone what to do. My advice to you, from personal experience, is to not take that kind of shit from bandmates. There's a way to talk to people and everyone should be respected.

    If this guy is acting like this now, it's only gonna get worse with time. i find that in cases like this, someone has to say something before the band becomes a dictatorship. remember, going out and playing music is supossed to be fun, if you're not having fun to begin with, do you think that the sheer fact of playing in a band will compensate, I don't think so.

    What I would do is tell the guy that he shouldn't talk to you or any other member like you were 3 years old, you are all aldults, so everyone must be respected. secondly, let him know that a band is a cooperative of people, and not a one man show, if he wants to be a one man show, he should hire musicians an pay them to follow orders. I can also bet a whole lot of money that the other members of the band feel the same way as you do, but you guys are all affraid to say something for fear of breaking up the band. Don't be affraid to call the guy out, what's the worst thing that can happen, if everyone feels the same way, he might be forced to leave and you might end up with a better player and flat out cooler dude.

    The one thing that you can't let happen is to let the situation drag out to the point where this guy becomes a true dictator and begins replacing people in, what he will by then believe, is HIS band. Take care of the problem now, and if you have to leave the band, remember that there are many other musicians out there and you WILL find some cool people to play with soon enough, this guy is not the be all end all.

    Hope this helps.

    PS I have left my original band with the dictating singer and am now playing a a WAY better band with a lot more potential and industry interest. Don't be affraid.

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    06.07.15 @ 10:30 AM
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    If a light bulb in a table lamp burns out, you should check to make sure the lamp is getting electricity by removing the bulb, wetting your finger, and sticking it in the sock--ohhhh, band advice.
    Well then:

    Tell that guy to go fuck himself.

    Another thing you can do is arrange to have a practice or two with everybody else in the band but him. See how that goes. If you can help him realize that he's replaceable, he might fall into line. If he doesn't, take another look at the above paragraph.

    There's always a good gig out there. Keep looking until you find it. I have been privileged to work with some great, national level musicians and they are often very, very picky and can drive you up the wall, but you always realize that they're right. They're not just doing it for a power trip or to act like superstars.
    I've been in rehearsals where we work for an hour on one part of one song because the drummer is going badap instead of b-dap in the middle of a drum fill, which, in turn, is throwing off the attack of the bass note that goes with it. Stuff like that can make you want to kill the perfectionist s.o.b. who's running the show, but you have to acknowledge that he's right. He knows what he wants to hear and he won't stop until he hears it. That's one thing. It's totally different to have someone put you down just to build themselves up. Those people are best left behind as soon as possible.







    Don't read this.

  4. #4
    On Fire
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    04.11.13 @ 12:43 AM
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    Hey man sounds like he is just too full of himself. IF he is an average guitar player and you know he isnt the next EVH then he should chill or you should go find another band because there are lot of other guitar players out there that are average and cool to jam with. REMEMBER THAT PLAYING MUSIC SHOULD BE FUN .

  5. #5
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    12.06.17 @ 07:59 PM
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    Thanks guys. Great advice. Just called him to discuss and he claims he is just passing on his "years of experience" to me and didn't mean to be patronising. Says in the past he would have been way more direct - fucking cheek!! Acknowledges me as a novice and says I need to go through learning process about sound, volumes etc - that's all true but at the same time I'm a frigging grown up.

    Trouble is the band kind of is his already. I came in last to fill out sound. He picks the songs, he decides which song we're playing next etc etc. Personally I'd prefer to drop him on his arse and that wouldn't be a problem. Its just a shame that the drummer and bass player and singer are pretty cool people.

    I've got another guitar guy who is keen to hook up for a jam so maybe I'll do that instead and start my own band on a more even playing field where I can at least have input.
    Her T-shirt ended early and her hot pants started late

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 12:20 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullwinkle View Post
    If a light bulb in a table lamp burns out, you should check to make sure the lamp is getting electricity by removing the bulb, wetting your finger, and sticking it in the sock--ohhhh, band advice.
    Well then:

    Tell that guy to go fuck himself.

    Another thing you can do is arrange to have a practice or two with everybody else in the band but him. See how that goes. If you can help him realize that he's replaceable, he might fall into line. If he doesn't, take another look at the above paragraph.

    There's always a good gig out there. Keep looking until you find it. I have been privileged to work with some great, national level musicians and they are often very, very picky and can drive you up the wall, but you always realize that they're right. They're not just doing it for a power trip or to act like superstars.
    I've been in rehearsals where we work for an hour on one part of one song because the drummer is going badap instead of b-dap in the middle of a drum fill, which, in turn, is throwing off the attack of the bass note that goes with it. Stuff like that can make you want to kill the perfectionist s.o.b. who's running the show, but you have to acknowledge that he's right. He knows what he wants to hear and he won't stop until he hears it. That's one thing. It's totally different to have someone put you down just to build themselves up. Those people are best left behind as soon as possible.
    Can't disagree with this post.

    Good to see ya back Bullwinkle!
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  7. #7
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 07:55 AM
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    Just a couple thoughts on this.

    One of the first bands I was in, was with a chick singer (red flag right there). She was trained, she was arrogant, she had a big voice, blah blah blah. And of course the drummer and bass player wanted to F her, and the drummer was actually. So great situation right? So I don't make waves, I'm the last one to join the band like you. She's a bitch, I mean a total bitch. Do it this way, do it that way, don't wear this on stage, sing the backups like this, oh and don't play that color guitar. I am not kidding, she actually told me what color guitars I could play. I was writing all the music, she wrote all the lyrics, we butted heads on everything, and of course those two fools always backed her because one was banging her, and the other wanted to. Finally after about 2 years I just couldn't take it anymore, and I quit. Best thing I ever did.

    Joined the band I've been in for 10 after and it's a cooperative effort, a real band. We respect each other's talent, we give each other a hard time when necessary, but we don't patronize each other. And I don't care WHO you are playing with, if someone is going to treat you like that and won't change (and believe me they won't), then you walk. As bummed as you may be about leaving a band, let me tell you, there are plenty of fish in the sea as the saying goes. This guy sounds like a complete a-hole, even after you talked with him. So I can't imagine it's going to get better. He looks at you one way and that's not going to change, and he's a tool about it too. So as painful as it may be to leave, I think you really need to consider it. You WILL find a better situation.

    Just my two cents. I have been in your position before, not because I was a "green" band player, but because there was a controlling POS in the band that didn't want to hear from anyone else, because they feel they're the "talent."
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  8. #8
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullwinkle View Post
    If a light bulb in a table lamp burns out, you should check to make sure the lamp is getting electricity by removing the bulb, wetting your finger, and sticking it in the sock--ohhhh, band advice.
    Well then:

    Tell that guy to go fuck himself.

    Another thing you can do is arrange to have a practice or two with everybody else in the band but him. See how that goes. If you can help him realize that he's replaceable, he might fall into line. If he doesn't, take another look at the above paragraph.

    There's always a good gig out there. Keep looking until you find it. I have been privileged to work with some great, national level musicians and they are often very, very picky and can drive you up the wall, but you always realize that they're right. They're not just doing it for a power trip or to act like superstars.
    I've been in rehearsals where we work for an hour on one part of one song because the drummer is going badap instead of b-dap in the middle of a drum fill, which, in turn, is throwing off the attack of the bass note that goes with it. Stuff like that can make you want to kill the perfectionist s.o.b. who's running the show, but you have to acknowledge that he's right. He knows what he wants to hear and he won't stop until he hears it. That's one thing. It's totally different to have someone put you down just to build themselves up. Those people are best left behind as soon as possible.
    LOL! Right on. Couldn't have said it better myself. Remember you PLAY music, not WORK music. If it's not fun, fuck it - BAIL and don't think twice about it. There will ALWAYS be lots of other NICE folks to jam with...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
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  9. #9
    Good Enough SLEEPER5150's Avatar
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    12.03.10 @ 03:16 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by sixstring View Post
    LOL! Right on. Couldn't have said it better myself. Remember you PLAY music, not WORK music. If it's not fun, fuck it - BAIL and don't think twice about it. There will ALWAYS be lots of other NICE folks to jam with...
    +1. Been going through this myself with a singer which imho is not much better than 70's cocktail lounge fodder, but he thinks he's the shit. Unfortuneatly, I'm stuck with the knob muncher 'cause he's the brother in law of my drummer. I swear it's gonna end up an Oasis situation if I don't find another unit. This guy gives us song lists to work on for thursday jam sessions, so we bust our ass to get 'em down, then when we get together, he hacks thru most of 'em,badly and then pulls more tunes out of left field, and gets pissed that we don't know them perfect. This is very common. I'd do what Chef and the others said. Try to work with the other bandmates, and see how it goes. Don't take it to heart. I know it's easier said than done, but beleive me you are not alone.
    She looks so $#@!'n good ,so sexy and so frail....Somethin's got the bite on me, I'm goin' straight to Hell.

  10. #10
    Romeo Delight knarfO's Avatar
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    02.02.12 @ 10:18 PM
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    Default Better Gigs Await You

    Amen to all the advice above...

    Just a quick examination of the other side of the coin - how many other opportunities can you realistically expect to see that would equal your current band in terms of paid gigs, playing time, exposure to people in the business, etc... ?

    The only thing that would make me hang around an a-hole like your guitarist would be if his band was the only show in town, and it meant getting in front of a lot of people. I'd stick it out long enough to become friends w/ the other guys in the band, meet the people around town who book the gigs, and then boot his ass and carry on without him.

    At the end of the day, getting along w/ your bandmates is more important than them being the best musicians, IMO. Check out a similar opinion here:

    http://livemusiciancentral.com/2008/...-musicianship/


  11. #11
    Good Enough SLEEPER5150's Avatar
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    12.03.10 @ 03:16 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by digadam View Post
    Thanks guys. Great advice. Just called him to discuss and he claims he is just passing on his "years of experience" to me and didn't mean to be patronising. Says in the past he would have been way more direct - fucking cheek!! Acknowledges me as a novice and says I need to go through learning process about sound, volumes etc - that's all true but at the same time I'm a frigging grown up.

    Trouble is the band kind of is his already. I came in last to fill out sound. He picks the songs, he decides which song we're playing next etc etc. Personally I'd prefer to drop him on his arse and that wouldn't be a problem. Its just a shame that the drummer and bass player and singer are pretty cool people.

    I've got another guitar guy who is keen to hook up for a jam so maybe I'll do that instead and start my own band on a more even playing field where I can at least have input.
    Geez! I had to respond to this too. That patronizing attitude! It makes you want to kill does'nt it? I mean my guy is like that. He considers himself the consumate musician, and disses about everyone whos made a name for him or herself. It's like we'll be talking about local or international musicians that have a following or have "made it" as they say, and it's always "oh they cant play for shit" or if it was'nt for the producer they'd be just awful!" I've said to him outright "Heres the difference..... Iv'e heard of those people!" Just a sanctamonious A-hole. Isay after reading this...screw it! Do your own thing and check out some classifieds or post on Craiglist stating what you want to do and what your expectations are. As the other guys said, it's about having fun. The minute it becomes something you dread get the fuck out....or better yet throw his ass out. Good luck with whatever you decide. Lifes too short.
    She looks so $#@!'n good ,so sexy and so frail....Somethin's got the bite on me, I'm goin' straight to Hell.

  12. #12
    Baluchitherium
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    11.25.17 @ 04:30 AM
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    You have to resolve it soon. Be direct and reasonable. Don't be passive-aggressive. Don't be too diplomatic.

    "The shit I read on this site." -- Dave's Dreidel (Nov 6th, 2013)

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  13. #13
    Baluchitherium
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    11.25.17 @ 04:30 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by digadam View Post
    I've got another guitar guy who is keen to hook up for a jam so maybe I'll do that instead and start my own band on a more even playing field where I can at least have input.
    After all that, your suggestion is probably the best. Don't lose contact with those other three guys, though: they may leave that tool and start up with you.

    "The shit I read on this site." -- Dave's Dreidel (Nov 6th, 2013)

    "Don't ever confuse talent with fame." -- Bob Lefsetz

    "There's very little greatness in this world, but in the crucible of quality there's a special corner reserved for Van Halen." -- Bob Lefsetz

  14. #14
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    12.06.17 @ 07:59 PM
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    Hey guys you are the best. Fantastic views and points there. Thanks very much. Brett - loved the story about the girl and her requesting you play certain coloured guitars. That is priceless!!

    Forgot to mention something he said on the phone. He said in the past he'd come over and kick the other guys amp if it was too loud or starting tweaking their gear.

    He does exactly as someone else suggested - says heres 24 songs. learn em by tomorrow - then brings out alternative songs and expects eveyone to know them. I mean the drummer is awesome and can pick up anything. But a string man like me without perfect pitch and perfect ear training, can't just roll like that.

    I'm gonna ditch the band given that it really is his show and the others won't follow me. But call each of the other members and tell them I enjoyed working with them and would relish the chance to do so again sans the dickhead!

    I'll also hook up with with the other guy and have a jam and see where we go. Theoretically the odds of finding other band members are good given I live in Australia's 3rd largest city. Challenge is my age (37) with some circles I guess. But I'll get there.


    There is positives in every situation. Mine is I'ved learned 50 or so songs I didn't know before and my kids and partner got to see me play live which hadn't happened before.
    Thanks everyone!
    Her T-shirt ended early and her hot pants started late

  15. #15
    Baluchitherium
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    11.25.17 @ 04:30 AM
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    Good luck, man. Let us know how it turns out.

    "The shit I read on this site." -- Dave's Dreidel (Nov 6th, 2013)

    "Don't ever confuse talent with fame." -- Bob Lefsetz

    "There's very little greatness in this world, but in the crucible of quality there's a special corner reserved for Van Halen." -- Bob Lefsetz

 

 

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