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  1. #1
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    Default Raped & then eaten by animal Freaks...


    ************** How do you wanna Die or be Remembered? **************



    On Tuesday I completely restructured my Last Will and Testament... Ever since that Schiavo thing, I lose a little sleep.

    Now it Officially states: If I am to pass into the ether during my sojourn to The Old southern state, I wish the following rites to be observed:

    I am to have a MASSIVE daytime party with smoke of all kinds & kushes covering the room. My gallon bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label at my leftside.

    Then, enter my mother and father in their addidas leisure suits, but covered in bright sequins from head to toe. The rest of the family and webfriends will enter from stage left as my casket, lined in silver and blacklight bulbs flashing, comes from stage right on a series of titanium rollers and eases me near center floor.

    The thunderous bassline of the dance music will begin to deafen the rumble of background chatter.
    The lights will begin to flash wildly and I'll pop up and out of my casket dead with a permanent grin affixed on my face from the surgeons touch. My fingers will jolt into the air as a turntable deck rushes on stage in front of my lifeless body... strings attatched to my body parts flail me around to do a kinda endless running man, as the beat begins pumping bass through HUGE state of the art touring amps.

    I've arranged to pay out a large amount for the stunning beauties of VHLinks.com and others to come and actually dance for me under a personal choreographer... In their minds eye they will see that I truly am grand, and was the infinite well of passion, compassion and I still offer erotically pleasurable memories of satisfaction for not just them, but all you here to bathe in.

    The dancers will almost definitly elevate the entire room and the lights should begin to intensify to a glowing hot bubblegum pink.

    The skilled puppetmaster will move my limbs in a matter that make me spin some crazy assbeats and a rave ensues on the highly polished dancefloor.

    The dancers will all then move as one and begin to approach Eddie.

    At just that moment the lights dim to a pale lavender and the dancers must embrace one another and melt slowly to the floor as they simulatneously experience a fullness within their sacred walls which pushes each over the edge of passion and into the most intense and rythmic orgasm that they have ever experienced.

    After what will seem to be an eternity of pleasure, the crowd will look back Eddie Van Halens way, only to see that he is no longer there... just his near empty Johnny Walker bottle.

    Everyone leaves for the V.I.P afterparty with killer smiles forgetting who I was or maybe they didn't care in the first place.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    This guy's gotta be who I think he is, right?

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    What, no daytime public cremation?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk
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    Define dead because Van Halen has been dead to me since Mike left.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

    http://axxman300tool.blogspot.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/axxman300

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    He jumps!







    Don't read this.

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onefootoutthedoor View Post
    What, no daytime public cremation?
    That was awful.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    Well, at least he's moving up now. He only wants his dead body to be turned into a marionette. So he's got that going for him, which is good.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onefootoutthedoor View Post
    Well, at least he's moving up now. He only wants his dead body to be turned into a marionette. So he's got that going for him, which is good.
    <cough>

    You gotta love folks who imagine wildly crass ways to commemorate the loss of life.

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    Well I almost had the line right. Darn.


    So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 12:20 PM
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    I don't know who this guy is....but...he seems to me atleast...to be a tad.......what's the word.....FUCKED UP!
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  11. #11
    Sinner's Swing! InTheBeginning's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 05:17 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by onefootoutthedoor View Post
    Well I almost had the line right. Darn.

    So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
    It's in the hole!
    A little more volume in the headphones please.

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Gunga galunga. LOL!

    Still the second best comedy film of all time. Ted Knight's slow burn and Chevy's hipster dufus stands the test of time.

    Now back to wacky and disturbing sharing of postmortem intent.

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk WinterlessIceness's Avatar
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    07.05.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Van Halen View Post

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    Just to give you an idea of what a quality human being this guy is, here is a post of his from a few months back. He then went on to post pics of a "supposed" outdoor cremation for this alleged girl.



    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Van Halen
    We didnt hurt anybody and I apologize if I upset anyone here...

    This is something that shouldnt be written on a computer line. I now live alone, but Im using the public libraries internet service. I need to say this bothers me a bit... Out here at the state line my quiet Armenian Orthodox neighbors don't believe in western medicine, etc.

    Their bubbly, blue-eyed 4-year-old Amanda, who would always try to hide away at my house, when my daughters come in to town had developed a severe cough and mild fever last week.

    Long story short, the flu “bug” is going around and keeping her hydrated did not happen. Amanda began vomiting, but was still drinking little water. On the second day, Amanda had a grayish complexion. She had active asthma.

    On wednesday morning, her mum Sasha found her dead in her bed.

    Anyways, they refuse to involve the authorities due to their religious beliefs we must "dispose" of the remains above ground. The children are all home schooled and the state has no records.


    ( Yea.. i'm a music fan and I never write on a internt chat boards like this, Im not sure how this works. I thought I could just hit delete.If anyone knows how to delete this topic asap. I contacted the admin. )
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Baluchitherium
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    Look at me! Look at me! I do weird stuff for attention!

 

 

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