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  1. #1
    Baluchitherium
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    12.13.17 @ 02:13 AM
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    Default Man arrested for sex with picnic table

    http://www.fox19.com/Global/story.as...0&nav=menu63_2

    What's the world coming to when you can't get it on with your patio furniture in your own backyard? Nosey neighbors!

    "Come here you sexy thing.... you like it when I give you the umbrella don't you, you little vixen!"

    Forget "Spanked", Sam should write a song about this...

  2. #2
    Eruption Goldustgrl's Avatar
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    tough decision
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    "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

    DAMN!!! Hope he didn't get a splinter!!!
    Van Halen

    April 1978 Palladium, NYC
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    DLR June 2003 Westbury Music Fair, NY

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default

    he got wood...
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Gen. George S. Patton

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk WinterlessIceness's Avatar
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    Donor

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    Fucking hilarious people

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    03.07.10 @ 06:18 AM
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    "Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table."

    HUH? FOUR FUCKIN' TIMES in an HOUR AND A HALF! Who on Earth can possibly reload that fast, especially at the age of 40?
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium
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    12.13.17 @ 02:13 AM
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    Default

    I think there were like four separate days.... it says "the most recent instance took place March 14". So I'm guessing the others were on different days.

    Which of course means the neighbor saw it a few times... and videotaped it more than once. ("The first video we had..." etc.)

    He probably only reported it when his wife found the tape...

    "Your honor... I just paid off the bill for that table... I was celebrating!"

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Menlow's Avatar
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    06.14.17 @ 06:46 PM
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    "Honey, can you come bail me out? I was banging the table again."

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk BREW CREW's Avatar
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    08.27.17 @ 09:39 AM
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    Default

    Fuck that damn picnic table!

  9. #9
    Future's in the past....
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    11.03.17 @ 01:35 PM
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    Ok, this one I think has me scratching my head more than the guy getting his sack torn open. How mentally disturbed do you have to be to think its a good idea to get it on with your picnic table?

    Makes you wonder what he'd do to this...
    11/05/78 Hollywood Sportatorium
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    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BREW CREW View Post
    Fuck that damn picnic table!
    Next month in Popular Woodworking: "Sexy Results With Common Materials...Tables You Can't Resist!"

    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by VanHalenRules View Post
    Makes you wonder what he'd do to this...
    Is that Heather Mills?

  12. #12
    Baluchitherium
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    Default

    I guess his mother never told him "no playing at the table".

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    If he goes to prison will they stick him in the wood-working shop?
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

    http://axxman300tool.blogspot.com/

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  14. #14
    Forum Frontman Double Down's Avatar
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    11.17.17 @ 12:11 PM
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    Default

    All of a sudden fucking a glass full of Mac N Cheese doesn't sound so bad.



    Is there anything people won't stick their Johnson into?









    (I'll sit back and wait for the picture of Rosie O'Donnell to show up.)

    .
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    Last edited by Double Down; 03.28.08 at 06:37 PM.
    .
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    VH with Dave ('78-'84) - The best years....the "real" VH.
    VH with Sam ('86-'96) - Incredible era....."We have renamed this town 'New Halen!'.
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    VH with Wolf/Dave ('12-'15) - Amazing comeback. Smokin' album and tours.

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post
    "Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table."

    HUH? FOUR FUCKIN' TIMES in an HOUR AND A HALF! Who on Earth can possibly reload that fast, especially at the age of 40?
    Perhaps he was popping the little pressure-treated green pill !
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Gen. George S. Patton

 

 

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