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  1. #1
    Hot For Teacher
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Interesting read on VH from a few years ago. This dude has some serious issues with the VH boys.

    Sorry if this has been posted in the past. Thought we could divert all the Sam vs. Dave shit for a moment and go off on this guy! MO.

    P.S., found it when I was surfing the other day. Enjoy!
    __________________________________________________
    http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip.../2507/vh1.html

    Vox Populi

    They’d be so much better without vocals. Rather, that’s the only circumstance under which I’d ever consider buying one of their albums. As it is now, the only way I’d even consider having a cassette of them for my car is if I had all the CDs and could just tape Eddie’s various little “self-indulgent instrumentals” (as the stock phrase goes), along with one-minute snips of this or that guitar solo. Like the one good part in “Panama,” where he shifts gears, or a few splices from the intro to “Everybody Wants Some,” in the moments when Roth is checking the lyric sheet for his next spontaneous one-liner. Definitely a little of “1984” or, oh hell, whatever’s salvageable via a really quick pause button--unless or until the vocalist cuts in again to drive it all back into mediocrity, but I’d have faded the music judiciously some five seconds before allowing that to happen.

    I’ve never bothered, because to put together such a tape is a bigger chore than it’s worth. Although if someone ever bootlegs any of the hundreds of hours of real music Eddie reportedly does in his home studio (maybe twenty minutes worth of which has made it onto VH albums), I’d happily give a listen to that, just for the joy of hearing him live up to his true potential for once.

    It would be a public service of some kind (advancing the cause of musical literacy) for Eddie to put out a solo album--or ten--of his various synthesizer experiments and guitar suites. If we were really lucky he might do something hip, maybe even a cover version of Zappa’s Shut Up And Play Yer Guitar box. What I’d give to hear (or at least see) that! Or something like it. Anything that would cater to the musical snobs in his audience while alienating whomever was incapable of being educated among the moron element that yukked it up as Diamond Dave bragged about his conspicuous consumption of pussy. Since most of these guys were card-carrying members of the Great Army of the Un-Laid, what benefit could they have hoped to derive from hearing Dave’s exploits anyway? I’ve always wondered.

    These guys could get no more useful input from Roth than a famine victim would from a piece of plastic fruit, though at least the famine victim would have the common sense to hand it back rather than pay good money for the thing. It’d be different if Dave had branched off into a new career, maybe even his own infomercial hawking a series of Dr. D. L. Roth Teaches You the Secrets of Speed Seduction books/tapes/videos--he would then have some socially useful function (for the first time ever), but the idea never occurred to him. Like Elvis (Presley, not Costello) all those years before, he wound up in the lounges of Las Vegas, compounding his sins against rock and roll rather than making any effort to atone for them.

    As for Eddie? Well, one could say that he also has a lot to answer for (in terms of the hundreds of guitar players he influenced), though I guess it’s not ultimately Eddie’s fault, all those clowns in his wake playing classical arpeggios at 100 miles a minute and feeding it through the appropriate metal boxes to achieve the same “tone” because they were incapable of feeling a note of it. I guess it’s not his fault, but the end result was that Eddie Van Halen was an even more baneful influence on the concept of ‘commercial’ guitar playing in the 80s than someone like Eric Clapton ten years before. Or Hendrix, vis-a-vis everybody who used a wah-wah after him, not to mention an entire generation of white bluesmen epitomized by Stevie Ray.

    But what’s done is done, and in any case most of those 80s metal guitarists who (pied-piper-like) followed Eddie’s musical example lived to regret it. They wound up on food stamps with the rise of grunge. It was sudden, swift justice, and long overdue, and only the true dinosaurs survived. VH’s longevity can be attributed to--what? That Eddie was a rock and roll visionary, a genuine originator? Given what he originated and what it did to rock and roll for some years there, he should have been first in line for the Bargain Bin of No Return. What then, that Sammy Hagar is a nice guy and has no bad karma? They’ve fired him now, and yet the band plays on. But Van Halen never learn...they just went and hired yet another lead singer! *sigh*

    The coolest thing they’ve done in their whole career is what they did last year--namely, yanked David Lee Roth away from his fascinating engagement in Vegas (we used to kid about how he’d end up there, but we didn’t mean it!), under the supposition that they were going to give him his old job back. It turned out they only wanted him to sing a few new tunes to boost sales of the upcoming greatest hits album. After they got what they needed from him, they booted his sorry, balding, befuddled ass right back out again. Mr. Roth is not one of those people for whom one easily feels any sympathy, but a little pity is due in the end. And it should make for an even more gratifying sequence of events than we’ve already been expecting, when they *sigh* are inducted into the R&R Hall of Fame and have to all play together. As if they wanna!!

    The hippest thing Van Halen could possibly do at this stage of their career would be to pull a Jeff Beck and dispense with the “necessity” of having any such personage at midstage screaming the usual banalities. They wouldn’t make as much money? So what? There’d be one less person to pay, one less ego to stroke. They already have their slot in history. They will be making no more history as the years go by. When a band is this old and tired and has nothing left to prove, the only excuse for them to continue going out at all is to have fun. It’d be more fun for everybody concerned if the three of them would just cut the crap, rent a truck, book some clubs, show up and jam for whatever hardcore fans were still willing to come. (If they wished to avoid the inevitable Spinal Tap comparisons, they’d merely have to double-check to make certain they were the only puppet show on the bill.) Maybe they’d even pick up a few of the Deadheads who aren’t going to Phish nowadays. Half the Dead’s crowd toward the end were heavy metal kids who more or less hate music anyway--they only wanted an occasion to puke Jack Daniels in the parking lot, piss on your lawn and ruin everybody else’s good time. They belong at a Van Halen show, and surely Phish would concur.

    If the jamming got monotonous after awhile, there’s yet another trick Van Halen could pull--in fact, it would be the solution to the potential drop in ticket sales if they made a lottery of it. Namely, they could pick some atomic punk out of the audience and let him do the singing. What are you laughing at? Such luminaries as Pete Townshend and John Lydon have been known to do just that, if Townshend was too drunk or PiL’s crowd too ugly. Pete Seeger just strums away and lets the audience sing the songs; everybody knows his voice is shot and nobody cares, they only came out to see him anyway. So it’s not like it’s never been done. (And if it hadn’t, then for a real rock’n’roll band that would be the imperative to do it.) At least the punk would mean it up there. Could be me...could be you...in the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes--as the lead singer for Van Halen!

    Hey, I’m serious. In my opinion, this literally is the best thing Van Halen could do with their career, for their own good and for the good of society as well. Y’all screamed “no more welfare” for 20 years until Bill Clinton finally obliged, didn’t you? Well, this is what workfare is supposed to be all about: no more handouts. Let’s find some more creative ways to apply it. This band in its “glory” days never did give value for money--of all the albums they cut with Roth (the ones that established their reputation and on which they’ve been coasting ever since), not one of them clocks in over 34 minutes, and half of them are crammed with filler. I don’t mind because if somebody gets the bright idea to play one when I’m around I don’t have to suffer as long. But if I’d ever paid money for one of these things, I’d feel it was long overdue to settle the score. So--no more subsidizing these guys, just because they put out some platinum LPs twenty years ago. I’ve boycotted this band since the 70s. Write their management and tell them you’ll be doing the same until they fire their “vocalist” and return the power to the people.

    You’ll be doing them a favor. Years of easy living have eroded their self-esteem. Why do you think they used to trash all those hotel rooms? There was a stipulation in their contract that a) there must be M&Ms, and b) there must not be any brown M&Ms. If they found any brown M&Ms, they destroyed everything in the room, rendering it uninhabitable for at least a week.

    I used to find this kind of thing amusing. I certainly did my share (more than you can even imagine, bro), and have no regrets. I still do find it amusing, even admirable. In high school kids. Only in high school kids. When you see “grown men” carrying on in this manner well into their twenties if not thirties, the point comes where it’s merely pitiful. It can only mean one thing--these guys have been catered to, pandered to, sucked up, sucked off, chased, cheered, dazed, beered, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, dumbed down, numbed down--and egged on every step of the way by their adoring fans, dealers and sycophants. Is it any wonder their brains finally snap and (the usual result in post-humans) they commence to play power games, testing the bounds of reality and throwing a temper tantrum every time any such boundary to their monomania finally comes into view?

    All their fans who read about the M&M trashings (and 100 other anecdotes from 100 other crappy metal tours) in Circus and concluded that “this is the ultimate rock’n’roll party band!” were morons who never thought it through even though most of them had jobs in the service industry. They all had far more in common with the poor schlep who had to spend a week shampooing chocolate out of a shag rug than they were ever gonna have with the overgrown toddlers in the band. No matter how boring their own eatshitworksleep lives, the fans had no clue to the barren existence led by their rock’n’roll road warriors--so monotonous after 18 hours on the bus that when they finally pulled into a hotel they had to throw TV sets out the window to feel anything even vaguely akin to excitement.

    So boycott Van Halen, I say, until they let you in on their fun. Don’t spend another penny on them until they give you a fair shot at stepping onstage--you may have to wait until the first Nursing Home Tour in the year 2033, but that gives you a good 35 years to practice that hot clarinet solo in “Big Bad Bill Is Sweet William Now.” If ever there was a band who deserved to be sentenced to 35 years of community service, Van Halen is that band. Whether they know it or not, it’s for their own good and for their own self-respect, that they will at long last fill a useful function in this society. They’ll be able to look you in the eye once again and know they’re earning their keep. They’ll have a real job again--as a living, breathing, interactive karaoke machine.

    PS--I saw them in ’78. Mostly a matter of peer pressure, tho I have to be honest and say I had fun there--I was 15 feet away from Michael Anthony!! Huzzah. He acted like a schmuck--like all the guys in front of him looked like when they played Air Van Halen in the mirror. Roth was Roth. Eddie was Eddie. I’d rather be me.
    PPS--I got flamed for this review, and my reply was such that I never heard from the guy again. I won’t post that, though, not publicly. What I think of as harmless chucklehead-candy would come off as some grossly indulgent ego trip, the net equivalent of Dave Lee’s stage rap. Still, if you enjoyed the above and could do with a little more, drop me a line and I’ll point you to Part II.

    --melodylaughter--
    "Why behave in public if you're living on a playground?" Fools...<br /><br />LET'S GO RED WINGS!!! Ten time Stanley Cup Champions...

  2. #2
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    I hate to admit, but I agree with some of what this guy says. Come on folks, a lot of VH songs are cheesy. Eddie is definitely a world-class and innovative musician who is held back by the confines of his genre of music and the "let's get drunk and watch nascar" demographic which unfortunately seems to make up a large part of VH's fan base presently.

    I listen to VH for Eddie. Occasionally for Alex when the two play off of one another. He needs to just bust out and blow what he's capable of. Not some cheesy nod to the 80's (although I'm sure some of you LOVED it) like Fire in the Hole. It seems like a fair number of VH fans just want to listen to rehashed tunes from the Dave or Sammy years. Dave (although his era is my favorite) is irrelevant these days and a relic of the eighties. Sammy, while a nice guy, is a complete fucking cheese head. The mechanic's rock star -- generic cheese pop hard rock. I want to see more collaborations with sophisticated musical stylists. And while III may not have been the greatest VH album, Ed's guitar work and musicianship was better than anything he's ever done previously -- even Fair Warning, my personal favorite VH album. If you know anything about guitar and play yourself I would find it difficult to argue that point. My jaw drops whenever I hear some of his lines on that album -- his tone, lizardlike liquid licks, and phrasing are ridiculous.

    Flame away, but you know I'm right.

  3. #3
    Hot For Teacher
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Adding to that, I have said and will always say, Eddie sounded better...way better live during the III tour. Hands down. I don't know what was up but My God it sounded great. MO.
    "Why behave in public if you're living on a playground?" Fools...<br /><br />LET'S GO RED WINGS!!! Ten time Stanley Cup Champions...

  4. #4
    On Fire
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    For a guy that doesn't like VH, and won't buy their stuff, he seems to know a bit about their stuff.
    I've got the cure you're thinking of.<br />------------------<br />Remixed! Van Halen covers done by my band: <br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Dreams.mp3" target="_blank">Dreams</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Panama.mp3" target="_blank">Panama</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Unchained.mp3" target="_blank">Unchained</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/AtomicPunk.mp3" target="_blank">Atomic Punk</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/SomebodyGetMeADoctor.mp3" target="_blank">Somebody Get Me a Doctor</a><br /><br />NEW: Burning Tires and Dr. Love:<br /><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/HearAboutItLater.mp3" target="_blank">Hear About It Later</a>

  5. #5
    On Fire
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Originally posted by YouKnowWhatImean:
    I hate to admit, but I agree with some of what this guy says. Come on folks, a lot of VH songs are cheesy. Eddie is definitely a world-class and innovative musician who is held back by the confines of his genre of music and the "let's get drunk and watch nascar" demographic which unfortunately seems to make up a large part of VH's fan base presently.

    I listen to VH for Eddie. Occasionally for Alex when the two play off of one another. He needs to just bust out and blow what he's capable of. Not some cheesy nod to the 80's (although I'm sure some of you LOVED it) like Fire in the Hole. It seems like a fair number of VH fans just want to listen to rehashed tunes from the Dave or Sammy years. Dave (although his era is my favorite) is irrelevant these days and a relic of the eighties. Sammy, while a nice guy, is a complete fucking cheese head. The mechanic's rock star -- generic cheese pop hard rock. I want to see more collaborations with sophisticated musical stylists. And while III may not have been the greatest VH album, Ed's guitar work and musicianship was better than anything he's ever done previously -- even Fair Warning, my personal favorite VH album. If you know anything about guitar and play yourself I would find it difficult to argue that point. My jaw drops whenever I hear some of his lines on that album -- his tone, lizardlike liquid licks, and phrasing are ridiculous.

    Flame away, but you know I'm right.
    I play guitar, and I am neutral musically on III.

    Uninventive solos, poor arrangements on the album, but some good moments (Dirty Water Dog, and I know I'm in the minority, but From Afar and One I Want).

    But not really anything spectacular.
    I've got the cure you're thinking of.<br />------------------<br />Remixed! Van Halen covers done by my band: <br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Dreams.mp3" target="_blank">Dreams</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Panama.mp3" target="_blank">Panama</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/Unchained.mp3" target="_blank">Unchained</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/AtomicPunk.mp3" target="_blank">Atomic Punk</a><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/SomebodyGetMeADoctor.mp3" target="_blank">Somebody Get Me a Doctor</a><br /><br />NEW: Burning Tires and Dr. Love:<br /><br /><a href="http://miraclefingers.synaesoft.com/HearAboutItLater.mp3" target="_blank">Hear About It Later</a>

  6. #6
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    09.25.16 @ 08:41 AM
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    That was just a boring piece of drivel, I stopped reading after the first 200 paragraphs. Blah, blah with all the psuedo-intellectual analogies, what a bore. Like Dr. Love said, for someone who despises VH so much, he sure does know an AWFUL lot about them.
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  7. #7
    Banned!
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    02.18.11 @ 07:09 PM
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    hehehe!

    my thoughts exactly brett.

  8. #8
    Good Enough
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    05.28.08 @ 06:33 PM
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    Sounds very bitter doesn't he....I'm sure he's a brilliant songwriter, guitarist, and singer, and could easily make Ed and Co. sudder with fear....yeah right. Fuck 'em and feed 'em okra.
    Eat Us and Smile...yeah we're still around.

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  9. #9
    On Fire
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    Originally posted by MO Halen:
    Interesting read on VH from a few years ago. This dude has some serious issues with the VH boys.

    Sorry if this has been posted in the past. Thought we could divert all the Sam vs. Dave shit for a moment and go off on this guy! MO.

    P.S., found it when I was surfing the other day. Enjoy!
    __________________________________________________
    http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip.../2507/vh1.html

    Vox Populi

    They’d be so much better without vocals. Rather, that’s the only circumstance under which I’d ever consider buying one of their albums. As it is now, the only way I’d even consider having a cassette of them for my car is if I had all the CDs and could just tape Eddie’s various little “self-indulgent instrumentals” (as the stock phrase goes), along with one-minute snips of this or that guitar solo. Like the one good part in “Panama,” where he shifts gears, or a few splices from the intro to “Everybody Wants Some,” in the moments when Roth is checking the lyric sheet for his next spontaneous one-liner. Definitely a little of “1984” or, oh hell, whatever’s salvageable via a really quick pause button--unless or until the vocalist cuts in again to drive it all back into mediocrity, but I’d have faded the music judiciously some five seconds before allowing that to happen.

    I’ve never bothered, because to put together such a tape is a bigger chore than it’s worth. Although if someone ever bootlegs any of the hundreds of hours of real music Eddie reportedly does in his home studio (maybe twenty minutes worth of which has made it onto VH albums), I’d happily give a listen to that, just for the joy of hearing him live up to his true potential for once.

    It would be a public service of some kind (advancing the cause of musical literacy) for Eddie to put out a solo album--or ten--of his various synthesizer experiments and guitar suites. If we were really lucky he might do something hip, maybe even a cover version of Zappa’s Shut Up And Play Yer Guitar box. What I’d give to hear (or at least see) that! Or something like it. Anything that would cater to the musical snobs in his audience while alienating whomever was incapable of being educated among the moron element that yukked it up as Diamond Dave bragged about his conspicuous consumption of pussy. Since most of these guys were card-carrying members of the Great Army of the Un-Laid, what benefit could they have hoped to derive from hearing Dave’s exploits anyway? I’ve always wondered.

    These guys could get no more useful input from Roth than a famine victim would from a piece of plastic fruit, though at least the famine victim would have the common sense to hand it back rather than pay good money for the thing. It’d be different if Dave had branched off into a new career, maybe even his own infomercial hawking a series of Dr. D. L. Roth Teaches You the Secrets of Speed Seduction books/tapes/videos--he would then have some socially useful function (for the first time ever), but the idea never occurred to him. Like Elvis (Presley, not Costello) all those years before, he wound up in the lounges of Las Vegas, compounding his sins against rock and roll rather than making any effort to atone for them.

    As for Eddie? Well, one could say that he also has a lot to answer for (in terms of the hundreds of guitar players he influenced), though I guess it’s not ultimately Eddie’s fault, all those clowns in his wake playing classical arpeggios at 100 miles a minute and feeding it through the appropriate metal boxes to achieve the same “tone” because they were incapable of feeling a note of it. I guess it’s not his fault, but the end result was that Eddie Van Halen was an even more baneful influence on the concept of ‘commercial’ guitar playing in the 80s than someone like Eric Clapton ten years before. Or Hendrix, vis-a-vis everybody who used a wah-wah after him, not to mention an entire generation of white bluesmen epitomized by Stevie Ray.

    But what’s done is done, and in any case most of those 80s metal guitarists who (pied-piper-like) followed Eddie’s musical example lived to regret it. They wound up on food stamps with the rise of grunge. It was sudden, swift justice, and long overdue, and only the true dinosaurs survived. VH’s longevity can be attributed to--what? That Eddie was a rock and roll visionary, a genuine originator? Given what he originated and what it did to rock and roll for some years there, he should have been first in line for the Bargain Bin of No Return. What then, that Sammy Hagar is a nice guy and has no bad karma? They’ve fired him now, and yet the band plays on. But Van Halen never learn...they just went and hired yet another lead singer! *sigh*

    The coolest thing they’ve done in their whole career is what they did last year--namely, yanked David Lee Roth away from his fascinating engagement in Vegas (we used to kid about how he’d end up there, but we didn’t mean it!), under the supposition that they were going to give him his old job back. It turned out they only wanted him to sing a few new tunes to boost sales of the upcoming greatest hits album. After they got what they needed from him, they booted his sorry, balding, befuddled ass right back out again. Mr. Roth is not one of those people for whom one easily feels any sympathy, but a little pity is due in the end. And it should make for an even more gratifying sequence of events than we’ve already been expecting, when they *sigh* are inducted into the R&R Hall of Fame and have to all play together. As if they wanna!!

    The hippest thing Van Halen could possibly do at this stage of their career would be to pull a Jeff Beck and dispense with the “necessity” of having any such personage at midstage screaming the usual banalities. They wouldn’t make as much money? So what? There’d be one less person to pay, one less ego to stroke. They already have their slot in history. They will be making no more history as the years go by. When a band is this old and tired and has nothing left to prove, the only excuse for them to continue going out at all is to have fun. It’d be more fun for everybody concerned if the three of them would just cut the crap, rent a truck, book some clubs, show up and jam for whatever hardcore fans were still willing to come. (If they wished to avoid the inevitable Spinal Tap comparisons, they’d merely have to double-check to make certain they were the only puppet show on the bill.) Maybe they’d even pick up a few of the Deadheads who aren’t going to Phish nowadays. Half the Dead’s crowd toward the end were heavy metal kids who more or less hate music anyway--they only wanted an occasion to puke Jack Daniels in the parking lot, piss on your lawn and ruin everybody else’s good time. They belong at a Van Halen show, and surely Phish would concur.

    If the jamming got monotonous after awhile, there’s yet another trick Van Halen could pull--in fact, it would be the solution to the potential drop in ticket sales if they made a lottery of it. Namely, they could pick some atomic punk out of the audience and let him do the singing. What are you laughing at? Such luminaries as Pete Townshend and John Lydon have been known to do just that, if Townshend was too drunk or PiL’s crowd too ugly. Pete Seeger just strums away and lets the audience sing the songs; everybody knows his voice is shot and nobody cares, they only came out to see him anyway. So it’s not like it’s never been done. (And if it hadn’t, then for a real rock’n’roll band that would be the imperative to do it.) At least the punk would mean it up there. Could be me...could be you...in the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes--as the lead singer for Van Halen!

    Hey, I’m serious. In my opinion, this literally is the best thing Van Halen could do with their career, for their own good and for the good of society as well. Y’all screamed “no more welfare” for 20 years until Bill Clinton finally obliged, didn’t you? Well, this is what workfare is supposed to be all about: no more handouts. Let’s find some more creative ways to apply it. This band in its “glory” days never did give value for money--of all the albums they cut with Roth (the ones that established their reputation and on which they’ve been coasting ever since), not one of them clocks in over 34 minutes, and half of them are crammed with filler. I don’t mind because if somebody gets the bright idea to play one when I’m around I don’t have to suffer as long. But if I’d ever paid money for one of these things, I’d feel it was long overdue to settle the score. So--no more subsidizing these guys, just because they put out some platinum LPs twenty years ago. I’ve boycotted this band since the 70s. Write their management and tell them you’ll be doing the same until they fire their “vocalist” and return the power to the people.

    You’ll be doing them a favor. Years of easy living have eroded their self-esteem. Why do you think they used to trash all those hotel rooms? There was a stipulation in their contract that a) there must be M&Ms, and b) there must not be any brown M&Ms. If they found any brown M&Ms, they destroyed everything in the room, rendering it uninhabitable for at least a week.

    I used to find this kind of thing amusing. I certainly did my share (more than you can even imagine, bro), and have no regrets. I still do find it amusing, even admirable. In high school kids. Only in high school kids. When you see “grown men” carrying on in this manner well into their twenties if not thirties, the point comes where it’s merely pitiful. It can only mean one thing--these guys have been catered to, pandered to, sucked up, sucked off, chased, cheered, dazed, beered, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, dumbed down, numbed down--and egged on every step of the way by their adoring fans, dealers and sycophants. Is it any wonder their brains finally snap and (the usual result in post-humans) they commence to play power games, testing the bounds of reality and throwing a temper tantrum every time any such boundary to their monomania finally comes into view?

    All their fans who read about the M&M trashings (and 100 other anecdotes from 100 other crappy metal tours) in Circus and concluded that “this is the ultimate rock’n’roll party band!” were morons who never thought it through even though most of them had jobs in the service industry. They all had far more in common with the poor schlep who had to spend a week shampooing chocolate out of a shag rug than they were ever gonna have with the overgrown toddlers in the band. No matter how boring their own eatshitworksleep lives, the fans had no clue to the barren existence led by their rock’n’roll road warriors--so monotonous after 18 hours on the bus that when they finally pulled into a hotel they had to throw TV sets out the window to feel anything even vaguely akin to excitement.

    So boycott Van Halen, I say, until they let you in on their fun. Don’t spend another penny on them until they give you a fair shot at stepping onstage--you may have to wait until the first Nursing Home Tour in the year 2033, but that gives you a good 35 years to practice that hot clarinet solo in “Big Bad Bill Is Sweet William Now.” If ever there was a band who deserved to be sentenced to 35 years of community service, Van Halen is that band. Whether they know it or not, it’s for their own good and for their own self-respect, that they will at long last fill a useful function in this society. They’ll be able to look you in the eye once again and know they’re earning their keep. They’ll have a real job again--as a living, breathing, interactive karaoke machine.

    PS--I saw them in ’78. Mostly a matter of peer pressure, tho I have to be honest and say I had fun there--I was 15 feet away from Michael Anthony!! Huzzah. He acted like a schmuck--like all the guys in front of him looked like when they played Air Van Halen in the mirror. Roth was Roth. Eddie was Eddie. I’d rather be me.
    PPS--I got flamed for this review, and my reply was such that I never heard from the guy again. I won’t post that, though, not publicly. What I think of as harmless chucklehead-candy would come off as some grossly indulgent ego trip, the net equivalent of Dave Lee’s stage rap. Still, if you enjoyed the above and could do with a little more, drop me a line and I’ll point you to Part II.

    --melodylaughter--
    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

  10. #10
    Romeo Delight
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    I downloaded VH playing Seventh Seal live off the net, but it was a different mix and you could only hear Ed's guitar. Wow...that song has so much more impact w/o Sam and/or Dave's dribble.

    Singers are there for the simple minded..there for the average joe to be able to relate to something. Really, put the lyrics down on paper or listen to Dave scream and Sammy scream alone and you've got unreadable and unlistenable shit. Play VH's music instrumentally and you still got amazing music. Songs like Little Guitars wouldn't be pimped down to seniorita level....songs like Pleasure Dome would have benefited w/o a yelling freak who attempted to be deep.

    The writer of the above article is dead on. And it's a shame too. Unless VH decide to really step out and be different....they will forever be delegated to being just another rock band but with a really good guitarist. Dave and Sam have locked them into a realm of cheese and psuedo fun.

  11. #11
    5150
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    Donor

    Originally posted by a.f.u.:
    I downloaded VH playing Seventh Seal live off the net, but it was a different mix and you could only hear Ed's guitar. Wow...that song has so much more impact w/o Sam and/or Dave's dribble.

    Singers are there for the simple minded..there for the average joe to be able to relate to something. Really, put the lyrics down on paper or listen to Dave scream and Sammy scream alone and you've got unreadable and unlistenable shit. Play VH's music instrumentally and you still got amazing music. Songs like Little Guitars wouldn't be pimped down to seniorita level....songs like Pleasure Dome would have benefited w/o a yelling freak who attempted to be deep.

    The writer of the above article is dead on. And it's a shame too. Unless VH decide to really step out and be different....they will forever be delegated to being just another rock band but with a really good guitarist. Dave and Sam have locked them into a realm of cheese and psuedo fun.
    I respectfully disagree, on all levels [img]graemlins/irked.gif[/img] .
    WHAT IS UNDERSTOOD NEED NOT BE DISCUSSED!

  12. #12
    Romeo Delight
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    that's a surprise.

  13. #13
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    Donor

    Whatever that's supposed to mean a.f.u.....

    Sorry I don't agree w/ EVERYTHING posted on this website man, and that you are having a bad day.
    WHAT IS UNDERSTOOD NEED NOT BE DISCUSSED!

  14. #14
    Good Enough THE MARD's Avatar
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    I agree w/ Brett... I enjoyed the Roth bashing, but after the first couple of paragraphs I just started to flip thru it... Once again, another know-it-all-don't-really-know-shit...
    *yawn*
    [img]redface.gif[/img]
    "Keep honking buddy. I'm reloading..." -The Mard

    "......HEY!.............alright............." -BIG FOOT

    " I know what you're thinking: "Do I want to watch Mard? We know that horses were very strong and could actually stop airplanes from flying away. The ones made out of stone called "statues" -- occasionally came to life and rode off is a colonial cliche. How many more times do we need to hear about how the oppressive Raj's wore villainous black capes, crafted cunning plastic masks to impersonate people, and drained all the blood from their slaves so they could keep the fluid in bottles in their dungeons? I mean, YAWN!

    But if you're willing to sit through this dry sort of historical drama one more time -- or even just this dry historical review -- you will not be disappointed. In fact, some of you might just learn something they didn't teach you in school!-
    MARD-The Movie

  15. #15
    Good Enough ebmm_axis's Avatar
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    Donor

    Originally posted by THE MARD:
    I agree w/ Brett... I enjoyed the Roth bashing, but after the first couple of paragraphs I just started to flip thru it... Once again, another know-it-all-don't-really-know-shit...
    *yawn*
    [img]redface.gif[/img]
    AMEN! Man, that post is MUCH too long and exagerated on a subject that is deader than a doorknob!!!
    You can lead a horse to water, but that still won't make him a duck!

 

 

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