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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default Marriage: It's Only Going to Get Worse

    If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.

    The same trend was not found for relationships with children or friends.

    The study results could be a consequence of accumulated contact with a spouse, such that the nitpicking or frequent demands that once triggered just a mild chafe develops into a major pain. But accumulated irritation has its silver lining.

    "As we age and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could be that we're more able to express ourselves to each other," said lead study author Kira Birditt, a research fellow at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research. "In other words, it's possible that negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include a great deal of daily contact."

    Rather than breeding unhappy couples and ill health, the increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships.

    "Because we found that pattern was overall among the participants, it appears to be normative. It's not something unusual that happens," Birditt said.

    Relationship report

    Birditt and U-M colleagues Lisa Jackey and Toni Antonucci looked at how negative views of spouses, friends and children changed over time and among different age groups, including young adults (ages 20 to 39), middle-aged adults (40 to 59) and older adults (60 and over).

    The researchers analyzed responses collected in 1992 and 2005 as part of the Social Relations and Health Over the Life Course study, a regionally representative sample of people from the greater Detroit metropolitan area.

    More than 800 individuals indicated the level of negativity in relationships with their spouses or partners, children and best friends. Participants also noted whether or not their responses referred to the same spouse, child and friend during the 2005 interviews.

    Each participant rated how strongly they agreed or disagreed with two statements:

    "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) gets on my nerves." "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) makes too many demands on me."

    Irksome partners

    In all age groups, individuals reported viewing their spouse as the most negative compared with children and friends. The negative view of spouses tended to increase over time.

    "We were surprised because in the gerontological research, it suggests that as people age they get better at regulating their emotions and experience less negative relationships," Birditt told LiveScience. "But we found that it depends on which relationship you're looking at."

    As relationships with spouses became more negative, relationships with children and friends seemed to become less demanding and irritating over time. Negativity toward friends decreases over time partially because we can continuously choose and weed our friends, ditching those pals who are irritating, according to the researchers.

    "Relationships with children may become less negative because of role changes as children move through adolescence and young adulthood, grow and mature, usually becoming more stable and independent," Birditt explained. Kids moving out didn't seem to impact spousal negativity, however, as the researchers found the same trend for spouses irrespective of the age group.

    Participants in their 20s and 30s reported having the most negative relationships overall. Older adults had the least negative relationships with spouses, children and friends. Past research by Birditt and others has shown that older adults are more likely to report less conflict in their relationships compared with younger adults.

    "Older adults are more likely than younger people to report that they try to deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations, rather than by discussing problems," Birditt said.

    In general, the longer partners stay together, the more they have to deal with the other's idiosyncrasies, for instance. "When you’re living together, it’s a lot harder to avoid each other," Birditt said.

    The research was presented in November at an annual meeting of the Gerontological Society of America, and it has also been submitted to a journal for publication.
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Uhhh...without having laid eyes on this article, I pretty much posted the same damned thing here at 12:47 this afternoon...

    http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/show...0&postcount=77
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post
    Uhhh...without having laid eyes on this article, I pretty much posted the same damned thing here at 12:47 this afternoon...

    http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/show...0&postcount=77
    LMAO...
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk WinterlessIceness's Avatar
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    07.05.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    The next research is going to prove the sky is blue.

  5. #5
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    Research shows that farts really do stink.
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    True.
    But the older I get, the more I find everybody irritating.







    Don't read this.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    Did you all know that high heels are sexy?
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

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  8. #8
    Top Of The World thebrownboys's Avatar
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    My research shows that I've earned the right to be a crotchety old bastard and finally tell people how I've felt all these years.

    Is there any grant $ available for more research???

  9. #9
    Baluchitherium loveevhsince79's Avatar
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    This is the advice I give to anyone thinking about getting married. DO NOT look at their good traits since anyone can admire someone who is thoughtful, considerate, brings you flowers, etc, etc. Look at the little things that actually bother you about the person because those traits will only get worse and you have to ask yourself if you can live with it 20 yrs down the road.

  10. #10
    Good Enough Ace Ventura's Avatar
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    Let me add my little piece of advice here…

    Do people really NEED to be married? (And, I know ALL the arguments… Tax breaks, etc…) But do you really need to sign a contract with the state in order to prove that you are in love with and are committed to another person? I am in the best relationship of my life right now with a woman who is twice divorced with two kids. I also have two kids from my former marriage and we are now expecting another between us. We have decided, for better or worse, that we really don’t need to get married right away. I love her madly and consider her my wife. We even wear rings. I’m sure to some people that may sound completely crazy but it works for us. I’m certain that we are both a little gun-shy about marriage for obvious reasons. But that doesn’t mean that we need to have official documentation filed through some court to say that we love each other…

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  11. #11
    Baluchitherium
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    12.13.17 @ 02:13 AM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sickman View Post
    Research shows that farts really do stink.
    Doesn't everyone enjoy their own brand?
    Posted from yo' mama's house.


  12. #12
    Atomic Punk WinterlessIceness's Avatar
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    07.05.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ace Ventura View Post
    Let me add my little piece of advice here…

    Do people really NEED to be married? (And, I know ALL the arguments… Tax breaks, etc…) But do you really need to sign a contract with the state in order to prove that you are in love with and are committed to another person? I am in the best relationship of my life right now with a woman who is twice divorced with two kids. I also have two kids from my former marriage and we are now expecting another between us. We have decided, for better or worse, that we really don’t need to get married right away. I love her madly and consider her my wife. We even wear rings. I’m sure to some people that may sound completely crazy but it works for us. I’m certain that we are both a little gun-shy about marriage for obvious reasons. But that doesn’t mean that we need to have official documentation filed through some court to say that we love each other…

    Thoughts?
    Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings, King Kong) and Fran Walsh have been together for like over 20 years, have kids and are not married. I suppose you've got a valid point.

    Quote Originally Posted by loveevhsince79 View Post
    This is the advice I give to anyone thinking about getting married. DO NOT look at their good traits since anyone can admire someone who is thoughtful, considerate, brings you flowers, etc, etc. Look at the little things that actually bother you about the person because those traits will only get worse and you have to ask yourself if you can live with it 20 yrs down the road.
    I suppose, but I also guess there are such rare perfect matches when there are no little things at all. Me and my fiancee for example.
    Or maybe I'm just not noticing it yet, haha.

  13. #13
    Sinner's Swing! Darkstar's Avatar
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    12.04.14 @ 11:23 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace Ventura View Post
    Let me add my little piece of advice here…

    Do people really NEED to be married? (And, I know ALL the arguments… Tax breaks, etc…) But do you really need to sign a contract with the state in order to prove that you are in love with and are committed to another person? I am in the best relationship of my life right now with a woman who is twice divorced with two kids. I also have two kids from my former marriage and we are now expecting another between us. We have decided, for better or worse, that we really don’t need to get married right away. I love her madly and consider her my wife. We even wear rings. I’m sure to some people that may sound completely crazy but it works for us. I’m certain that we are both a little gun-shy about marriage for obvious reasons. But that doesn’t mean that we need to have official documentation filed through some court to say that we love each other…

    Thoughts?
    I'd say you're probably one of the smartest guys around!
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  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing!
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    11.16.12 @ 10:28 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace Ventura View Post
    Do people really NEED to be married?
    nope.


    it's too bad people who don't want to get married or have kids feel like they have to defend their position. I mean, why do people care?

    and people who don't want gays to get married. I'll never get that in a million years. Live and let live, for God's sake.
    Last edited by eden; 02.06.08 at 07:44 PM.
    .

    .
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    "Edward?.....thank ya." ~ Could This Be Magic

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  15. #15
    Sinner's Swing!
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    I’ll offer a philosophical angle to this. I’ve been with my wife 16 years. There is no one on God’s green earth that can piss me off more than she can. This doesn’t take away from the fact that she is still my best friend in this life and I love her dearly. Certainly, the aggravation level coincides with the familiarity level. The ole “ knowing which buttons to push” and all. However, I’ve realized that much of what pisses me off with her and anyone I deal with in my life has as much to do with me recognizing a shortcoming in myself that irks me. Not always but much of the time. When my cooler nature prevails, I take a look at my own actions/reactions as well as hers to get to the bottom of the reason why I’m pissed. Usually, the small crap is my own emotions coming out “sideways” because I’m tired, had a bad day, whatever.

    Too be sure, there are plenty of times when she has set me off and I had a valid reason to be pissed. But that works both ways. The good days still far outweigh the bad.

 

 

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