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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    The "Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions" Thread...

    I dunno...it appears that through either the rapidly expanding nature of political correctness or a rather mind numbingly pathetic, overtly sensitive "thin-skinned-ness", we as a nation are developing into a shockingly chaste bunch of pansies. Simply read the headlines of the past few weeks for evidence of this alarming trend. The overwhelming posture of our citizenry as of late appears to be one of blatant stupidity.

    To combat this surge toward banality, there is but one weapon we all possess: the gift of sarcasm. Yes, a finely developed, sharply intuitive sense of sarcasm is a sure sign of wit and intelligence, and in light of the above paragraph's testimony, it is sorely needed now more than ever.

    When I was a kid, MAD Magazine had a semi-monthly feature called "Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions". In a nutshell, someone would offer a rather stupid observation, and one was offered a multiple selection of choice responses, or "come-backs" used to not only point out this profound lack of thinking, yet also make certain that the person who initially gave forth the idiocy never forgot it.

    The reason I've started this thread is as follows...this morning, as I was working in my front yard I stopped for a cigarette break. Walking along the sidewalk where I was toiling, a particularly overweight and somewhat grotesque woman was walking her dog and daughter (no, they were not one and the same). As this "creature" was going past me, she uttered this phrase to her child, while offering me a most scornful, disapproving look:

    "Remember this, dear...SMOKING will kill you!"

    Well, that overlooked "sarcasm-gene" kicked into use in my cranium, as I offered her this rejoinder:

    "Yeah...so will OBESITY"

    As stated in those credit card commercials, the look on her face? Priceless.

    So anyway, I feel that this would be as fine a place as any for folks to contribute their own occurences of momentary profundity-those "far too few" instances in one's daily struggle when one's sparkling wit outshone and triumphed over the demoralizing cluelessness of one's peers.

    So...whaddya got?

    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 04:54 PM
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    A "somewhat grotesque woman" .....I think...that is... HILARIOUS....one of a kind Chef...one of a kind
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Reminds me of an old Drew Carey HBO special in which he was relaying the story of sitting down to a cheeseburger when some nosy broad in the restaurant informs him how terrible red meat is.

    His answer? "Safety Nazi - FUCK OFF!!"

    Yes....that Drew Carey.
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  4. #4
    Baluchitherium Ted Van Halen's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:24 PM
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    I also enjoy & appreciate the weapon of sarcasm. Mine is not all that well honed though so I typically just come across as being an ass instead of witty & intelligent. Doesn't bother me since I'm surrounded by idiots anyway. 'Cept for you guys. Just look at my sig.
    -TVH-


    If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. -Thomas Paine


    What is government itself but the greatest of all reflections on human nature? - James Madison


    Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Hear, hear Chef. (or is it here, here Chef, no I believe I was right the first time as it's said in meetings for one to hear? OK Google is my friend, I will look it up later.)

    Sarcasm has always been my friend, in fact one of my best friends. Since, obviously, my mind is foggy I can't think of a single example now. But I promise that, by the end of this day, I shall come up with at least one, hot off the press.
    Mr. Horseradish courtesy of the International Horseradish Council and Brett.

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium sisca's Avatar
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    "is a five pound robin fat?"
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    The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!


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    " SHUT UP, FAGGOT." - Vinnie Velvet, showing off that sharp wit of his.

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    Originally posted by FORD
    History tells us that oppressive nations build walls to keep people IN, not out.
    (See "Berlin Wall" and "Likud Israel" for examples) FORD- when i told him i'd build a wall between the US and Mexico.

    then ill build it from the mexican side. -my reply.

  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post

    "Remember this, dear...SMOKING will kill you!"

    Well, that overlooked "sarcasm-gene" kicked into use in my cranium, as I offered her this rejoinder:

    "Yeah...so will OBESITY"
    Funny, but not really sarcastic.

    "Yeah...so will ANOREXIA" would be sarcasm.
    Delusions of eloquence

  8. #8
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    06.07.15 @ 10:30 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post

    "Remember this, dear...SMOKING will kill you!"

    If I remember correctly, Al Jaffee would offer three options of comebacks, so here goes:

    1. "So you're the one. Well you'd better give me a lot of money or I'll light another one."

    2. "Yes, but quitting makes you healthier. I figure if I keep quitting every night, I'll live forever."

    3. Yes, but how else am I going to get my recommended daily allowance of tar?"







    Don't read this.

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    I've still got one of those paperbacks here somewhere. I love the drawings of the people asking the idiotic questions. Awesome!

    Alfred da man! I'd vote for him any time.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  10. #10
    Baluchitherium mistere's Avatar
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    07.11.09 @ 03:27 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by smithjc View Post
    Alfred da man! I'd vote for him any time.
    He has a show on CBS. It's called Late Night With David Letterman.
    I would vote for Dave too.

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tap1966 View Post
    Funny, but not really sarcastic.

    "Yeah...so will ANOREXIA" would be sarcasm.
    Gee, thanks...now why don't you start your own thread, Mr. Wikipedia?
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk
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    Mad magazine was the finest publication in general circulation for over a generation...wow...check that out...three words that end in -tion.

    I loved snappy answers...

    how did the self-righteous bitch react to your comment?

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by broken9500 View Post
    ...how did the self-righteous bitch react to your comment?
    Better than I could have wished: Silently, far too shocked and exasperated to utter a word: Her eyes bugged out, sweat appeared to bead on her forehead, she began to shiver uncontrollably about the neck and shoulders, turning the shade of red often seen in a Tequila Sunrise cocktail. She yanked the dog's leash with one hand, spinning him about 180 degrees while digging her nails into her daughter's arm with the other hand, dragging both along as she more or less wobbled on her way, picking up speed like a badly overburdened locomotive.

    This sight, when taken in tandem with the splendid weather conditions of the day, made the entire experience quite rewarding.
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing!
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    My father used to collect Mad magazines, he had all of them including the first issue. He had them in a closet down in the basement with his Playboys. I used to sneak down and read both (What can I say, I'm an avid reader.) When he died, I went down to that closet and they were gone. I asked my mother where they were and she said, "Oh they were just collecting dust, so I threw them out ".

    I did manage to salvage a few issues of a like magazine (to Mad not Playboy) called, "Help," which, though it appears to be from the same era and is also a satirical magazine, I know nothing about. Anybody ever hear of it?

    Chef, I'm really sorry to have hijacked the thread with this post but I've been wondering about this for six years.

    I will try to make my next post sarcastic.
    Mr. Horseradish courtesy of the International Horseradish Council and Brett.

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk Menlow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yesterdays View Post
    My father used to collect Mad magazines, he had all of them including the first issue. He had them in a closet down in the basement with his Playboys. I used to sneak down and read both (What can I say, I'm an avid reader.) When he died, I went down to that closet and they were gone. I asked my mother where they were and she said, "Oh they were just collecting dust, so I threw them out ".

    I did manage to salvage a few issues of a like magazine (to Mad not Playboy) called, "Help," which, though it appears to be from the same era and is also a satirical magazine, I know nothing about. Anybody ever hear of it?

    Chef, I'm really sorry to have hijacked the thread with this post but I've been wondering about this for six years.

    I will try to make my next post sarcastic.


    Wikipedia is your friend.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Help%21_%28magazine%29

 

 

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