Thread: A Buddy Sent Me This
01.24.08, 04:37 PM #1
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A Buddy Sent Me This
I didn't know where else to post it, so I thought it would be fun to start a thread about. The "Rules of The State." Post a list of the funny "rules" of your state. Not ACTUAL laws; but ones that get passed along in MySpace, email, Facebook type deals. Have fun...Here's the 1st edition of "The Rules of Iowa."
THE RULES OF IOWA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-35 and I-29 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So what if every person in Iowa waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that @#$*! cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 doe's are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a @#$*! truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Packers and the Patriots, and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education AND they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1..
20. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This isn't Alaska, worst case scenario; you may have to live a whole day without fresh bagels. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day."Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)
"Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13
"Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)
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