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  1. #1
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.09.03
    Age
    47
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    EyeOhWuh
    Posts
    6,794
    Favorite VH Album

    The 1 that had that 1 song
    Favorite VH Song

    Runaround, MWM, MAM
    Last Online

    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    Liked 9 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Man Tries Fake Penis To Thwart Urine Test

    This is from the Quad Cities Times, where I live. I'll highlight the funniest line in this story, made by the Sheriff's Deputy.

    The scary part about it, is that he atually put some time and effort in to this plan. Sick Genius?? or major Dumbass??

    By Dustin Lemmon | Tuesday, January 15, 2008

    Some inventions are not successful, and such was the case for a Moline man who allegedly tried to use a contraption with a fake penis and packaged urine to foil a drug and alcohol screen Monday.

    Jason R. Hillyer, 32, was charged Tuesday in Rock Island County Circuit Court with unlawful defrauding an alcohol and drug screening test. The incident occurred while he was giving a sample to the county probation department.

    Hillyer allegedly had the device strapped to his body with a tube extending from the fake penis to a package of urine wrapped in hand warmers, said Sgt. Steven VanHuizen of the Rock Island County Sheriff’s Department.

    “He was trying to make it look like he was giving a good sample,” VanHuizen said.

    Attempts to foil the tests are not unusual, the sergeant noted, but this case was unique.

    “There are different ways that they try to give samples,” VanHuizen said. “Some of them are a little more extreme. He was going to great lengths to try and cover his up.”

    Hillyer made his first court appearance on the charge Tuesday. Bond was set at $20,000, and Hillyer remained in custody Tuesday morning.





    I wonder if the probation violation evidence will "stand up in court?" Or if it's just a flacid attempt at keeping the boy down?? Do you think it'll end up in a "hung jury?" I wonder if his attorney will be Johnny Cochran? It'd be best if the judge just issues him a "gag order."

    OK, that's all I have. NEXT...
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


    http://www.facebook.com/RedRockinMonkeyBoy

    CHILDREN OF "THE FOOT" UNITE

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    03.07.10 @ 06:18 AM
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    Hardly a new plan. In fact, there is a device on the market that features...ehem, ethnic variations.

    Not exactly work safe, so use caution when browsing the site.

    http://www.thewhizzinator.com/

    An NFL player was busted attempting to use this very product recently.
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.21.03
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    52
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    Mound Valley, Kansas
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    9,045
    Favorite VH Album

    5150, Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Dance The Night Away, Dreams
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    12.14.17 @ 03:26 PM
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    Liked 30 Times in 10 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post
    Hardly a new plan. In fact, there is a device on the market that features...ehem, ethnic variations.

    Not exactly work safe, so use caution when browsing the site.

    http://www.thewhizzinator.com/

    An NFL player was busted attempting to use this very product recently.
    Yeah, the SOD (Steal of the Draft), former Viking, and still a dumbass, Onterrio Smith. The guy was an extremely talented Running Back too. File him in the Lawrence Phillips/Ricky Williams folder.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

 

 

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