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  1. #1
    Romeo Delight
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    08.13.09 @ 01:54 PM
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    Default friend with breast cancer

    hey guys. need some advice.

    my best friends wife is 32 and was just diagnosed with breast cancer. she's having a double masectomy and is going to get treated with chemo and radiation. we don't know how serious it is for sure yet but they're taking these drastic measures as somewhat of a precautionary means being that it is so prominent in her family and that she's so young.

    i can't imagine what they're going through. they have three young children. the four of us (me and my wife and them) have been best friends for over 15 years.

    i'm curious if anyone here has any first or second hand experience with this type of situation. i ask because we simply don't know how to help and drastically want to.

    i don't want to tell them the standard type stuff, i.e. we'll pray for you, we'll bring food over, we'll watch the kids. we'll certainly do that but the bottom line is we're at a loss as to how to help.

    so if you do indeed have experience with this, do you want this kind of help? do you want company over? do you want time with your husband (i.e. we'll watch the kids).

    any advice would be much obliged.

    jay

  2. #2
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 10:54 AM
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    Default

    My thoughts and prayers go out to these people. WHat a horrible thing to go through.
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    And thats about what its worth.

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! graeme's Avatar
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    11.19.17 @ 09:41 AM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by the insider View Post
    hey guys. need some advice.

    my best friends wife is 32 and was just diagnosed with breast cancer. she's having a double masectomy and is going to get treated with chemo and radiation. we don't know how serious it is for sure yet but they're taking these drastic measures as somewhat of a precautionary means being that it is so prominent in her family and that she's so young.

    i can't imagine what they're going through. they have three young children. the four of us (me and my wife and them) have been best friends for over 15 years.

    i'm curious if anyone here has any first or second hand experience with this type of situation. i ask because we simply don't know how to help and drastically want to.

    i don't want to tell them the standard type stuff, i.e. we'll pray for you, we'll bring food over, we'll watch the kids. we'll certainly do that but the bottom line is we're at a loss as to how to help.

    so if you do indeed have experience with this, do you want this kind of help? do you want company over? do you want time with your husband (i.e. we'll watch the kids).

    any advice would be much obliged.

    jay
    I've been in similar, not identical, situations.

    You say you've been friends for years. There's your answer i think. Ask them how you can help.

    Just ask.

    Offer your help unconditionally (as much as is possible) and tell them you are there for them, whenever they need you, even if they don't think they do.

    Just to know this will be of support to your friends.

    I hope things turn out ok for them.
    A man could lose himself in a country like this.

    My blog at http://tollins.blogspot.de/

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Donor

    Default

    Had to find out that the mother of a close friend from high school had passed from breast cancer in the years since I had been away from my home town. Of course my heart was shattered as she was one of the sweetest ladies I knew. She was our school receptionist since since I was 12.

    Anyway, it's pretty close to the wire as far as gift shopping goes, but I thought I'd pass along this link anyway.

    http://cms.komen.org/komen/Partners/...artners/011536

    You can buy these special gift cards (got four myself) that will donate 1.00 per card to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation. You can buy them in person at the Customer Information booth if you have a Simon Mall in your town.

    Merry Christmas everyone.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  5. #5
    Forum Frontman Double Down's Avatar
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    11.17.17 @ 12:11 PM
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    Default

    My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 weeks ago. It came as a real blow to my family and really put the fear of god in all of us. She was diagnosed with aggressive stage 2 breast cancer. However, in the past couple of weeks she's gone through extensive testing and thankfully she caught it early on even though it came out of nowhere and moving fast. She underwent her first chemo this past Thursday and is on a plan of 14 months of chemo and radiation. We're blessed to live 30 minutes from Boston where she is literally receiving the best care in the world from some amazing doctors.

    I can tell you that she has received an awesome amount of support from family and friends and she loves getting it. She's had a lot of company over the house and she says it's meant the world to her. She's been very scared about this whole thing but fortunately I have a very close family and my sister has tons of friends. There isn't anyone who doesn't love her to death. She's an incredible person.

    So my advice? Spend time with your friends and check in regularly. They need to know they're not alone in this battle and the simplest time that you give them will mean the world to them. I wish them the best.
    .
    .
    .
    VH with Dave ('78-'84) - The best years....the "real" VH.
    VH with Sam ('86-'96) - Incredible era....."We have renamed this town 'New Halen!'.
    VH with Gary ('98) - Fucking disaster. WTF was that??
    VH with Wolf/Dave ('12-'15) - Amazing comeback. Smokin' album and tours.

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium loveevhsince79's Avatar
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    10.23.15 @ 04:49 PM
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    Default

    Just listen for ways to help and sort of take the lead. Even though you don't want to just do the standard stuff, to a woman, making sure her house is maintained and the kids are taken care of is the most important thing. If you know there are upcoming appointments, make plans for the kids to come over to play ahead of time so they aren't worried about it. If she is weak from treatment, take dinner over for both of your families to enjoy and have some laughs which might lift her spirits as well. People can have a hard time asking for help so when possible, just jump in. It's really the everyday chores being taken care of which are the most appreciated. I mean, who wants to see dirty dishes piling up in the sink and feel too tired to do anything about it? It is demoralizing.

  7. #7
    Romeo Delight
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    08.13.09 @ 01:54 PM
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    Default

    thanks guys. as usual, awesome posts.

  8. #8
    Unchained mojavebassman's Avatar
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    07.28.13 @ 01:39 PM
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    Default

    My prayers are with your friend. I hope the best for her. A friend's dad is battling cancer and she set up a web page through "Caring Bridge" to keep people updated on his fight. Maybe something along those lines so people can post words of encouragement would be nice.

    My mom is going in for a biopsy this Thursday. A couple of weeks ago doctors found something on her left breast. We're hopeful it's only a cyst but we'll know more this week. It certainly makes me reflect on how wonderful moms are and how much they do for their children.

  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing!
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    07.01.10 @ 06:21 AM
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    Default

    My friends wife was 28 when she developed breast cancer. She had both breasts removed and went through hell. She beat it but it was awkward as heck to be a friend and not be able to empathize with her and that was the problem from my end: Its not empathy that they need. Just support and love. There is no way to relate to someone who is losing their hair because of chemo unless you have been through that. The best thing we could do (and did) was offer comfort, help, and assistance in any ways possible. Sometimes, that was taking care of her to give my friend a break, sometimes it was a simple phone call, accompanying them to the doctor, sharing in their bravery and not feeding into their fears. We learned early on that it was a mistake to act like things were normal because, with something as scary as cancer, nothing is normal so don't bother acting like it. Be calm, offer hope in the form of your continued presence in their life. Don't distance yourself (its amazing how life-threatening diseases will scare off some family and friends). And pray.

 

 

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