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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default The Purina Weight Loss Diet

    Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Rufus, our 111# Golden Retriever at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.? First thing I thought was, 'where is your sign lady'? But decided to go with it...SO.

    On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina weight loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I was in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.




    WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing! Darkstar's Avatar
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    12.04.14 @ 11:23 PM
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    Thanks voivod! That was worth a good hearty laugh!!
    Love should NOT be work, it should be as easy as breathing Dave's Dreidel

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  3. #3
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by voivod View Post
    Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Rufus, our 111# Golden Retriever at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.? First thing I thought was, 'where is your sign lady'? But decided to go with it...SO.

    On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina weight loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I was in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.




    WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.
    Post of the Day! That was great!
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  4. #4
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
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    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    You SOB, I'm glad I wasn't driving down the road when I read that. You'd be getting the tow bill for pulling semi out of a ditch. I was laughing so hard, I think I blacked out.
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

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  5. #5
    Eruption
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    09.24.17 @ 11:47 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by voivod View Post
    Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Rufus, our 111# Golden Retriever at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.? First thing I thought was, 'where is your sign lady'? But decided to go with it...SO.

    On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina weight loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I was in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.




    WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.


    I would've loved to see the look on that womans face, priceless.

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk
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    06.25.15 @ 09:06 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by voivod View Post
    Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Rufus, our 111# Golden Retriever at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.? First thing I thought was, 'where is your sign lady'? But decided to go with it...SO.

    On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina weight loss Diet again. I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I was in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.




    WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.
    That's a friggin' classic. Sig worthy if it weren't so long!
    "I respect that youre passionate about this but what your saying is complete idiocy..." - MF5150 on McDonald's "preying" on young kids.

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  7. #7
    Eruption HippieLettuce's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 06:38 PM
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    That is funny...

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    yeah this is pretty funny...a friend of mine sent it to me in an email a while back and ever since then I've been waiting for a chance to act it out in real life...

  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing!
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    03.02.10 @ 03:28 PM
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    Killjoy!
    Mr. Horseradish courtesy of the International Horseradish Council and Brett.

 

 

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