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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    07.24.11 @ 04:36 PM
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    Default Another curve ball in the recent religious debates....

    This is old, but still just as funny as the first time I read it...


    Is There A Santa Claus?

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

    2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

    5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk BREW CREW's Avatar
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    Whoever wrote that needs to watch Santa Claus starring Tim Allen. That movie explains how Santa does it all. Santa rocks!

  3. #3
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    Santa is a full blow salty BAD ASS! Why anyone would question the saltyness(sweet word) of Santa is beyond me. Taxes, Dying and Santa. THE only absolutes in life. Rock on Santa. Thanks for all the cool shit you gave me. Out.
    Quin-a-se-i-co

    You're a dick for putting ian on "ignore" DIF

    "You stupid fuck!" Seen

    "Well if you saw it, stats and scientific studies be damned!" Lovemachine 97 v. 2.

  4. #4
    Hang 'Em High MAX's Avatar
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    06.03.10 @ 11:18 AM
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    Oh come on now, 'tis nothing fucking sacred anymore?

    Besides that, Santa's magic and freezes time.

    However, if I ever catch that Tooth Fairy in my house again, I'm calling the police!!!
    EAT US AND SMILE!!!!

    "Please don't take my teddy bear... Please!!!" - diamondsgirl's Oscar nominated dramatic scene for best actress of 2007

    "and by Van Halen, I mean David Lee Roth" - diamondsgirl on Van Halen

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium hatchetforce's Avatar
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    11.27.15 @ 03:34 PM
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    selling booze too Mormons - bad vocation

    . . . . .
    "The eagle lands at midnight: bacon burger ice cube over" ~ jetguy5150

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing!
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    When you break down the numbers, a manned mission to Mars looks like a walk in the park compared to what Santa would have to do.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk
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    Santa is Santa, the impossible is possible on Christmas.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

    http://axxman300tool.blogspot.com/

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