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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    somewhere over the rainbow
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    05.16.18 @ 11:48 AM
    Liked 1,240 Times in 454 Posts

    Default The Office Holiday Party: Food, Drinks and ... Sex?

    They’re baaaaack! You know what I’m talking about — the swarm of advice-minded blogs and articles that inundate the Internet every December, dishing out the dos and don’ts of the infamous office holiday party.

    While overall fete etiquette is the aim of many, we’re going to get right to the juicy stuff.

    To hook up or not hook up at the office party, that’s the question – and a not so easy one for that matter.

    The office holiday party provides the seemingly perfect opportunity to get a little closer with somebody who has been, up until that point, eye candy.

    Well-groomed and well-dressed, many colleagues can have us focusing on a bit more than work during business meetings, water cooler breaks, and random Xerox machine meetings. And given that we spend so much time with our co-workers — getting to know some of them better than many of the people in our personal lives — familiarity, camaraderie, and simple hours spent together can breed desire.

    Is it any wonder that sociological research has found that work is one of the best places to meet your significant other?

    Still, while you may have your eye on the hunky number-cruncher in the next cubicle, is it really a good idea to make your move and consummate that crush at the annual office party?

    How should you should handle the potential of flirting to fornication with your office mates, especially since the whether “to be naughty or nice” question often boils down — after a few drinks, that is — to a “but naughty is nice” dilemma for most of us.

    ‘Tis the season for mistletoe, but you could get yourself into trouble with your boss and co-workers, if you don’t play your cards right. After all, the holiday office party wouldn’t create such buzz if it didn’t have the potential to cripple your career. But before you go into bah-humbug mode, forgoing any passion or pleasures an evening’s festivities may invite, let’s take a look at the pros of going from mingling to making out to hooking up at a holiday office party.

    First, while this may not seem like a pro to some, you could meet up with your future husband or wife. People have been known to find their life partner at the holiday party, which would ultimately undo the drawback of any ho-ho-ho status you earned prior to the wedding date.

    Second, if you score with your boss, pending any pursuit of sexual harassment charges, you could end up with a nice promotion or some other perk in being the boss’ pet project, if just for a night.

    Third, by earning the office floozy or stud title, you counter any word around the office that you are some boring, heartless Scrooge. You are, in fact, fun-loving and lovable and your post-party conquest may speak to that.

    Fourth, you get to show off your dirty dancing skills, if not glimpses of your favorite lingerie, should you be sporting any. You may never be on “Dancing with the Stars,” but you’ll take five minutes of fame in fulfilling your amateur dream on the company dance floor anytime.

    Finally, you’ve given everyone a night to remember. And if you didn’t use protection, you may have even gotten a souvenir or two out of it for yourself. Who doesn’t like a gift that keeps on giving?

    Now, the cons of hooking up at the holiday office party are … all of the above, except maybe the first one, and that’s only if you manage to stay together ‘til death do you part.

    Holiday party hook ups are typically anything but a good idea. You know how it goes, too much fun, too much booze… too much tongue, spit, and skin. The next day, you’re left with a hangover, a tarnished reputation, and a job on the line.

    The talk of the office is what you and so-and-so, and maybe even another so-and-so, did last night in the deserted boardroom, company parking lot, or an empty office — made worse if you conveniently forgot that you are married.

    You won’t come out looking like a winner, no matter what you do. That’s why people love it so much — the event is a toss up of who will prove himself the biggest jackass.

    So if you’re crushing on somebody, don’t use the holiday office party as your excuse to make a move. This function is, at its heart, a business dinner of sorts, not an opportunity to hook-up with a hottie. Do that on your own time.

    The holiday office party is your chance to remind your boss and co-workers why you were hired, not what jobs you’re well suited for “after hours” and after a few drinks. You want to leave with your dignity and attire intact. You want to avoid the rumor that you would do well to attend an AA meeting or, at least, learn drink in moderation. And you want to make sure that you’re going home with only one special person that night — your cab driver.

    Work that Walk
    Looking for love or a winter fling? Forget about going to the gym, dressing to kill, or going to any other extreme in creating a new and improved version of yourself.

    Turns out, Steve Tyler of Aerosmith wasn’t so far off in screeching that you only need to “Walk this way!” to garner attention. That’s right, it’s not so much how you look, but how you move your hips.

    The wiggle in your walk holds a lot more weight than your bathroom scale, trumping any primping, dieting, or attire efforts in wooing a date, according to a new study.

    The findings, published recently in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, show that your gait appears to be as important as your appearance when others are rating your attractiveness.

    Researchers at Texas A&M found that it’s your body shape, meaning one’s waist-to-hip ratio and body motion, along with pre-conditioned gender perceptions, that pack the most punch when it comes to attraction.

    Women who get the highest rating with men are those that strut their stuff in a more “feminine,” think Marilyn Monroe, manner. The opposite is true for men, who are deemed attractive are those with a more masculine swagger.

    But imitating Jessica Rabbit may not be the best way to a potential beau’s heart. After all, mimicking an anatomically exaggerated cartoon character is a rather unrealistic expectation.

    Then again, larger than life superstars have managed to add seduction to their every step, with Shakira having made quite a career out of rolling her hips. Add to that the international fame Beyoncé has enticed with her feminine gait, and it can hardly be argued that one’s walk can in fact bring men to their knees.
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing!
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    07.01.10 @ 05:21 AM
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    I've worked for my present company, on and off, for 20 years. At the 1st Christmas party I attended, in 1986, my boss (female) asked me to dance. She was beyond drunk. While we were grooving to whatever crap they were playing, she grabbed my ass. As if that wasn't awkward enough, her husband, who also worked for the company, was but a few feet away (though luckily not looking at us as he was pretty wasted as well). As her husband was big enough to squash me like a bug, I felt it prudent to get the hell out of there.

    I've been to only two other company parties since and none with her in attendance.

    Moral of the story and confirmation to this study: Maintain dignity at all costs (otherwise it might get you squashed like a bug).



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