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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    Default Funky Fries and other foods that flopped

    Funky Fries and other foods that flopped
    By Terri Schlichenmeyer

    (Mental Floss) --
    1. Flower-Flavored PEZģ
    There are some foods that people would eat only if they were stranded on a deserted island.

    No, that's not a typo. Although it would be equally disgusting, we're talking about flower, not flour.

    Introduced in the late 1960's, flower-flavored PEZ was designed to appeal to the hippie generation -- complete with a groovy, psychedelic dispenser. But even in the decade of free love, no love could be found for the flavor power of flower.

    Floral scents make for great perfume, but nobody eats perfume, and apparently, there's a reason why. The flower version flopped, and became the next addition to PEZ's long and disturbing list of flavor failures.

    Since its introduction in 1927, the company has also sold (however briefly) coffee, licorice, eucalyptus, menthol, and cinnamon flavors.

    2. 'I Hate Peas!'

    For as long as children have been shoving Brussels sprouts under mashed potatoes and slipping green beans to the dog, parents have been hunting desperately for a way to end the vegetable discrimination.

    Finally, in the 1970's, American Kitchen Foods, Inc. came to the rescue (or at least tried) with the release of "I Hate Peas!" Since kids love French fries so much, the company decided that disguising peas in a fry-shaped form was a sure-fire way to trick tots into getting their vitamins.

    Not a chance. Children all over America saw through the ruse. After all, a pea is a pea is a pea, and the name of the product was more than apropos, no matter what it looked like. There were other thinly disguised vegetables in the company's "I Hate" line, but kids hated those, too.

    3. Reddi-Bacon

    Any company smart enough to bless mankind with sprayable whipped cream -- the sort that promotes direct-to-mouth feeding -- has got to know a thing or two about immediate gratification. But sadly, the makers of Reddi-wipģ were unable to meld their keen understanding of human laziness with one of processed meat.

    They figured, if you're cooking breakfast in the morning and you've got a hankering for bacon, why dirty up a pan you'll only have to clean later?

    The solution: foil-wrapped Reddi-Bacon you could pop into your toaster for piping-hot pork in minutes. It seemed perfect for the busy 1970's household, and what's more, the stuff actually tasted pretty good.

    Too bad the absorbent pad intended to soak up the dripping grease tended to leak, creating not only a fire hazard, but also a messy (if not totally ruined) toaster.

    Ultimately, the product lasted about as long as it took to cook; the company scrapped it before it went to market nationwide.

    4. Coffee-flavored JELL-Oģ

    In 1918, the makers of JELL-O introduced a new flavor: coffee.

    Its release was ostensibly based on the logic that, since lots of people like to drink coffee with dessert, they'd be game for combining the two after-dinner treats.

    Not the case. The company soon realized if anyone wants dessert coffee, they're going to have a cup of it. In fact, if anyone wants coffee at all, they're going to have a cup of it. Not surprisingly, this realization came about the time they yanked the product off the shelves.

    All in all, it hasn't harmed the company too much. At least they learned their lesson, right? Wrong.

    Cola-flavored JELL-O was sold for about a year starting in 1942, and for a brief while, the clear, wiggly dessert was sold in celery and chocolate flavors, too.

    5. Heublein's Wine & Dine

    In the mid-1970's, Heublein introduced Wine & Dine, an upscale, easy-to-make dinner that included a small bottle of vino. How refined. How decadent. How confusing.

    Consumers knew Heublein for their liquor and wines, so how were they supposed to know the wine included in Wine & Dine was an ingredient for the pasta sauce?

    Hasty consumers who didn't read the directions closely ended up pouring the contents of the bottle into a nice glass and getting a less-than-pleasant mouthful of salted wine.

    6. Funky Fries

    While Americans aren't always fond of the French, they do love their French fries.

    In 2002, hoping to follow the success of Heinz's new "kiddie" ketchup versions (in green and purple), Ore-Ida introduced Funky Fries: chocolate-flavored, cinnamon-flavored, and blue-colored French fries.

    An awful lot of money was sunk into the product, but after a year of marketing, consumers still found the idea funky -- in the bad way.

    Funky Fries were pulled off the shelves in 2003, and images of blue fries with green ketchup were once again relegated to the world of Warhol-esque pop art.

    7. Pepsi A.M.

    Creating a super-caffeinated soda worked well for the makers of Red Bull, but not for the folks at Pepsi.

    With 25 percent more caffeine than a cup of Joe, PepsiCo introduced the cola-flavored product in 1989, only to discover that most people just couldn't bring themselves to drink soda with their cornflakes. For those who wanted a Pepsi in the morning, regular Pepsi did just fine, thankyouverymuch.

    Pepsi A.M., like the coffee-flavored Pepsi Kona before it, was scrapped after just a few months.

    8. Gerber Singles

    At some point in time, almost every adult has tasted baby food and discovered that the stuff isn't half bad. But that doesn't mean people want to make a meal out of it.

    For some reason, Gerber had to learn that lesson the hard way. In 1974, the company released Gerber Singles, small servings of food meant for single adults, packaged in jars that were almost identical to those used for baby food.

    It didn't take long for Gerber execs to figure out that most consumers, unless they were less than a year old, couldn't get used to eating a pureed meal out of a jar -- particularly one depressingly labeled "Singles."

    Baby food for grown-ups was pulled from the marketplace shortly after its birth.
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

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  2. #2
    Eruption
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    Don't forget Crystal Pepsi

    Anyone remember Marathon Candy Bars from the 70's? Those things were awesome. I wish they'd bring 'em back.

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    When I was a kid, there was a company that produced a product called "Great American Soups". The selling point to this product was the notion that one did not need to add water or milk to them, as one needed to do with the popular "Campbell's" brand of soups. For this convenience, one paid twice as much as the Cambells soups lining the grocery shelves.

    Roughly three months later (this was the seventies, people were no quicker on the uptake then than now), it began to dawn upon folk that they were actually paying for water.

    The company folded soon after.

    We will not at this time go into the "supposed" fiasco of "New Coke", which was actually a ploy to change ingredients without the public catching on (it worked, by the way).
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
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  4. #4
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    Apparently Pepsi didn't learn their lesson. They now have a new version of Pepsi with higher caffeine plus ginseng, apparently trying to cash in on the energy drink market.

    Not that it matters...... if it contains high fructose corn poison, it's gonna make you crash.
    Eat Us And Smile

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  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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  6. #6
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullwinkle View Post
    I'm truly uncertain as to which is more sad...the lousy choices of foodstuffs featured at the buffet offered at Bullwinkle's house during the first half, or ultimately the microscopic size of his microwaved hot dogs served at halftime.

    MNF has gone into the shitter since ESPN took over, that's all there is to it.
    Last edited by chefcraig; 09.10.07 at 08:06 PM.
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing! Bullwinkle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chefcraig View Post
    I'm truly uncertain as to which is more sad...the lousy choices of foodstuffs featured at the buffet offered at Bullwinkle's house during the first half, or ultimately the microscopic size of his microwaved hot dogs served at halftime.
    You know, I'm sitting here trying and trying to think up a joke about "Child Size Portions". But every time I start typing, this flaming tunnel straight to Hell opens up underneath my desk.
    It's getting hot in here so I'm going to quit. I'll give you a pass on this one.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullwinkle View Post
    You know, I'm sitting here trying and trying to think up a joke about "Child Size Portions". But every time I start typing, this flaming tunnel straight to Hell opens up underneath my desk.
    It's getting hot in here so I'm going to quit. I'll give you a pass on this one.
    Uhhmmm...what did I tell you regarding renting an apartment over a methamphetamine dealer/chemist who was also narcoleptic, merely because it was cheap and had free cable? You laughed at me, as I recall.

    Who is laughin....zzzzzz
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  9. #9
    Good Enough vcooper3's Avatar
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    Pepsi also came out with a blue-colored soda a few years back. It tasted like over-sweetened swill.

    Oh yeah, I do remember the Crystal Pepsi back in the day.

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    Did anybody ever try those yecky colored Pringles that came out not too long ago? Some were flaming red, blue, etc. Gross anyways.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

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  11. #11
    Baluchitherium mistere's Avatar
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    What about that Orbits drink or whatever it was, that was soda with shit
    floating in it? Fucking brilliant.

    And what the fuck happened to Doritos? When I was a kid they came in three
    flavors: Plain, Nacho, & Taco. And that was more than you could ever want. Now
    you can't find anything that isn't Extreme Jabenero Mesquite Mango Asscrack Chutney.
    I knew it was all over when Cool Ranch showed up.
    Last edited by mistere; 09.11.07 at 12:11 AM.

  12. #12
    Banned! pooponme5150's Avatar
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    OK Soda. That shit was good. As was Surge, which i think is the same as this Vault stuff??

  13. #13
    Hang 'Em High MAX's Avatar
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    What I miss more than anything but my body thanks me are the days of Coca~Cola in glass bottles (or any other soda for that matter) when they used REAL cane sugar as opposed to corn syrup. I know we're going back a cupla decades but still!!!

    Thankfully though, I rarely if EVER drink soda anymore.

    Also, and another "I'm thankful" is Toxic Hell, Taco Smell or whatever the fuck it is now? Cos I refuse to eat that shit. However and back in the day, Taco Bell was the shit!!! Not like now, where you feel the need to shit by either smelling or looking at it.

    Seriously, back in the 70's and 80's that place was great. They had Tacoburgers, enchiritos and all this killer food that they made right in front of you!!! It was epic as far as fast food went. Again, I'm happy I'm no fast food freak but that shit was great when I was a kid. Fortunately, we have a place called Taco Time that used to be in direct competition with Toxic Smell back in the day that still delivers great fast Mexican food and thankfully it's rather spendy, which also means quality as far as fast food goes.

    As long as I'm on this fast food kick, there was also a day when one had to dine in Pizza Hut's and it was also a treat. Domino's also didn't suck about 20 plus years ago either. There also used to be Godfather's, Shakey's, Round Table and other great pizza chains when I was a kid. All looooong gone now.

    Geeze Louize, do I sound like a cranky old man or what?
    Last edited by MAX; 09.11.07 at 02:57 AM.
    EAT US AND SMILE!!!!

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  14. #14
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ou812max View Post
    What I miss more than anything but my body thanks me are the days of Coca~Cola in glass bottles (or any other soda for that matter) when they used REAL cane sugar as opposed to corn syrup. I know we're going back a cupla decades but still!!!

    Thankfully though, I rarely if EVER drink soda anymore.

    Also, and another "I'm thankful" is Toxic Hell, Taco Smell or whatever the fuck it is now? Cos I refuse to eat that shit. However and back in the day, Taco Bell was the shit!!! Not like now, where you feel the need to shit by either smelling or looking at it.

    Seriously, back in the 70's and 80's that place was great. They had Tacoburgers, enchiritos and all this killer food that they made right in front of you!!! It was epic as far as fast food went. Again, I'm happy I'm no fast food freak but that shit was great when I was a kid. Fortunately, we have a place called Taco Time that used to be in direct competition with Toxic Smell back in the day that still delivers great fast Mexican food and thankfully it's rather spendy, which also means quality as far as fast food goes.

    As long as I'm on this fast food kick, there was also a day when one had to dine in Pizza Hut's and it was also a treat. Domino's also didn't suck about 20 plus years ago either. There also used to be Godfather's, Shakey's, Round Table and other great pizza chains when I was a kid. All looooong gone now.

    Geeze Louize, do I sound like a cranky old man or what?

    A few of those brought back memories. You still can get the Coke in glass bottles made with cane sugar. It's imported from Mexico. Second, that "burger" from Taco Bell was called the "Bell Beefer". The only reason I remember is because my brother and I thought it was the funniest sounding name.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Hang 'Em High MAX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onefootoutthedoor View Post
    A few of those brought back memories. You still can get the Coke in glass bottles made with cane sugar. It's imported from Mexico. Second, that "burger" from Taco Bell was called the "Bell Beefer". The only reason I remember is because my brother and I thought it was the funniest sounding name.
    LMAO @ "Bellbeefer!!! That's true and I remember those so well!!! I loved those as a kid!!!

    Yeah, there's a cool site that sells real sodas from all over the world and I've ordered from there for gifts, etc. Unfortunately Coca~Cola found out about them and stopped them from selling imported Coke products.

    Fortunately, my body just doesn't crave sodas so I don't wish to encourage it to do so by purchasing any. lol

    I mean, I'll have a Diet Coke or a sip of a soda maybe about half a dozen times a year but (excluding beer or wine) I'm a water person when it comes to beverages. Oh, I do like rootbeer floats though as a dessert even though I bannot remember the last time I had one?
    EAT US AND SMILE!!!!

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