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  1. #1
    Hot For Teacher 8amtill606's Avatar
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    Default Ed's call to Gene $immons

    About a year ago, a monumental phone call took place:

    Eddie: Hi Gene – hey man, I’ve got a real problem and since you pretty much got us going back in the day and I have modeled everything Van Halen has become after KISS I figured I’d check with you.

    Gene: Go ahead my son.

    Eddie: Well, you know Mike Anthony has been pretty much been playing with Sammy – jammin’ in CABO and Tahoe all the time… I mean it really looks like the guy is happy! I can’t believe he couldn’t just wait all of those years for me to get better and get my sh#% together!

    Gene: uh-uh…

    Eddie: I mean I keep trying to teach him a lesson by playing all the bass lines on our last full length studio album and the 3 tracks included in our last ‘Best Of’. I even diminished his background vocals to almost non-existent and it doesn’t seem to bother him.

    Gene: Yes – I did the same thing to Ace by bringing in Bob Kulick and Rick Derringer to play his guitar parts on many of the early albums. Didn’t phase him either…

    Eddie: Well this is my band, well me and my brothers band… and he can’t do stuff like that without my say so, right?

    Gene: That’s how I roll.

    Eddie: I’m really wanting to do another reunion tour again… you know like KISS does all the time? This time with Roth.

    Gene: Right. I thought you hated Ro…

    Eddie: Except his voice aint what it used to be…

    Gene: Doesn’t matter… that’s why you don’t put out any studio albums. No one will know until the tour and then… well you’ve already got ‘em at that point.

    Eddie: Right… So what should I do?

    Gene: Well, you replace him. That’s what I do with Ace and Peter all the time. Of course I have the advantage there because the make-up hides who I replaced them with. But only the real die-hards know for sure… but I’ve already got their money. I’m looking for their kids.

    Eddie: Dude, you’re a genius!

    Gene: I know. Do you have anyone in mind that can replace him?

    Eddie: Well… no. I mean, I’ve played bass on stuff lately anyway… wait a minute… I know! I’ll make a striped double neck guitar… a bass on top and the guitar on the bottom and play both parts.

    Gene: Hmmm… nah. You better not… you need concentrate on your solos. They haven’t been all that impressive lately.

    Eddie: Huh?

    Gene: But, you know, make that guitar anyway and market it!!!

    Eddie: Yeah…

    Gene: Hey! You have a son right?

    Eddie: Wolfie? Yeah, but he plays guitar. He played a little bit on the 2004 reunion tour.

    Gene: Think he can play bass? There’s nothing to it… I mean look at me.

    Eddie: Well, I guess he can… Hey, you know, that’s not a bad idea… and he’s still going through puberty. He could definitely hit the high notes on backing vocals… Yes! This could work!!!

    Gene: Problem solved.

    Eddie: Thanks Gene… man you are the best!

    Gene: I know. You know what I’ll do? I’ll put you in touch with the producer to Family Jewels. Maybe they can do a whole reality thing on Wolfie joining the band and behind the scenes during the tour. People love that stuff!!!

    Eddie: Man, you are a genius!

    Gene: I know.

    To be continued…

  2. #2
    Top Of The World MonkeySpunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 8amtill606 View Post
    About a year ago, a monumental phone call took place:

    Eddie: Hi Gene – hey man, I’ve got a real problem and since you pretty much got us going back in the day and I have modeled everything Van Halen has become after KISS I figured I’d check with you.

    Gene: Go ahead my son.

    Eddie: Well, you know Mike Anthony has been pretty much been playing with Sammy – jammin’ in CABO and Tahoe all the time… I mean it really looks like the guy is happy! I can’t believe he couldn’t just wait all of those years for me to get better and get my sh#% together!

    Gene: uh-uh…

    Eddie: I mean I keep trying to teach him a lesson by playing all the bass lines on our last full length studio album and the 3 tracks included in our last ‘Best Of’. I even diminished his background vocals to almost non-existent and it doesn’t seem to bother him.

    Gene: Yes – I did the same thing to Ace by bringing in Bob Kulick and Rick Derringer to play his guitar parts on many of the early albums. Didn’t phase him either…

    Eddie: Well this is my band, well me and my brothers band… and he can’t do stuff like that without my say so, right?

    Gene: That’s how I roll.

    Eddie: I’m really wanting to do another reunion tour again… you know like KISS does all the time? This time with Roth.

    Gene: Right. I thought you hated Ro…

    Eddie: Except his voice aint what it used to be…

    Gene: Doesn’t matter… that’s why you don’t put out any studio albums. No one will know until the tour and then… well you’ve already got ‘em at that point.

    Eddie: Right… So what should I do?

    Gene: Well, you replace him. That’s what I do with Ace and Peter all the time. Of course I have the advantage there because the make-up hides who I replaced them with. But only the real die-hards know for sure… but I’ve already got their money. I’m looking for their kids.

    Eddie: Dude, you’re a genius!

    Gene: I know. Do you have anyone in mind that can replace him?

    Eddie: Well… no. I mean, I’ve played bass on stuff lately anyway… wait a minute… I know! I’ll make a striped double neck guitar… a bass on top and the guitar on the bottom and play both parts.

    Gene: Hmmm… nah. You better not… you need concentrate on your solos. They haven’t been all that impressive lately.

    Eddie: Huh?

    Gene: But, you know, make that guitar anyway and market it!!!

    Eddie: Yeah…

    Gene: Hey! You have a son right?

    Eddie: Wolfie? Yeah, but he plays guitar. He played a little bit on the 2004 reunion tour.

    Gene: Think he can play bass? There’s nothing to it… I mean look at me.

    Eddie: Well, I guess he can… Hey, you know, that’s not a bad idea… and he’s still going through puberty. He could definitely hit the high notes on backing vocals… Yes! This could work!!!

    Gene: Problem solved.

    Eddie: Thanks Gene… man you are the best!

    Gene: I know. You know what I’ll do? I’ll put you in touch with the producer to Family Jewels. Maybe they can do a whole reality thing on Wolfie joining the band and behind the scenes during the tour. People love that stuff!!!

    Eddie: Man, you are a genius!

    Gene: I know.

    To be continued…
    Ed: is $25,000 too much to sell a guitar for?

  3. #3
    Top Of The World CatdaddyRoth's Avatar
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    Lame
    Winners? they come and go..
    Legends? they're forever!

    "Slam Dunk" DLR Band

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
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    12.20.16 @ 03:09 PM
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    Default

    A tad weak, but thanks for posting.

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 8amtill606 View Post
    Eddie: Except his voice aint what it used to be…

    Gene: Doesn’t matter… that’s why you don’t put out any studio albums. No one will know until the tour and then… well you’ve already got ‘em at that point.
    The studio is surely the one place where inadequacies can be monitored or even repaired. Gene would certainly be aware of this, along with the age-defying benefits of cosmetic surgery.
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  6. #6
    Good Enough VivaVH's Avatar
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    04.02.15 @ 09:23 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by 8amtill606 View Post
    Gene: I know. You know what I’ll do? I’ll put you in touch with the producer to Family Jewels. Maybe they can do a whole reality thing on Wolfie joining the band and behind the scenes during the tour. People love that stuff!!!
    Don't give them any ideas, please.
    If it's BROWN, flush it DOWN.

    GO STEELERS!

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 8amtill606 View Post
    About a year ago, a monumental phone call took place:

    Eddie: Hi Gene – hey man, I’ve got a real problem and since you pretty much got us going back in the day and I have modeled everything Van Halen has become after KISS I figured I’d check with you.

    Gene: Go ahead my son.

    Eddie: Well, you know Mike Anthony has been pretty much been playing with Sammy – jammin’ in CABO and Tahoe all the time… I mean it really looks like the guy is happy! I can’t believe he couldn’t just wait all of those years for me to get better and get my sh#% together!

    Gene: uh-uh…

    Eddie: I mean I keep trying to teach him a lesson by playing all the bass lines on our last full length studio album and the 3 tracks included in our last ‘Best Of’. I even diminished his background vocals to almost non-existent and it doesn’t seem to bother him.

    Gene: Yes – I did the same thing to Ace by bringing in Bob Kulick and Rick Derringer to play his guitar parts on many of the early albums. Didn’t phase him either…

    Eddie: Well this is my band, well me and my brothers band… and he can’t do stuff like that without my say so, right?

    Gene: That’s how I roll.

    Eddie: I’m really wanting to do another reunion tour again… you know like KISS does all the time? This time with Roth.

    Gene: Right. I thought you hated Ro…

    Eddie: Except his voice aint what it used to be…

    Gene: Doesn’t matter… that’s why you don’t put out any studio albums. No one will know until the tour and then… well you’ve already got ‘em at that point.

    Eddie: Right… So what should I do?

    Gene: Well, you replace him. That’s what I do with Ace and Peter all the time. Of course I have the advantage there because the make-up hides who I replaced them with. But only the real die-hards know for sure… but I’ve already got their money. I’m looking for their kids.

    Eddie: Dude, you’re a genius!

    Gene: I know. Do you have anyone in mind that can replace him?

    Eddie: Well… no. I mean, I’ve played bass on stuff lately anyway… wait a minute… I know! I’ll make a striped double neck guitar… a bass on top and the guitar on the bottom and play both parts.

    Gene: Hmmm… nah. You better not… you need concentrate on your solos. They haven’t been all that impressive lately.

    Eddie: Huh?

    Gene: But, you know, make that guitar anyway and market it!!!

    Eddie: Yeah…

    Gene: Hey! You have a son right?

    Eddie: Wolfie? Yeah, but he plays guitar. He played a little bit on the 2004 reunion tour.

    Gene: Think he can play bass? There’s nothing to it… I mean look at me.

    Eddie: Well, I guess he can… Hey, you know, that’s not a bad idea… and he’s still going through puberty. He could definitely hit the high notes on backing vocals… Yes! This could work!!!

    Gene: Problem solved.

    Eddie: Thanks Gene… man you are the best!

    Gene: I know. You know what I’ll do? I’ll put you in touch with the producer to Family Jewels. Maybe they can do a whole reality thing on Wolfie joining the band and behind the scenes during the tour. People love that stuff!!!

    Eddie: Man, you are a genius!

    Gene: I know.

    To be continued

    Yes, yes.....continue. Funny shit.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVH View Post
    Don't give them any ideas, please.
    Hell, I'll watch THAT before I go see the Van Half-ass world tour.

    Oh, wait....it's not a world tour. I forgot.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  9. #9
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    Default

    stupid!









































































    Very stupid

  10. #10
    Eruption servoguy101's Avatar
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    04.03.12 @ 11:26 AM
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    funny, I heard Gene's voice in my head.. and on a side note, I was nice to hear a new voice replacing the others......
    Sam, Dave,Gary... who cares. its all about what makes you feel good.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum View Post
    Yes, yes.....continue. Funny shit.
    Agreed

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the KISS-Halen Show!! (yikes)

  13. #13
    Unchained 5150 from the wait's Avatar
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    That was beautiful man I need a tissue.........not
    "Once believed,Can't ever loose faith."

  14. #14
    On Fire guitar5150's Avatar
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    Default Re

    Funny Stuff .. keep it coming .. and dont forget about Roth getting his $$$$ like Mr. Simmons!
    James

  15. #15
    Unchained mojavebassman's Avatar
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    If Kiss gets Ace back for an '08 tour, they could double-bill with VH, and you'd have 3/4 of the original members from both bands, and the brothers could join P&G for "Christine 16". It all comes full circle!

 

 

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