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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    Default The Official Bionic Woman Thread

    NBC revisits, reimagines 'Bionic Woman' for fall
    July 20, 2007

    Here's another great-idea-that's-not.

    NBC's fall remake of "Bionic Woman."



    Make that "reimagining," if you want to echo the nomenclature of the same company's new-and-much-improved "Battlestar Galactica" series unreeling on its Sci Fi cable sibling. That current drama is intelligently adult, thematically ambitious, steeped in moral dilemmas, and much truer than ABC's 1970s original to the darkness of its concept's core premise (a civilization nuked by its own robots must battle that run-amok handiwork in order to survive).



    So now, this fall, NBC and that same Universal production studio present us with a new "Bionic Woman" that, likewise, tries to be more adult than its '70s ABC predecessor. That family fave's simplistic good-vs.-evil adventures starred Lindsay Wagner as the injured body rejuvenated by a couple of high-tech limb implants giving her superpowers, as signified by some belovedly el cheapo slo-mo/eerie-sounds effects designed to make her normal-looking persona seem extra strong/fast/cool. NBC's new "modern" remake starring British babe Michelle Ryan is certainly more advanced technologically in terms of what it depicts medically/physically and how it's rendered cinematically. The storytelling has also evolved, into something much darker, in both tone and look, than its kid-friendly predecessor. This take is definitely more morally ambiguous. And certainly "complex."



    Which is not a good word to see a writer put in quotes.

    This "Bionic Woman" is a mess. Its pilot hour - currently being reworked - is simultaneously bland, frantic, dreary, in-your-face and way too hardcore sci fi to succeed on a mainstream broadcast network. What critics have seen so far is bereft of the subtle humor or fancifulness that might lure the casually surfing fan. Meanwhile, it piles on way too much contrived detail about its bartender heroine and the professor boyfriend who's secretly inventing bionic technology for a mysterious organization that resuscitates his dying gal pal who's then horrified by the "improvements," yada yada yada.



    If that wasn't disappointing enough, the show's producers came to NBC's part of TV critics' press tour this week and proudly informed us they'd essentially dumped anything about the show that was the least bit intriguing. They also detailed a litany of added elements that absolutely reeks of network interference, research testing and ancillary revenue/promotional opportunities.

    Heaven forbid anyone consider actual entertainment value.



    The deaf younger sister being raised by the bionic woman in the original pilot, played by profound teen actress Mae Whitman ("State of Grace," "Arrested Development," "Thief"), is now gone. She's been replaced by the less textured but, yes, cuter performer Lucy Hale, as a character "reconceived" to "help us get more traction as we move into episodic," in the bionic terminology parroted by executive producer Jason Smilovic. This new sister will now be a (gee, we've never seen this before) computer hacker. And oh yes, the siblings' parents will be "activists back in the day who were very keen on saving the world," said Smilovic (NBC's "Kidnapped"), "but sort of neglected their own children."

    The pilot's cast did include Asian-American actor Will Yun Lee (also compelling in FX's short-lived "Thief"), who plays a canny "operative" eager to put the bionic babe's skills to mission-executing use. But maybe Lee's welcome presence wasn't on-its-face diverse enough. Or sufficiently publicity-friendly.

    NBC's new program chief Ben Silverman made a point of announcing at press tour that the "Bionic Woman" cast has added Isaiah Washington, the gay-slur-dropping "Grey's Anatomy" dumpee, as another party interested in tapping those bionic abilities. Said Smilovic, quoting directly from the press tour cliche book, "We just found the best actor for the role."



    Maybe "Bionic Woman" will prove me wrong - among its backstage leaders are veteran "X-Files" writer Glen Morgan, plus David Eick, who oversaw production on the "Battlestar Galactica" re-think that proved everybody wrong - but the whole project seems to represent all the worst instincts of network TV today. From its "brand" reliance to the shoehorn-in-another-angle character mix, from the one-from-Column-A-and-Column-B casting to the latest-tech-toys fixation - it adds up to precisely the sort of synthetic stench that's driving broadcast viewers away to HBO, Showtime, FX, TNT and other enterprising outlets who've realized viewers still value actual human resonance.

    One after another during the initial cable days of this press tour, series creators extolled the joy of working with channels that support their idiosyncratic vision and let them execute it without constant micro-management. And then the old-line networks started lumbering up on stage to present slates of Frankenstein monsters pieced together from everything except singular inspiration and authentic soul.



    Maybe these TV execs should go back and watch James Whale's inspired 1931 "Frankenstein" film and its sequels, which, coincidentally for the "Bionic" folks, were produced by their very own Universal studio. In the meantime, let me give away that cautionary tale's memorable ending.

    The brilliant scientist's oh-so-meticulously constructed monster ends up burning the whole house down.
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Summer Nights in Cabo SNIC's Avatar
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    Sweet! I remember the days of Lindsay Wagner. Good stuff!
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  3. #3
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
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    Well, she looks as if she's got nice boobs!

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but she's no Jamie Somers! There's only one Bionic Woman. Why they gotta ruin it like this???
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  5. #5
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    that chicks tits are extremely bionic.

    and by bionic i mean huge and silicone enhanced.
    www.rickshick.tumblr.com

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  6. #6
    Romeo Delight omarbratley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick S View Post
    that chicks tits are extremely bionic.

    and by bionic i mean huge and silicone enhanced.
    Yes!!!
    "your incompetence is not my emergency"

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk
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    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  8. #8
    Eruption Lightning Fingers's Avatar
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    Holy shit! She looks like a friend/roommate of mine from 11 years ago... only my friend has real tits.
    Homer: No one snuggles with Max Power. Just strap on and feel the Gs!

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  9. #9
    Atomic Punk
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    Bionic Woman vs. Fembots


    Jamie vs. Fembots in Las Vegas


    Fembots in Las Vegas - Jamie Vs Carl
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  10. #10
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick S View Post
    that chicks tits are extremely bionic.

    and by bionic i mean huge and silicone enhanced.

    fake, huh? There should be a disclaimer or something! Still look good, though.

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk
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    they appear natural when unsupported...






    anyhow...

    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  12. #12
    no stinkin click! muffdiver's Avatar
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    She's yummy...

  13. #13
    Sinner's Swing! Rick S's Avatar
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    cmon man , how could they have that chick on the operating table and the bionic surgeons would not be like " hey through a pair of gravity defying bionic D cups on this chick".

    the shows already fake as far as im concernced, sheeeeeeesh.
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  14. #14
    Eruption
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick S View Post
    that chicks tits are extremely bionic.

    and by bionic i mean huge and silicone enhanced.
    You took the words right out of my mouth. LOL

  15. #15
    Eruption
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    Since everything else is being re-made, why not the Six Million Dollar Man? Naw, they'd mess that up too.
    That reminds me, back when the Six Million Dollar Man was on, didn't they try a third spin off, a bionic kung-fu dude? My older brother was telling me that but I just figured he was on crack or something because I has never heard of that one. Has anyone? Just a random thought....

 

 

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