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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    Default the Magera Phase, with their first singer Sterling Lee Roth

    Van Halen's career is divided by scholars in four stages, and 708 substages. For educational purposes, of course. The first one is known as the Magera Phase, with their first singer Sterling Lee Roth. During this phase, band leader Eddie "Somewhere In Time" Van Halen was responsible for keeping an entire generation of guitar-hero-wannabes locked in their bedrooms wasting their youth trying to recreate what Eddie had recorded while drunk. David Lee Roth was considered, by all, a fucking egomaniac. He holds several records in the Rock And Roll hall of fame. Including:

    • Most flubbed lyrics on stage from near-fatal intoxication Award. 1980 - 1983
    • Most Shit Stuffed In Pants Award! 1978 - 1983
    • Cro-Magnon Award for Thickest Chest Hair - 1977
    • Cheesiest one-liners 1980 - 1985
    • Biggest Mouth - 1984
    • Tightest Spandex Award- 1985
    • Best Drunken Rant - 1979 aliens took over and...
    • ...Among many others.

    There are also two other members from this era, but nobody gives a shit.

    This era ended in 1984 when David Lee Roth suggested that the name of the band should be changed to "Lee Roth" rather than "Van Halen." Naturally, Eddie Van Halen threw a shitfit. With blatant disregard for their fans, David Lee Roth left the band, and so became the first sign of the apocolypse. Of course, this was all Fucking Sammy Hagar's fault. And so the 2nd era of Van Halen began. http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Van_Halen
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    Good Enough
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning & Balance
    Favorite VH Song

    Don't Tell Me
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    12.12.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by voivod View Post
    Van Halen's career is divided by scholars in four stages, and 708 substages. For educational purposes, of course. The first one is known as the Magera Phase, with their first singer Sterling Lee Roth. During this phase, band leader Eddie "Somewhere In Time" Van Halen was responsible for keeping an entire generation of guitar-hero-wannabes locked in their bedrooms wasting their youth trying to recreate what Eddie had recorded while drunk. David Lee Roth was considered, by all, a fucking egomaniac. He holds several records in the Rock And Roll hall of fame. Including:

    • Most flubbed lyrics on stage from near-fatal intoxication Award. 1980 - 1983
    • Most Shit Stuffed In Pants Award! 1978 - 1983
    • Cro-Magnon Award for Thickest Chest Hair - 1977
    • Cheesiest one-liners 1980 - 1985
    • Biggest Mouth - 1984
    • Tightest Spandex Award- 1985
    • Best Drunken Rant - 1979 aliens took over and...
    • ...Among many others.

    There are also two other members from this era, but nobody gives a shit.

    This era ended in 1984 when David Lee Roth suggested that the name of the band should be changed to "Lee Roth" rather than "Van Halen." Naturally, Eddie Van Halen threw a shitfit. With blatant disregard for their fans, David Lee Roth left the band, and so became the first sign of the apocolypse. Of course, this was all Fucking Sammy Hagar's fault. And so the 2nd era of Van Halen began. http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Van_Halen

    I wasn't aware scholars took the time to divide the Van Halen saga into stages and substages.
    SOME VH LINKS CLASSICS


    "Sammy is fat, Dave is bald, Mike is next in line to be the Pope, Eddie is a drunk, Wolfie is fat, Gary is gay, CVH is VH, Mike is VH, Sammy can outsing Dave on a tequilla hangover, Eddie is a meth head, How Many Say I is the worst VH song ever, Up for Breakfast is a close second, Dave was horrible at radio and everybody hates the assless chaps.
    Ok I think that covers everything." Ziggysmalls

    "I sense that some of our newer passengers may be nervous due to the sudden turbulence. Please be seated, this is simply a normal part of the periodic ride.
    I didn't say we'll get to the destination, but until Alex comes out a says what a complete waste of carbon DLR is, we're still climbing, so strap yourselves in.
    Those of you who have been on this ride before, the hottie in the mini will be around shortly with your drinks......." Red

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 10:50 AM
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    Default

    I can't wait to read the rest of the stages. LOL
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

    In 2012, the phoenix has risen!!

    "High speed, low drag."

    "Look at all the people here tonight!!!" - 10/5/07, 5/20/08 Mohegan Sun

    Congratulations to Van Halen as part of the Class of 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

    Cinco de Cabo @ Foxwoods: "A giant party with live music" - S. Hagar

    got tequila?

    http://keepitaliveforever.com

  4. #4
    Eruption Stiil_A_Fan's Avatar
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    Favorite VH Album

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    The ones about Dancing
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    11.26.14 @ 12:50 AM
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    Default

    This is funny stuff give us more.

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiil_A_Fan View Post
    This is funny stuff give us more.
    urr, click the link...
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Gen. George S. Patton

  6. #6
    On Fire tankman's Avatar
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    Favorite VH Album

    Women & Children First
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    12.15.17 @ 10:06 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiil_A_Fan View Post
    This is funny stuff give us more.
    Fantastic stuff!! Read it man!

  7. #7
    Eruption Stiil_A_Fan's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tankman View Post
    Fantastic stuff!! Read it man!
    I just got a chance to LMAO.

  8. #8
    ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ Number 47's Avatar
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    Default

    That was Funny!

    Unfortunately, a second attempt to introduce alcohol back into Eddies blood stream was successful.

    -Jesus Leaves Band

    -Gary ///wrists!


  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Default

    As the music scholars have appropriately told the legendary VH tale to the world!

  10. #10
    Good Enough vhrocker's Avatar
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    01.21.15 @ 08:57 AM
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    Default

    Too Damn Funny!!!
    ALEX IS GOD!!!

    I've been doin' this for 'bout 20 years now, and I'll tell ya, to this day I still don't know the right drumstick from the left drumstick -Alex Van Halen


  11. #11
    Eruption servoguy101's Avatar
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    04.03.12 @ 11:26 AM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vhrocker View Post
    Too Damn Funny!!!
    lame. could have cut 2/3 out ....
    Sam, Dave,Gary... who cares. its all about what makes you feel good.

 

 

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