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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.20.99
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    47
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    3800 foot level in the Sierra
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    Favorite VH Album

    all of them
    Favorite VH Song

    If its Eddie, its Van Halen
    Last Online

    09.30.16 @ 10:28 AM
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    EVH: "Hey Al, where the fuck did Mike go?"
    AVH: "He said he had to run a few errands for his wife."
    EVH: "That pint sized, whiskey drinkin' piece of shit, HE"S FIRED!!"
    AVH: "Come on Ed, give him a break. He has been the only one of us out there making appearances and he has gone through alot of shit for us."
    EVH: "So now YOU are against me now?"
    AVH: "No man."
    EVH: "Thats just fucking great! I have Warner Brothers pressuring me to work with Dave, who by the way is STILL upstairs fucking Della Reese. I have my older brother getting married to Liz Taylor, Val is out in Utah most of the time, Wolfie has got school, Mike is off doing errands, and I am STUCK with hanging out with Starks most of the time."
    AVH: "Ed, its not like that at all. We NEED to work with Dave, its the only way we can make more money and I can pay all my alimonies on time."
    EVH: "Yeah I guess you are right."
    AVH: "And just think about how badly we are going to screw the fans when we tour with ticket prices."
    EVH: "I almost forgot about that Al, now can you hand me my chello?"
    AVH: "Sure little brother, here,,,,OUCH!!"
    EVH: "Whats wrong?"
    AVH: "I my neck is fucking killing me, I need to go see a doctor RIGHT NOW."
    EVH: "Hey Starks! Go warm up the Landcruiser, I got to take Alex to the fucking hospital again."
    Starks: "Yes Mr. Van Halen."

    **one hour later at 5150**

    DLR: "Hey Mikey, man can that chick Della fuck."
    MA: "Cool man."
    DLR: "Whats wrong Mike?"
    MA: "ah nothing."
    DLR: "Come on, we gop back a long ways."
    MA: "I'm just tired of the way Eddie pushes me around. He thinks that I am nothing but a high pitched voice and a so-so bass player and treats me and his fans like shit."
    DLR: "I know exactly what you mean dude."
    MA: "I called Sammy a little while ago and he offered me a gig in his band."
    DLR: "No Mike you can't quit Van Halen, we are an institution. And besides, I can't sing on this alone, and we heard Eddie sing on your last record."
    MA: "You don't get it do you Dave?"
    DLR: "What do you mean?"
    MA: "Once the tour is over, you are fired again Dave, its all part of their big plan."
    DLR: "What big plan?"
    MA: "The brothers figure that the tour will last a year and a half or so, that will carry them past the Hall Of Fame induction ceremony. That way you will still be in the band and things will seem cool when we play."
    DLR: "Oh really? Then you know what? When we are about to hit the stage at the ceremony, I will walk out and make a public announcement that I am leaving the group because Edward Van Halen is goiung to fire me anyways."
    MA: "Then he will be pissed and take it out on me then I can tell him to go to hell and join Sammy's band."
    DLR: "I was hoping that you would join me, Steve Vai, and Lars Ulrich in forming a new band that we are secretly putting together."
    MA: "Lars?"
    DLR: "I know, he is a dickhead, but he is pretty good on the skins and we need some tension to be creative. Plus he is a little shit and even Vai can kick his ass."
    MA: "Sounds real cool, count me in."

    **at the hospital**

    Dr. Smith: "Mr. Van Halen, we have to operate on your neck again. It seems as if you caused some more nerve damage that can only be corrected by surgery."
    AVH: "How long will it sideline me?"
    DR. Smith: "somewhere between 12-18 months."
    EVH: "Oh FUCK! I am going to take up the tuba now."
    AVH: "Sorry Ed."
    EVH: "Its not your fault you old fuck."
    AVH: "Thanks."
    EVH: "Hey Starks!"
    Starks: "Yes Mr. Van Halen."
    EVH: "Go and post on the website a new no news is good news message, and tell Mike to start back up with the PATIENCE, TIME WILL TELL, HOPE IS THE LAST THING WE LOSE AND THE FOUNTAIN IS CLEAREST AT ITS SOURCE POSTS at the Dome."
    Starks: "I'll get right on it sir."
    EVH: "I will tell Dave that maybe he should do another Van Halen Tribute Band tour to keep the fans off our backs a little longer."


    Stay tuned for more episodes............
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  2. #2
    On Fire hammered65's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.25.99
    Age
    51
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    345
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen, WACF
    Favorite VH Song

    On Fire
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    07.15.16 @ 04:33 PM
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    LMAO!

  3. #3
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    12.20.01
    Age
    26
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    1,829
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    All of them pretty much
    Last Online

    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Stay tuned for more episodes............
    <hr></blockquote> I CANT WAIT!!! hee hee [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    This is home, this is Mean Street!<br /><br /><b><br />Then one year you find ten years have gotten behind, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. - Pink Floyd, Time</b><br /><br />"Everyone knows that Van Halen with Roth is the only real Van Halen."- Mike Tramp<br /><br /><a href="http://www.vhforums.com/vhlforum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=001366&p=66#00 1635" target="_blank"> OBEY THE DFK!!</a>

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
    Join Date
    02.17.00
    Location
    Cowtown
    Posts
    5,196
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

    Me Wise Magic
    Last Online

    09.15.15 @ 07:40 AM
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    laughing at the shots you took at lars. [img]smile.gif[/img]
    "even vai can kick his ass." that's hilarious.

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing!
    Join Date
    06.03.01
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    3,193
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning, and the rest of the first 6 albums!
    Favorite VH Song

    Everthing off of the first 6 albums!
    Last Online

    01.10.09 @ 12:07 PM
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    CLASSIC!!!!! LMFAO!!!!

  6. #6
    Eruption
    Join Date
    02.29.00
    Location
    Burlington, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,166
    Favorite VH Album

    1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained
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    02.20.07 @ 02:36 PM
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    That was hilarious!

    Probably not far off from the truth either!
    "I had a girl beating on my hotel door all night...She was screaming, crying. Finally, I said, 'What the hell'...and I let her out!"- DLR

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.11.00
    Location
    Cromwell, CT USA
    Posts
    15,979
    Favorite VH Song

    Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
    Last Online

    09.30.16 @ 07:24 AM
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    Liked 836 Times in 514 Posts


    Premium Member
    Keep the chapters coming, Eddymon.
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

    In 2012, the phoenix has risen!!

    "High speed, low drag."

    "Look at all the people here tonight!!!" - 10/5/07, 5/20/08 Mohegan Sun

    Congratulations to Van Halen as part of the Class of 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

    Cinco de Cabo @ Foxwoods: "A giant party with live music" - S. Hagar

    got tequila?

    http://keepitaliveforever.com

  8. #8
    Banned!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Actually, this is the photo taken after the party... [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] Happy New Year !!!

    [ January 01, 2002 at 07:44 PM: Message edited by: VH Rumour Central ]</p>

  9. #9
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Where is todays episode? [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    The one...the only...

  10. #10
    On Fire
    Join Date
    12.05.01
    Age
    50
    Location
    Malibu
    Posts
    397
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained
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    11.26.07 @ 10:06 AM
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    Thanks, we needed a bit of comic relief.
    Lars is a little shit, LMAO
    My first time in the spotlight was from a helicopter.

 

 

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