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  1. #1
    Casting Shade
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    Fair Warning
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    Light Up The Sky
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    05.04.08 @ 05:05 PM
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    Default The Guys' Rules (don't be offended ladies, its all true)

    The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



    Finally, the guys' side of the story.
    (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear "the rules"
    From the female side.


    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!






    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT ! need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.!

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, MUSIC
    or NASCAR.



    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on t he couch tonight;


    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    "Rehab is for Quitters"

    "It is not possible to have life after death since death is the end of life." -OV

    "What doesn’t kill you, will only make you pissed off!"
    -Alexi Laiho

    "If I know I'm going crazy...I must not be insane." -Dave Mustaine

    "Simpson, QUICK! Honk at that broad." -Mayor Quimby

  2. #2
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    03.13.04
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    Favorite VH Album

    Complete Zero
    Favorite VH Song

    Lets Get Rockin
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    12.16.17 @ 02:06 PM
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    Donor

    Default

    AMEN
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  3. #3
    Good Enough darthadv's Avatar
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    03.27.04
    Location
    Queens, NYC
    Posts
    2,511
    Favorite VH Album

    I, II, 1984
    Favorite VH Song

    Jump/D.O.A./Beautiful Girls
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    01.05.12 @ 09:51 PM
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    Default

    here, here (hear, hear?)...

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    01.29.02
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    Chicago
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    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
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    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Finally!!! Someone speaking my language!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  5. #5
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    Location
    Nampa, Idaho U.S.A
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    5150, OU812, Balance, F.U.C.K
    Favorite VH Song

    Dont have one
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Default

    Fucking Poetry!
    Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504401115
    YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/jedimasterkyle

    BOISE STATE BRONCOS! - They're awesome. Deal with it!

    11/16/04 - VAN HALEN in Boise, Idaho. Changed my life forever

    8/8/06 - Sammy Hagar and the Wabos w/Michael Anthony in Boise, Idaho. Sam and Mike still kick ass

  6. #6
    Eruption timmac's Avatar
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    07.14.04
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    Location
    Dallas, TX
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    Favorite VH Album

    VH I
    Favorite VH Song

    Mean Street
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    11.25.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    Default

    My wife asked me this morning if she looked fat, and I told her that she's breaking the rules and refused to answer the question. I'm gonna boycott any and all wifely questions/issues/actions that break the rules from now on.

    I'll let you all know how it is, sleeping in the car.
    Nothing to see here.

  7. #7
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.09.03
    Age
    47
    Location
    EyeOhWuh
    Posts
    6,794
    Favorite VH Album

    The 1 that had that 1 song
    Favorite VH Song

    Runaround, MWM, MAM
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    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    Liked 9 Times in 4 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by timmac View Post
    My wife asked me this morning if she looked fat, and I told her that she's breaking the rules and refused to answer the question. I'm gonna boycott any and all wifely questions/issues/actions that break the rules from now on.

    I'll let you all know how it is, sleeping in the car.

    My ex-wife asked me that once, it went something like this.

    Ex-RRMW: Hey, do I look fat in this?

    RRMB: It depends on your definition of fat? Compared to a Hustler centerfold fat or compared to your sister fat?

    Ex-RRMW: That's not very nice, I just want to know if I'm fat.

    RRMB: You fall in between those two categories. And I'm not saying which side of that scale you are balancing on. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call my mom and see if she has my old room available for the next few nights.
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


    http://www.facebook.com/RedRockinMonkeyBoy

    CHILDREN OF "THE FOOT" UNITE

  8. #8
    Casting Shade
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    Blackwater Park
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Light Up The Sky
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    05.04.08 @ 05:05 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redrockinmonkeyboy View Post
    My ex-wife asked me that once, it went something like this.

    Ex-RRMW: Hey, do I look fat in this?

    RRMB: It depends on your definition of fat? Compared to a Hustler centerfold fat or compared to your sister fat?

    Ex-RRMW: That's not very nice, I just want to know if I'm fat.

    RRMB: You fall in between those two categories. And I'm not saying which side of that scale you are balancing on. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call my mom and see if she has my old room available for the next few nights.
    That's awesome!
    "Rehab is for Quitters"

    "It is not possible to have life after death since death is the end of life." -OV

    "What doesn’t kill you, will only make you pissed off!"
    -Alexi Laiho

    "If I know I'm going crazy...I must not be insane." -Dave Mustaine

    "Simpson, QUICK! Honk at that broad." -Mayor Quimby

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk
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    11.05.06
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    there's a sleepy town
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    Favorite VH Album

    fair warning/ 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    happy trails/ dreams
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    07.09.17 @ 07:00 PM
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    Donor

    Default

    SUPERB LIST!

    Especially number 1.
    Utilize. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

    I love coffee and sarcasm.

    RJD \m/


    Sig Pic courtesy of Greenpaw

  10. #10
    Hot For Teacher G3fan's Avatar
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    06.23.07 @ 07:21 PM
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    Default

    Guess this goes along with the ladies' version I saw on MySpace. I will post 2 of the rules here. Major contradiction, PROVING they want dominance, not equality:

    6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.

    11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).


    Sorry, not shaving the privates! I'm a man, not gay. A little trim is MOST I'll ever do, if that!

  11. #11
    Eruption HippieLettuce's Avatar
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    SoCal
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    Women & Children 1st
    Favorite VH Song

    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.14.17 @ 08:12 PM
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    Default

    How about this one...

    Don't tell me I'm doing something wrong and then 10 minutes later do the same thing yourself and try and justify it. Double standards are bullshit...

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing!
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    Bible Belt
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    Dave
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    Dave
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    11.16.12 @ 10:28 PM
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    Default

    ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)
    .

    .
    "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the truly great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain

    "Edward?.....thank ya." ~ Could This Be Magic

    "The attitude is we live and let live. This is actually an amazing change in values in a rather short time and it's an example of freedom from religion."
    ~ Thomas Wolfe

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
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    Favorite VH Album

    fair warning/ 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    happy trails/ dreams
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    07.09.17 @ 07:00 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by eden View Post
    ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)
    Women are awesome

    Ex-wife's..........
    Last edited by Nostalgia Act; 03.02.07 at 06:45 PM.
    Utilize. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

    I love coffee and sarcasm.

    RJD \m/


    Sig Pic courtesy of Greenpaw

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium Rovus's Avatar
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    36
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
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    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
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    Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
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    07.09.11 @ 09:31 PM
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    Default

    Man, what a breath of fresh air.
    Bobby Cohn: Who's going to be at Waynestock?
    Wayne Campbell: Um, uh...Aerosmith & Pearl Jam!
    Garth Algar: Ha ha ha ha ho!
    Bobby: Who else?
    Garth: Uh, me...and...and Wayne...
    Wayne: ...and uh...VAN HALEN!!!
    Garth: Wow. Van Halen. Who else?
    Bobby: Yeah, who else?
    Wayne: Uh, an old man fashioning a kayak out of a log?

    - Wayne's World 2

    "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams

    "Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential." - Winston Churchill

  15. #15
    Eruption Executionor's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:24 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by eden View Post
    ya know, you guys could bitch for pages about what pisses you off about women. Let's hear what you like, even love about women: your wives, your girlfriends, women in general. There's a lot about us chicks that you all are very fond of; some of you guys who have been, or are going thru a divorce have talked about how depressed you are about that. (and no, I don't think it's all about the money.)
    Quite true, however, THAT deserves its own thread. Vent on men!
    "Knowing is not enough, we must apply,willing is not enough, we must do" -Goethe

    Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.--Sir James Dewar, Scientist (1877-1925)

    Always drink upstream from the herd...
    --Will Rogers

    It is amazing how much some people can do with so little, however, what is even more amazing to me is how little some people can do with so much.
    --Somewhat me, mostly someone else, not sure who

 

 

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