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  1. #1
    Little Dreamer
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    02.15.07 @ 01:18 PM
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    Default I'm New! welcome me!

    Ha! I just thought I'd say hi. I'm off to browse around but felt the need to the do the obligatory introduction. over and out-

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium Leo Van Newhouse's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.02.03
    Age
    33
    Location
    Wham Bam Amsterdam, The Netherlands
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    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

    Atomic Punk
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    08.14.13 @ 03:25 AM
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    Default

    Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
    THE PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT : Representing DAVID LEE ROTH in all his glory!!!!!!!!!

    JH: "How was your New Years Eve show at the House Of Blues?"
    DLR: "James...I AM New Years Eve!"

    "To keep up with me, you must be fast. To sing like me, you must be great. To beat me? You must be kidding?" David Lee Roth

    "I'm gonna want to rock out w/ my cock out instead of playing anal taper dork." Colonel Sanders


    ANOTHER HOSTILE TAKEOVER COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #3
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.24.00
    Age
    45
    Location
    Portland Oregon
    Posts
    26,946
    Favorite VH Album

    Halen 1
    Favorite VH Song

    I'm the one
    Last Online

    12.15.17 @ 10:48 AM
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    Donor

    Default

    Girl: Hi
    Boy: hello
    Boy: who is this?
    Girl: just a someone?
    Boy: A someone I know?
    Girl: nope
    Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    Girl: well sorrrrrry
    Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
    Boy: why?
    Girl: nevermind your an asshole
    Boy: Hey wait a minute
    Girl: yes?
    Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    Girl: paranoid?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: of what?
    Girl: me?
    Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
    Girl: LOL
    Boy: Don't ****ing laugh at me!
    Boy: This **** is serious!
    Girl: What are you hiding from?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: gimme a ****ing break
    Boy: I'm serious.
    Girl: I don't get it
    Boy: The cops are after me.
    Girl: For what?
    Boy: I'm wanted in three states
    Girl: For???
    Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
    Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You are ****ing sick.
    Boy: Send me your picture.
    Girl: why?
    Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
    Girl: One of what?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
    Boy: Then send me your picture.
    Girl: hold on
    Boy: Hurry up.
    Boy: Are you there?
    Boy: **** you, cop!
    Girl: Hey sorry
    Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
    Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
    Boy: Weren't you!?
    Girl: thats not it
    Boy: Then what?
    Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    Boy: Most cops aren't
    Girl: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU ****HEAD!
    Boy: Then send me the picture.
    Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
    Boy: Just send it through here.
    Girl: alright *PIC*
    Girl: Did you get it?
    Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
    Girl: That was me back in may
    Girl: I've lost weight since then.
    Boy: I hope so
    Girl: what?!?
    Girl: that hurt my feelings.
    Boy: Did it?
    Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    Girl: yes
    Boy: Alright let me find it.
    Girl: kks
    Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
    Girl: this isn't you.
    Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
    Girl: You don't look like that.
    Boy: How the hell do you know?
    Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
    Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
    Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
    Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
    Girl: Go **** yourself
    Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
    Boy: Now my **** won't get hard for a week.
    Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
    Girl: you hurt me.
    Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
    Boy: Why would I do that?
    Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
    Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    Girl: FUC YOU!!!
    Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
    Girl: You're a ****ing asshole.
    Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
    Girl: No you aren't
    Boy: You're right. I'm not.
    Boy: HAARRRRR!
    Girl: I'm done with you
    Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
    Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
    Boy: Wait a sec
    Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
    Boy: Wanna start over?
    Girl: No
    Boy: I'll eat your *****
    Girl: You'll what?
    Boy: You heard me.
    Boy: I said I'd eat your *****.
    Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
    Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your *****?
    Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
    Boy: I get excited in different ways.
    Girl: Like what?
    Boy: Do you really wanna know?
    Girl: I don't know
    Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
    Girl: I'm afraid to
    Boy: Why?
    Girl: cause
    Boy: cause why?
    Girl: well lets see
    Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
    Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
    Boy: Nope
    Girl: well its strange to me
    Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    Girl: I didn't say that
    Boy: So is that a yes?
    Girl: I guess so.
    Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    Boy: Are you willing?
    Girl: What do you need me to do?
    Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
    Girl: ???
    Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    Boy: ok?
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You can't be serious
    Boy: Oh yes I am!
    Boy: It's my fantasy.
    Girl: this is retarded
    Boy: Do you want it or not?
    Girl: Yes I want it.
    Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
    Girl: sure
    Boy: Ok. Here we go.
    Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
    Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet *****.
    Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
    Girl: mmmm yeah
    Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
    Girl: Har
    Boy: You gotta do better than that!
    Boy: Your picture was really bad.
    Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
    Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ***** get more moist with every stroke.
    Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
    Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    Girl: mmmmmm you are good
    Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: HARRRRRRR
    Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: this is stupid
    Boy: ...still limp
    Boy: Do it!
    Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
    Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
    Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
    Girl: WTF?!?!?
    Boy: They stink really bad.
    Girl: OMG STOP!!!
    Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    Boy: I ram it up your ass.
    Girl: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
    Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    Boy: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...
    Boy: I kick you in the face!
    Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
    Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    Boy: Your parrot flys away.
    Boy: ...going limp again.
    Boy: Hello?
    Boy: Say it!
    Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

    Welcome.
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk onefootoutthedoor's Avatar
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    07.24.15 @ 10:25 PM
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    Default

    That never fails to deliver seen. Awesome!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
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    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Default

    Holy shit, that was hilarious!!!!!!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.22.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    texas
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    1984 / 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    the ones with ed on them.
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    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeoHalen View Post
    Holy shit, that was hilarious!!!!!!
    I must concur...LOL!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  7. #7
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    TEXAS
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    12.03.17 @ 09:00 PM
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    Premium Member
    "And I can't believe santa lets you sit on his lap" I Love that fucking line! :Seenbad: Out.
    Quin-a-se-i-co

    You're a dick for putting ian on "ignore" DIF

    "You stupid fuck!" Seen

    "Well if you saw it, stats and scientific studies be damned!" Lovemachine 97 v. 2.

  8. #8
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
    Join Date
    10.13.03
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    Right here.
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    5150
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    Drop Dead Legs
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    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
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    Liked 17 Times in 10 Posts


    Premium Member

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sixstring View Post
    I must concur...LOL!
    Me three!

    Doesn't he 'put on his cloak' in another one of those?
    I love that one.
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
    Clark W. Griswold- Food Additive Designer
    ---------------------------------------------------


    VIVA TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND!
    Round I = Done!
    Round II = Done!
    Round III = Done!
    Round IV = Done!
    Round V = Done!
    Round VI = Done!
    Round VII = Done!
    Round VIII = Done!

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.12.00
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    The US of A
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    16,463
    Favorite VH Album

    Women & Children First
    Favorite VH Song

    Fools/All things Halenized
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Liked 29 Times in 14 Posts


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    Default

    Thanks for the laugh!!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  10. #10
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.13.99
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    Enumclaw, WA
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
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    Unchained
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    12.14.17 @ 01:36 AM
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    Default

    Everytime I read that I laugh my ass off.
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    And thats about what its worth.

  11. #11
    Good Enough KRAMER5150's Avatar
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    04.07.04
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    NASHVILLE,TN
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    Favorite VH Album

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    08.22.16 @ 01:33 PM
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    Default

    welcome aboard!!
    I used to wonder why he was grinning all the time(Michael Ian Black talkin about EVH on VH1 I love the 80's) but then i realized the reason he's grinning is because he's Eddie F*#king Van Halen

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk MF5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    06.05.04
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    29
    Location
    Toronto
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    Favorite VH Album

    Balance
    Favorite VH Song

    Seventh Seal/Me Wise Magic
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    12.14.17 @ 04:54 PM
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    Liked 413 Times in 248 Posts

    Default

    Welcome to the family!...stay in this Forum...don't venture above... if you stay over there for more than 5 minutes...blood will start shooting from your nose
    My man, when you are fantasizing, don't go for attainable, you can get attainable at the local Applebee's. - Dave's Dreidel

  13. #13
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.24.00
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    Location
    Portland Oregon
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    Favorite VH Album

    Halen 1
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    I'm the one
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    12.15.17 @ 10:48 AM
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    Liked 257 Times in 92 Posts


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    Quote Originally Posted by Filthy 150 View Post
    Me three!

    Doesn't he 'put on his cloak' in another one of those?
    I love that one.
    bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
    BritneySpears14: Aight.
    bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
    BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
    bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
    bloodninja: Me too baby.
    BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
    bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
    BritneySpears14: Hey...
    bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
    bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
    BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
    bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
    bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
    BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
    bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
    bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
    bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
    bloodninja: Baby?

    -------------------

    bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
    j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
    bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
    j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
    bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
    j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
    j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
    j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
    bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
    bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
    j_gurli3: thats it.
    bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
    bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

    --------------

    BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
    eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
    BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
    eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
    BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
    BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
    eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default

    It's the end of innocence...

    edit - whoa dude, that GIFs pushing it a bit too far - goo
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Gen. George S. Patton

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk Menlow's Avatar
    Join Date
    08.02.04
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    South Florida
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    Favorite VH Album

    VH II
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained, DOA
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    06.14.17 @ 06:46 PM
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    Liked 23 Times in 9 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Damn, that was pretty funny.

    Welcome Pirate HagAR.

 

 

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