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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    F*cking Jehovah's Witnesses

    Last Sunday, my mother spent six hours in the Emergancy room.

    She was sitting at home, resting because she's in a pre-onset for Lukemia, when someone knocked on the door. As she was getting out of the chair to answer the door her knee blew out. She had a knee replaced two years ago but this was the other one. She limped to the door in massive pain only to find a couple of cute little girls with a copy of the Watchtower - Jehovah's Witnesses.

    Since Lukemia can be brought on by a traumatic health incident, the doctors said this could put my mother over the edge.

    Cool huh?

    I would just like to suggest to those of you who are in a position of contemplating going door-to-door for whatever reason this simple thought:

    Unless you are in need of first aid, being chased by a rapist or need to call and ambulance you have no business knocking on a stranger's door. If you are selling Cookies, your version of the Lord or carpet cleaner should not expect people to drop what they're doing to answer the door. So don't pound on it. If nobody answers then take that as a polite response to GO AWAY.

    If you have to knock on doors to promote your cause then let me clue you in. IT'S 2006, IF YOU ARE KNOCKING ON DOORS YOU ARE A MORON. THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF YOUR CAUSE, MISSION OR ORGANIZATION ARE INEPT.
    Take a clue from the Girls Scouts of America, they stopped going door to door years ago and they sell MORE COOKIES now then ever before. The Espicapalians didn't knock on my door or chase me down in a park, I went to them. The Catholic Church has homeless shelters, soup kitchens and half-way houses and they don't make demands that the people who take advantage of their services convert. They win people over by making a good impression. If people aren't coming through the doors of your church then you need to think about your message and you need to think about your church's image. People who go door-to-door are jerks, why would I want to spend Sunday morning with people like that? If you're a church, HELP PEOPLE. There are old folks and handicapped who need a ride somewhere, plenty of elderly who need a warm meal, dirty highways and rivers. It would make a better impression on people when they see your church's bus parked along the road and your congregation out there cleaning the place up. There are people in hosptial waiting rooms who could use a sandwich and a drink while they wait for the outcome of a loved one's surgery. There are kids who need help with school work.
    The people who are out there doing those things are respected. People who knock on doors are not. Sunday, door knockers injured my 62 year old mother.

    I kept the swearing to a minimum because I'd like you to print it out and put it on the bulletin board at your church or organization as well as e-mail it to friedn who are guilty of this stuff.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  2. #2
    Atomic Punk Menlow's Avatar
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    06.14.17 @ 06:46 PM
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    Sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she recovers.


    About five years ago I was over my mother's house on Christmas morning and a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door. My mom had a big window in the living room where we were and I'm sure they could see us inside with a big tree opening presents--but they knocked anyway. My mom was so pissed.

    Unfreaking believable.

  3. #3
    Eruption
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    04.28.16 @ 08:41 PM
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    I was so damn sick of them that after awhile I just started answering the door naked if it was jehovahs witnesses or mormons. I don't see them so often anymore.

  4. #4
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
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    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
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    One day a preacher(from a church in the neighborhood) showed up trying to drum up some business.
    He asked if I had any idea where I'd spend eternity.
    I said I was certain of where I'd be..."In a box, I hate cremation."

    After he laughed I told him he was trying to get business from the wrong person.
    As I was shutting the door, he said he'd pray for me.
    I opened it a little, said thanks, and shut it.
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
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    ---------------------------------------------------


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  5. #5
    Good Enough Vince G.'s Avatar
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    09.21.15 @ 04:44 PM
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    I found answering my door while pretending I was cleaning my gun usually solved that problem immediately.
    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

    "This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen. ."

    "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."

    -George Carlin 1937 - 2008

  6. #6
    Casting Shade
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    05.04.08 @ 05:05 PM
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    Sorry to hear about your mom.

    I like it when girl scouts knock on my door. Thin-mints are the shit!
    "Rehab is for Quitters"

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  7. #7
    Hot sauce on everything Red's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 07:07 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axxman300 View Post
    dirty highways and rivers.
    That's funny right there, I don't care who you are.....

    Sorry about your mom, Axx, all kidding aside.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveWalkinIn View Post
    Sorry to hear about your mom.

    I like it when girl scouts knock on my door. Thin-mints are the shit!

    I have the Girlscouts on speed dial. Honestly, I don't know why they don't sell Thin Mints year round. In fact, I can't believe the military hasn't jumped into to Thin Mint game. You know that bumpersticker that says that the military should have bake sales to buy equipment? Well, between you and I the Navy would have enough money for 3000 aircraft carriers. I hate to say it but I'd buy Thin Mints from Al Qaeda.

    BTW, Al Qaeda doesn't go door-to-door either.

    They used two little girls to do their dirty work so answering the door naked is out of the question, unless I want to spent the first week every time I move notifying my neighbors that I'm a pedaphile. Same with the gun. But I can open the door wearing one of these:

    Last edited by Axxman300; 11.13.06 at 03:23 PM.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  9. #9
    Baluchitherium sisca's Avatar
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    06.12.16 @ 07:51 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by VanHalen2079 View Post
    I was so damn sick of them that after awhile I just started answering the door naked if it was jehovahs witnesses or mormons. I don't see them so often anymore.
    i usually just tell em that im a satanist. works really well. the last time i did that (a few years ago) the look on their faces was priceless.
    """"\//-/""""


    The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!


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    “ Originally posted by FORD
    History tells us that oppressive nations build walls to keep people IN, not out.
    (See "Berlin Wall" and "Likud Israel" for examples) ” FORD- when i told him i'd build a wall between the US and Mexico.

    then ill build it from the mexican side. -my reply.

  10. #10
    Eruption Fair Warning Rocks!'s Avatar
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    07.22.12 @ 06:44 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Menlow View Post
    Sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she recovers.


    About five years ago I was over my mother's house on Christmas morning and a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door. My mom had a big window in the living room where we were and I'm sure they could see us inside with a big tree opening presents--but they knocked anyway. My mom was so pissed.

    Unfreaking believable.
    The same thing happened to me a few years ago. Early Christmas morning they knock on the door. Unbelievable. And they still come around about every 2 months. Pests.

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium sisca's Avatar
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    06.12.16 @ 07:51 PM
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    but would really be priceless is, answer the door naked, say oh, excuse me, brb. then return to the door with your wife, girlfriend, and say "look at her. shes beautiful, right? i was just fucking her until you interrupted me! now go away so i can get my hard-on back!"

    i can see that working amazingly well!
    """"\//-/""""


    The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!


    www.myspace.com/mikesisca

    "If ladies want Valentines Day so bad either make Superbowl Sunday an actual holiday or give guys Steak and Blowjob Day and we'll call it even." T.RYAN, sharing thoughts on valentine's day.

    " SHUT UP, FAGGOT." - Vinnie Velvet, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    DIRTY SANCHEZ- It's not just for breakfast anymore!



    “ Originally posted by FORD
    History tells us that oppressive nations build walls to keep people IN, not out.
    (See "Berlin Wall" and "Likud Israel" for examples) ” FORD- when i told him i'd build a wall between the US and Mexico.

    then ill build it from the mexican side. -my reply.

  12. #12
    Baluchitherium Rovus's Avatar
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    07.09.11 @ 09:31 PM
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    Sorry to hear about your mother.

    I remember when I was 14 and a couple of HOT female Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door and not knowing then exactly what faith they were, I decided to talk with them for a little bit. I was bored at home. They gave me some pamphlets which I wasn't particularly interested in nor in need of. Funny thing is when my folks came home they weren't too impressed for me accepting such things from them cause they knew they would come coming around again. Sure enough, they did and my Dad, who's a strict Catholic himself and devoted to his faith, ended up having a debate with them for about half an hour over religion while the rest of them were parked a few houses away as if they were part of a sting operation. He told me afterwards what they said about their views and was pretty bizarre stuff about Armageddon and gave some small specific number of how many people would be saved.

    Also, just very recently, I just moved into a new apartment. One Saturday morning, while having my usual hungover beauty sleep, the buzzer rang and so I got up thinking it might be Dad coming over, since I was expecting him at some time. When I ask who it was, the voice on the other line just asked if I wanted some Christian leaflets in my letterbox??? Well by replying from impulse, I said, "Fuck, whatever!" And even that was a big mistake, so now I'm receiving fortnightly letters addressed to the previous owner. I've already RTS saying I don't require them and the person addressed doesn't live here anymore. I just hope that's the end of that.
    Bobby Cohn: Who's going to be at Waynestock?
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  13. #13
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 05:53 PM
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    If I do answer the door and it's anybody that's with a church group, I tell them right off the bat that I'm Lutheran and am very happy with my church.
    That is enough to keep the conversation to a minimum.
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

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  14. #14
    Atomic Punk
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    06.25.15 @ 09:06 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveWalkinIn View Post
    Thin-mints are the shit!
    You can say that again!

    Axx, sorry to hear about your mom. When I lived in Chicago, near the city, those fuckers would come almost every other day. Its so stupid. Often times the same people. As if I'm REALLY gonna change my religious beliefs because you keep coming back
    "I respect that youre passionate about this but what your saying is complete idiocy..." - MF5150 on McDonald's "preying" on young kids.

    "He was born a human, he's a horse's ass by proxy." - It's Mike on Eddymon.

  15. #15
    Unchained scs5150's Avatar
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    12.17.10 @ 10:56 AM
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    Don't be dissing Michael Jackson like that!! Sorry about your mom.

 

 

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