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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Default Friendly Advice From A Fat Guy On A Diet.

    I spent the 1990s in the gym, body-building. I had a 230lb bench press and a 730lb leg press. 72lb dumbbells were my friends and I'd time my visits so that I could spend 2 hours on the treadmill.

    I was a freakin' stud.

    Then I wrecked my back. Suddenly I was 150 years old, in constant pain and unable to walk very far or very long. So somewhere durring the three years of physical theropy and back surgeries (3) I put on 100lbs. It never occurred to me to change my eating habits to fit a guy who wasn't living in the gym, plus I lived in my sweat clothes most of the time. I'm not making excuses, I screwed up. Anyway, after my last procedure, which eliminated 75% of the pain, I've gotten my walking range back and walk a six-mile course in an hour and 22 minutes. Not bad for a guy my size. The plan was that once I got my range back and got into a groove I'd then start to work on my diet. No problem, I'll just cut back to 2000 calories a day.

    Now, I've started on that course and here's some advice I'd like to pass along to the thin people out there:

    When you see a fat person eating something healthy, like an apple, orange, carrot or something that isn't in a fast-food wrapper, just say "Hey, that looks good!" or something positive. Don't offer nutritional information about what they've (I've) chosen to snack on.

    In fact, unless there is an M.D. behind your name, shut your mutherfucking pie-hole.

    Case in point, I've got two tomatoes and I'm going to slice them in half and soak them in Tabasco sauce and eat them. My co-worker walks in and see this and says "You know, there's a lot of salt in tomatoes". Not "Hey, you're not eating Pop Tarts!, good for you!" or even "You on a diet or something?". No, hotrod has to tell me there's a lot of salt in tomatoes. I asked him if he thought that there was more salt in my two tomatoes than there is in a Double Whopper with cheese? That shut him up. I get this kind of shit all te time and it drives me up a wall. I like to eat a can of Olives (black), which comes out to 220 calories. What do I hear? There's a lot of fat in Olives. Loddie-frickin' dah, I can read a lable, Jackass, there still less fat than in a large French Fry order. Plus, it's not tran-fat nor is it saturated fat, it's fat from Olive oil. The fat in Olives helps to kill my appetite, and I like them.
    You know, I feel so happy when I walk out of the supermarket with a bunch of non-fabricated foodstuffs (no Oreos, patato chips, cheese-whiz) and that good feeling is ruined when some dickhead thinks I didn't get enough starch or too much carbs or whatever. These dickheads never say anything when I'm carrying a bag of unhealthy crap. Maybe they mean well, but I doubt it. This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, mostly because I get right in their face and tell them off. However, there are other fat people out there who probably can't deal with it. All because some dumbass read something in Cosmo or Men's Fitness and now they are a dietary and nutritional expert. Unless you are a fat person yourself, you have no idea what it takes to eat healthy or to walk into a supermarket and not buy crap. Plus, we have to drive past all of those fast-food joints on the way to and from the market, it's a kind of hell. It takes about two months to change your eating habits and then you have to think about what you're going to eat every day after that. Being fat fucks with your mind and there's a lot of self-doubt and those "Helpful" comments will undo a lot of hard work.

    The other day I was at the check out line and I'd just emptied my basket onto the conveyor belt when this voice from behind says " How'd you get so big eating food like that?", I turn to see my doctor ( he's been my doc since 1968). I told him that if I'd been eating this stuff I would be this big and we had a good laugh. He didn't tell me that there was fat in the olives or salt in the tomatoes, he told me to keep it up and he'd see me around, and I said hopefully not as round as I am now. That's why he's a good doctor and a great person, he's not a self-rightious buttstick.

    Look, I'm not asking for a parade when you see a fat person with an Apple, just keep what you know (or think you know) to yourself. Don't offer wisdom of any kind. Maybe just a little positive reinforcement, especially if they're a friend of yours, that they're doing something good for their body.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  2. #2
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    It's like Mom said..."Can't say nothing nice? Say nothing at all!"
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Bob_R's Avatar
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    I know what you mean Axxman.

    I hate when someone points to their wrist and asks "What time is it?"

    You don't see me grabbing my nuts and asking someone "Where's the bathroom!"

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
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    Have you just discovered the real world?

    Karma man, I know you were givin wedgies to nerds like Sucka when you were jacked! LOL Just kidding man....

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by the_atomic_punks_rule
    Have you just discovered the real world?

    Karma man, I know you were givin wedgies to nerds like Sucka when you were jacked! LOL Just kidding man....
    Nope. you're dead on.

    Kharma is an unforgiving bitch, evidently eating Crow is fattening.

    I went from He-Man to Edgar from "24" in just over a year. Every smart-ass comment I ever made about fat people has been returned to me in spades. I never thought I'd get this big, it's amazing that I could lift heavy stuff and fit into 32 inch waste pants and then two stupid disks in my back collapse and all of a sudden I'm Oliver Hardy.

    The low point was when I was asked to be a Macy's Santa Claus, I got your Ho Ho Ho right here, beeeaaatch.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  6. #6
    Eruption lal5150's Avatar
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    06.16.12 @ 03:16 PM
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    being a some what fat guy my self , i just love how everybody has advice on losing weight for us.

  7. #7
    Eruption te5150's Avatar
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    09.24.13 @ 12:08 AM
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    Well, here's a perspective from someone who hears how lucky I am to be "naturally thin": don't comment about other people's weight. Period.

    I hear that far too often and one of these days I'm gonna go off like Axxman.

    Naturally thin? Naturally thin? Listen, bud, my mom's fat, my dad's fat, my siblings are on their way to being fat. I'm not fat. And the reason I'm not fat is because I sacrifice. I don't overeat even though I want to most of the time. I work out regularly and I make it hurt. I make choices every single day that give me less pleasure just so I won't bulge up like other people. Nothing's natural about it. I work hard at it. So go eat your Quarter Pounder and fries and tell me again how lucky I am to be naturally thin.

    Whew. That felt good.

    Thanks Axx. (Eating too many carrots will make your poop orange.)

    Todd

  8. #8
    Hot For Teacher chas's Avatar
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    08.31.15 @ 01:43 PM
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    I here what your sayin', I put on way too much weight, I'd meet people I have'nt seen in years and usally it was a pat on the belly or what happened?
    The end of last year I started a excercising and losing weight (lost about 50lbs.!) Do you think these same belly rubbers or soothsayers of gloom have anything encouraging to say? You bet your ass they don't!
    But I look on the bright side at least their big fat mouths are shut!
    Axxman, keep the faith! Screw what those morons have to say!

  9. #9
    The Joker BradS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axxman300
    I spent the 1990s in the gym, body-building. I had a 230lb bench press and a 730lb leg press. 72lb dumbbells were my friends and I'd time my visits so that I could spend 2 hours on the treadmill.
    Tony Little? You didn't by any chance get hit by a bus did you?

    Just kidding.

    When you see a fat person eating something healthy, like an apple, orange, carrot or something that isn't in a fast-food wrapper, just say "Hey, that looks good!" or something positive. Don't offer nutritional information about what they've (I've) chosen to snack on.
    People shouldn't say anything at all...it's none of their business.

  10. #10
    Sinner's Swing! vh_chick's Avatar
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    For just about 15 years now, my in-laws have made subtle and not-so-subtle comments about my weight. When my husband and I had only been dating about a year, my future FIL had the nerve to tell me, "You could diet." This from a beer-bellied old man. I sat on the porch and cried. And guess what? I was NOT FAT THEN!!! No, I wasn't a size 2, but certainly not fat.

    When I got my wisdom teeth out, like 99% of the people who go thru that, my face swelled up. My in-laws came over, and upon coming thru my front door, my FIL immediately said, "WOW! When did you gain weight?" WTF???!!! Not "Hello," but THAT shit. UNbelieveable.

    General comments came from my MIL, like, "You're not in shape" after saying I was tired from running up a hill or something. Uh, I think anyone would be winded after running up a hill. A year after we got married, I lost 17 pounds and fit into an 8 for a friend's wedding. Any comments from the in-laws? NOT A ONE. Many other people noticed and commented.

    Now I have given birth to two childen who both weighed over 10 pounds. My stomach muscles are trashed, and I essentially have a deflated balloon where my stomach used to be. (No amount of sit-ups is going to get rid of this - I will need abdominoplasty, which I hope to have this fall). Naturally, I don't wear a bathing suit in front of the in-laws. Can you imagine the looks I'd get? I don't want to think about what comments they might make.

    I have again started dieting (same diet that worked so well last time) and I've lost about 10 lbs. My clothes are not as tight. Some are downright loose. People have started commenting that I'm looking thinner. Last Sunday, my MIL came over to watch the kids while I went out to lunch with my mom and sister. As I'm leaving, she said, "Don't eat too much." Isn't that nice? Shit like this ALL THE TIME.

    OH! And they're saying this shit to my six-year-old daughter, as well! "You don't want to be a fatty." "You don't want to get fat." SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHE'S SIX AND HAS A SIX-PACK LIKE I'VE NEVER HAD! Don't you dare say that fucked-up crap to my baby!

    When they tell my husband about a neighbor they've recently seen again after a few years, the first comment is: "He's gained weight." "Yeah, he's really fat!" Laugh laugh laugh. No comments about what he's doing now, nothing about the family. Just that he gained a few pounds.

    They are otherwise wonderful people, but their pre-occupation with people's weight is just unreal. Just this morning I was having an imaginary conversation with my MIL, telling her that her comments were hurtful and to please stop. If I ever did that, I guarantee you that SHE would be offended and would think I was way out of line. I went thru all that in my head, too. "You don't get to be offended, Mom. I have not insulted you. You have been insulting me for fifteen years, and I have just been taking it from you. No more."

    I think I needed to get that off my chest. *sigh*
    Shari
    Last edited by vh_chick; 05.28.06 at 02:38 PM.
    "Hey, thanks for the bracelet! Was that one for me?" - Michael Anthony to me in the Golden Ring in Grand Rapids, MI July 9, 2004
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  11. #11
    Hang 'Em High janthraxx's Avatar
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    11.18.14 @ 07:57 PM
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    Hey Axx, that stuff you're eating--it looks delicious
    "Suck a fat one, faggot."
    -MikeL, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    "You may recognize some of these chemicals. Let's start with cyanide...The one the Aum Shinrikyo cult attempted to use to commit mass murder in a Tokyo subway in May 1995...The same cyanide produced routinely--1.4 million tons per year--for use in the production of plastics, adhesives, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and so on. It seems that those who put small amounts of cyanide in subways are terrorists. But those who produce it in mass quantities and contaminate broad reaches of soil, water, and air, killing countless living beings, are not terrorists, but rather capitalists, and are counted among the finest and most powerful people on the planet."

    -Derrick Jensen, "What We Leave Behind"

    "You know what's weird to me is Christians who are against the death penalty. After all, if it weren't for the death penalty, we wouldn't celebrate Easter!"

    -the late, great, Bill Hicks

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    vh_chick, my advice to you is to ignore the old witch and do what you can to get your weight down. By that, I mean a healthy and realistic weight. Then once you've achieved that ideal weight, start suggesting places your MIL can go for plastic surgery and leave Mental Health brochures at her house when you drop by.

    If you really want to be evil, take a Red Cross class in CPR and then take your MIL on a nice walk, Army Ranger style - 5mph, take her out for two hours. That's where the CPR will come in handy.

    The great thing about having this weight is that it takes muscle to move it around, the bad thing is that my muscles never get a break and the heart is pure muscle.

    Because of my bad back, I've improvised an excersise where I strap one leg to a skateboard and then low-crawl a couple hundred yards. I call it "Gatoring" because I look like a fat Alligator, but it's great because it works by shoulders, back and abdominals. It took me two weeks to get up to 100 yards. Luckily I have an abandoned Army base to roam around without fear of being squished by a car or mountain bike. since the baord is strapped below my knee, I have to use my upper body to keep my belly off the ground.
    It's really funny when Buzzards start to circle me as a crawl, talk about inspiration!

    Anyway, I haven't put myself on a schedule, nor do I have weekly and monthly goals. I'm focusing on lifestyle changes - being more active and eating better food . Things should take care of themselves.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  13. #13
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
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    11.02.17 @ 09:45 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by te5150

    Thanks Axx. (Eating too many carrots will make your poop orange.)

    Todd
    TMI!

    And Axx, I know all about lounging in sweat pants. You don't realize that you're waistline is expanding until you want to look nice so you go to throw on a pair of jeans and they don't fit.

    I was up to 215 here just a few weeks back. I had my physical the other day and I was at 209, so I'm heading in the right direction.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

  14. #14
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    Axxman I know where you are coming from man. I too was that is was in good shape 10 years ago 6'1" and around 175lbs. Rode a bike 50 miles a week and watched what I ate. Than around the same time I ruptured a disc in my back for the first time and had my first son. Since than I've ruptured 2 more discs, had 2 surgeries on my back and have had another son. About 6 mo's ago I weighed 210 lbs. and it seemed that alot of family and friends would always seem to remind me that I look as if I,ve put on weight. Yeah no shit. So 6 mo's ago I joineda gym and have gotten down to 185 lbs. Not to bad for six months but it sure wasn't easy. The great thing about it is since I've been doing it I haven't had any back problems. I work with a trainer that knows of my history and made a work out for me to follow that really works well for me.
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viking
    TMI!

    And Axx, I know all about lounging in sweat pants. You don't realize that you're waistline is expanding until you want to look nice so you go to throw on a pair of jeans and they don't fit.

    I was up to 215 here just a few weeks back. I had my physical the other day and I was at 209, so I'm heading in the right direction.

    Did you think that the clothes dryer was on the wrong setting and shrunk your clothes? LOL!! I did, at least for 2 minutes and then it dawned on me that I'm a lard-ass.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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